Eileen

Anatolian Festival Offers a Break and an Education

May 20, 2013

So every now and then, for the sake of resiliency, it’s good to shut down the computer, take your best friend (my husband) and head out for an adventure.

This past weekend, Asia Minor (now Turkey) beckoned—and we didn’t need our passports. For the fourth year at the Orange County Fairgrounds, one could step back in time and experience the amazing history and diversity of a land bordered by the Black Sea to the north, the Mediterranean to the south, and the Aegean Sea to the West.

We entered the festival area through the “Civilizations Path”, which consists of 14 gates each representing different civilizations like The Hittite Empire, The Kingdom of Commagene, Lydia, The Persian Empire, The Urartu State (Armenians), The Phrygia, The Ionian Civilization,The Assyria, Troy, The Roman Empire,The Byzantine Empire, The Great Seljuq Empire, The Ottoman Empire, and Turkish Republic. Anatolia has been a cradle for all these and many other civilizations throughout the history. At each gate, actors wearing authentic costumes of each civilization welcomed us.

Three dimensional giant-sized replicas of five different cities of Anatolia (Istanbul, Konya, Mardin, Van, Izmir, Gaziantep, Adiyaman and Kilis) and the Grand Bazaar of Istanbul were assembled with panoramic backgrounds. Artisans traveling from Turkey displayed and demonstrated many traditional handicrafts like hand-woven carpets, the arts of water marbling, calligraphy, stone-carving and filigree during the four-day festival.

The replica of the Grand Bazaar of Istanbul housed more than 120 booths with food, handcrafts, souvenirs, and art exhibits. Had we wanted to, we could have freshened ourselves up with a cup of Turkish coffee or several glasses of tea at another busy spot of the festival area, named after The Traditional Coffeehouse. Just like the real Grand Bazaar, we watched artisans displaying hand-made jewelry, scarves, lucky charms and hand-woven carpet displays accompanied by the Anatolian hospitality.

For us, sampling food was a treat. We split everything to share the tastes: a spicy beef kebab, and doner (Gyros), stuffed grape leaves, stuffed peppers, some thin pastry stuffed with pistachios, and my favorite: sticky ice cream. A long steel pike and plenty of muscle helped the ice cream showman pull this tough, stretchy Maras’s ice-cream from a barrel. I put out my hand to take the cone and that quick, he flipped it upside down and handed me an empty cone while the sticky cream stayed balled up on the pike. It was a combination of magic, good humor, and skill. Yes—also pretty tasty, too.

Under a hot Southern California sun, dancers in multilayers of colored ethnic garb kicked and hopped and swirled before a backdrop of the Bosporus, in the courtyard of the Topaki Palace, and in the amphitheater at Ephesus.

Lean In Advice from Jenna Lombardo, Former Marine

May 17, 2013

Women can have it all, but first YOU need to figure out what “IT” is that you want! Just remember, allow your goals to change over time. You will change and your priorities and ambitions will change and sometimes plans don’t always work out as we intend. Being flexible will help you stay on track and understand that sometimes, you are going to fail. Failure is a part of growth. It allows you to learn from your mistakes and makes you stronger as you face difficult challenges.

What we need to understand as women is that there will be many obstacles to achieving your goals. Our reality is that we are in a male-dominated world, but I believe women will rise as we continue to reveal our value. So often, women leave the workforce because of the difficulty with balancing personal and professional lives. Being in the corner office, Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps or Female Infantry Officer may not be for everyone.

No matter what you decide, there is no right or wrong answer and I certainly don’t have all the answers. Serving in the military taught me a number of skills that have been essential to my success since I reentered the civilian world — and contain valuable lessons for other women. In order to be successful in whatever you decide, below are a few tips that I would like to share with you that have helped me.

Be Confident

Women tend to look at things differently than men and often we second-guess ourselves. We don’t give credit to ourselves when credit is due. You deserve your success. Create ownership of success and understand your own success. Believe in yourself!

Don’t just talk about it, be about it!

Your ideas and concepts are valuable. Speak up. Sometimes you will have good ideas and other times you will not. Keep your hand up! You will never know what opportunities can come to you if you do not get out of your comfort zone.

Create a level playing field.

Juggling home and work is difficult. Choose a partner who will support your ambitions and will do their part with the kids. Often women are the ones sacrificing for their partner. Making equal contributions is key to a successful relationship, family life and career.

Develop emotional intelligence

We probably all know people, either at work or in our personal lives, who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we’re in, they always seem to know just what to say – and how to say it – so that we’re not offended or upset. They’re caring and considerate, and even if we don’t find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

We probably also know people who are masters at managing their emotions. They don’t get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They’re excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they’re usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.

People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence, or EI. They know themselves very well, and they’re also able to sense the emotional needs of others.

As this journey continues, I am looking forward to sharing my obstacles and experiences with you to assist with your growth and opportunity!

You can reach Jenna at: Lady Leatherneck and Twitter: @jenna_lombardo1

Stand Your Ground Against Sexual Harassment

May 15, 2013

NOTE: Jenna Lombardo wrote this to her sisters in the military. However, her advice is solid for men and women in all work environments:

So often, the military small unit leadership has turned a blind eye to sexual harassment and sexual assaults. It is only until recently that action is being taken due to the high-ranking incidents that have occurred. Each branch of service has come out with its own method of prevention training.

In my opinion, this training is senseless if the leaders who instruct these courses and the students within do not have respect for their female counterparts to begin with. Prevention needs to start with women who stand up for themselves and chose to start a ripple effect. One in three women experiences sexual assault during their military career and very rarely are these incidents dealt with.

I am not suggesting that every experience that you encounter should be dealt with by complaining to your chain of command, but as women, we need to put an end to the behavior of men who attempt to take advantage of women and create a foundation for young ladies who come into the military force after us.

Women are not fragile or submissive; it is time we stand up for ourselves and for our sisters in arms.

(1) Talk to the person directly

When the initial sexual harassment incident takes place, ask the person harassing you to stop. If your harasser continues displaying the same behavior, inform your harasser that you plan to file a report if the behavior continues. Some people discontinue their behavior once you threaten to report them. If the harasser fails to stop, you can take further action.

Particularly, when I have been firm and obviously not interested in their behavior, it deters them from saying or making any gestures toward me.

(2) Find other victims and witnesses

Search for other victims of sexual harassment by your harasser. You may find that some other victims have filed complaints in the past. Secure the testimony of any witnesses of your incidents in writing. This helps support your claim.

This was particularly helpful for me when I first entered the Marine Corps. I had encountered an instructor in my MOS school who was harassing other young women (E-1/E-2). This instructor made his way to me and said some VERY inappropriate things to me and then began to stalk me. It felt wrong, but I was naïve. I spoke to other women who felt the same and I was the ONE who spoke up and in the end, he was held accountable and eventually court martialed and kicked out.

(3) Inform Your Supervisor

If talking to your harasser did not stop the harassing behavior, report all incidents to your immediate supervisor. Ask your supervisor for a meeting to explain the situation in person.

The reality is that sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. However, do not give up. If your immediate supervisor overlooks it, than that is a leadership failure. Stand your ground and make sure that you are not mistreated in that manner again.

YOU ARE VALUABLE. Don’t let anyone make you think or feel that your intuition is wrong.

Female Combat Marine Leans In for Women

May 13, 2013

Talk about “leaning in”. Imagine doing two combat tours in Iraq, being promoted because of “meritorious combat service”, being nominated three times as “Enlisted Woman of the Year” and then facing sexual harassment from a senior enlisted advisor.

I encountered Jenna Lombardo through her story posted on Sheryl Sandberg’s LEAN IN site.

Given the current details of increased sexual harassment and assaults on women within the military, I wanted to find out more about this amazing woman.

Over coffee at a local Pain du Monde, this gorgeous woman spoke about how she realized there were few other women she could turn to for advice and support.

Today, as a former Marine, mother, a Marine wife, student and philanthropist her response has been to create a support group called Lady Leatherneck. Through Lady Leatherneck, her goal is to bring a community of military women together through shared experiences, to counsel, and to mentor and inspire one another.

In my next blog, I have asked Jenna for advice on how to handle sexual harassment.

Resiliency Insight: A Scavenger Hunt

May 9, 2013

The doorbell rang on Saturday afternoon. Five girls, ages nine to ten, clamored around my door, waving sheets of paper and talking all at once.

“Wait,” I laughed. “One person at a time.”

“We’re on a birthday party scavenger hunt,” squealed the smallest one who also seemed to command more authority than her size projected. (As the runt of the litter in my family, I loved it!)

“What do you need?” I asked.

Turned out they all were on the same team. The smallest girl held the master list of what items remained.

“Spool of thread.” Check: I found an orange spool from some long forgotten Halloween costume.

“A bar of hotel soap.” Nope. We used it all up.

“A packet of seed.” Check. My husband raced to the garage and came back with herbs as seeds.

“A balloon.” Nope. Now that the kids are older, I just didn’t have that in the toy box any more.

“A grocery store receipt.” Check. I told the girls they would love me because few people keep grocery receipts.

Two “nopes” and three “checks”. Not bad. The girls raced off for the missing balloon and the hotel soap.

Late that night, I thought about the scavenger hunt and resiliency. There are parallels. When life hands us “something” to deal with, the most adaptable among us look for many answers. It requires a willingness to ask for help. Sometimes, we must ask strangers.

When one request doesn’t work, move on. “Next” becomes a mantra.

Lastly, don’t go alone if you can help it. Find people who care about you, who have possibly been in that situation, and who also have a sense of positive expectancy.

A scavenger is one who removes garbage from the street. In like manner, the scavenger hunt as I described above is to seek help getting rid of what might feel like garbage in your life.

If you’re in this place, start ringing some door bells.

HAPPY NURSES WEEK – A Resilient Profession Starting with Florence Nightingale

May 6, 2013

I adore my health care audiences and organizations. And nurses–you are simply amazing with how you roll with life and death, budgets and blessings, crabby patients and maybe more crabby colleagues. Yet you solider on!

Florence Nightingale was the first “soldier”–entering the Crimean War battlefield, determined to find new ways of responding to the wounded and the suffering. A wonderful colleague, Joe Tye, wrote an article two years ago that captured her essence. If you haven’t read Tye’s book “The Florence Prescription”, do yourself a favor and buy it… there are more ideas that can be taken from Florence to help us make solid changes in health care today.

And to all the wonderful RNs, CNAs, and other health care professionals who have cared for so many people whom I love, thank you for your compassion, dedication, and service.

Why we need RESILIENT,OPTIMISTIC College Graduates—

May 1, 2013

Guest post— with permission from my twin brother John McDargh, Ph.D.:

2013 Senior Recognition Dinner 2013 Boston College Club

I first want to thank Jean Yoder and her colleagues for the great privilege of addressing this remarkable gathering of women and men who are leaving this BC community a different place than you found it when you entered four years ago simply by virtue of your individual and collective investment of passion, creativity and care.

I am not sure why Jean offered me this opportunity to honor you – I didn’t think to ask her - but one reason may be that I simply have been around this place a rather long time. When I was in the Coast Guard we called the man who had been on the ship the longest time the “plank owner”. As I crossed the Charles from Harvard 34 years ago to teach the psychology of religious development, I now am beginning to think of myself as a “plank owner” on the good ship BC.

Now of the best things about being on board this long is not just that you move up from steerage to cabin class, but that you get to be unapologetically a life-long learner. One of my favorite authors , the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst David W. Winnicott, dedicated his very last book “to my patients who paid to teach me”. If I were writing such a dedication it would be “to my students who paid to teach me”.

What I want to share in these brief reflections tonight is what over 8.5 student generations (do that math that is 34 divided by 4), YOU have taught ME about the three essential qualities of leadership that students contribute to steering this vessel called BC into the future..

Some of these are qualities you hopefully share with the faculty, staff and administrators - some are distinctively your own because of the place young adults occupy in the cog-wheeling of generations.

The first quality I want to introduce by way of something I heard over 25 years ago when Helen Caldicott , the great Australian physician and anti-nuclear activist packed St. Ignatius church to talk about the threat that a nuclear war would pose to the planet. She began with this story:

Three men in New York had met in graduate school and become close friends despite coming very different backgrounds. Seamus was an Irish man who came to New York by way of Dublin. Pierre was originally from Paris and the third friend, Abe was the homeboy…. a New York Jew born and raised in Brooklyn. One of the rituals that bonded them over the years was faithfully, once a month to meet for drinks and dinner at their favorite bar on the lower west side. At that meal the other ritual evolved that each time one of them had to propose a question to get the conversation rolling , and that same man had to be the first to try and answer it.

So one month it was Seamus’ turn. “Suppose you went to see you doctor for your annual check up, and he takes some tests and a week later calls you in and tells you this: ‘I’ve got bad news for ya.. I am afraid ya have a rare and fulminating cancer that is incurable.. You only have two weeks to live’. What would you do? “

“Ok, Seamus”, they say, ” you posed the question, you know the rules, what would you do?”

“Well I’ve thought about it and I would lay in crates of Guinness and bottles and bottles of the Jameson’s Irish Whisky. Then I would invite my best mates - including you lads of course - and a fiddler and for two weeks we ‘d have great craic. We would tell stories, sing songs and stay gloriously, bloody drunk the whole time”

“So how about you Pierre?”

“Two weeks? I would take ze presidential suite at the Park Plaza. I would hire ze best chef in New York to prepare three meals a day. I would have a king size bed in ze bedroom and for two weeks I would be there with my beautiful wife Yvette …….. and my lovely mistress Michelle …………. And… why not? … my boyfriend Jacques. And for two weeks ze food and ze sex would be magnifique!

“Abe” , they both ask “ What do you think, the doctor tells you that you only have two weeks to live, what would you do?”

“Nuch, two weeks the doc says, me…….? I’d go for a second opinion!”.

Helen Caldicott’s point is that faced with a diagnosis of impending disaster and a planetary catastrophe , we urgently need ordinary people who will respond not with fatalistic resignation or denial, or retreat into personal pleasure, but rather will go for a second opinion – in fact will create the conditions to make their own second opinion, thus becoming resiient in the process. Over the years this has is what I have learned. Student leaders are the folks who refuse to take no for an answer or accept that a condition can not be healed or changed. – it is perhaps our responsibility as your partners and colleagues or companeros to provide the longer perspective on how long it takes to turn the Queen Mary – but we require the urgency and prophetic witness of each new student generation to challenge our complacency and resignation. We need to be challenged to work together for an alternative , more humanly desirable future.

John

The Recipe for Mumbai Moments & Management Magic Part II

April 20, 2013

It has taken some time for me to pick up this post. Boston occupies my mind. Yet life goes on. The people of Mumbai and the business operations resumed after 2008. So must I.

Dateline: Mumbai J.W. Marriott April 11, 2013

The calm dignity and service mindset of the staff is refreshing. As the facilitator for these days of meetings, they constantly respond to my every request. There is always someone present outside the room should I need anything! The meeting room is set as if we were at a wedding with covered chairs tied in silver ribbons. Each roundtable has a beautiful arrangement of white roses and stargazer lilies. Platters of cookies constantly appear on the table. Memo pads are 8 x 11 sheets sitting on top of thick leather portfolios.

Ahh the food! Expansive lunch and breakfast buffets defy description in both their presentation and their quality. If only I knew how to eat the various Indian delicacies! Over here is the table of salmon, cream cheese, capers and red onion: assorted imported cheeses surround the salmon. Pastries of infinite variety stare me in the face. An egg station affords any kind of breakfast preparation I would care for. Chefs wait to prepare dosa and samosa with everything from vegetables to chicken.

Our “snacks” at meeting breaks are like small meals: doughnut sandwiches made from doughnut bread, not fried or glazed, but soft and sweet and stuffed with chicken. Little puffs filled with eggplant and lentils. Herbed bread with pesto and vegetables. Burp. I wish I were like a cow with two stomachs!

Mumbai offers rainbow of colors. Every female—even children— are wrapped in the brightest of hues: turquoise, pink, gold, green. Saris range from irregular patterns to embellished silks. And despite the dust and dirt that rises from hoards of people, white pants and shirts are mostly spotless.

When we take the team for a few hours to a local market, our guide, Deepa, points out the Hindu temple next to the mosque next to the Christian shrine. She explains that India is generally tolerant and accepting of difference. Deepa explains traditions in marriage, traditions in celebrations, and traditions in food. Surely this is a country that simultaneously lives in the past, present and future.

She gestures to the vendors in the crowded market stalls who rent space to sell everything from coconuts to mangoes; from chilies to Ayurvedic herbs. She points out that even the poor vendors on the street who put produce on a cloth have traveled two hours at 4am to buy what they can and come to sit and sell what they can. They will sit in the heat all day and begin the process again tomorrow.

Such moments. Such magic. It is replicated threefold by the work of the managers who gather with me. They are open, reflective, good-natured, and dedicated to exploring how to advance themselves and the people whom they manage. In a morning meditation, they practice mindfulness, and focus. I am so proud of them!

Enjoy the pictures. The Magic. The Moments. Believe in the power of exploration, adventure, new experiences, and the wonder of learning from others. You too can have Moments of Mumbai and Management Magic. You don’t have to leave your office. Look. Pay Attention and Listen. It is all here!!

From Boston With Love: Resiliency

April 17, 2013

My twin brother is Professor John McDargh, Boston College. Normally on the day of the marathon, he is perched on the sidelines close to Boston College and Heartbreak Hill. This Monday he was driving back from the Cape, to my great relief.

But in 1980, he wrote an op-ed piece on the Marathon for the Boston Globe. I have the article as a poster mounted on my office wall. Its words ring with solidarity and meaning even 33 years later.

Almost in front of where I was standing to watch this year’s Marathon, a young black runner suddenly came to a halt, crippled by the leg cramps he likely had been fighting for miles. The crowd on Hereford Street did what thousands had done for others between Boston and Hopkinton. They began calling encouragement. “Come on, you’re almost there! You can do it!” Almost as quickly a middle-aged white man jogging behind the runner stopped, put his arm around the young man’s waist and urged him forward. Shoulder to shoulder the two men started off again. The crowd on the sidewalk THUNDERED its approval. Somewhere inside of me a dam of reserve broke and I found myself clapping and shouting wildly – and crying unabashedly.

So this was the Marathon: in truth a metaphor for the meaning of this “city built on a hill”. The Marathon is a parable we enact yearly that tells us what it takes to live together in a democracy: individuality and corporateness; solitude and communion. On the one hand, the Marathon celebrates the power of personal decision and sheer endurance. Yet at the same time, that individual’s striving requires the supports and confirmation of the community. It requires a people who will affirm that what counts is not success, measured by who makes it in first, but fidelity to a vision of excellence uniquely personal.

Another Bostonian, William James, once observed that every person at some level long still lead “the strenuous life,” a life that engages passionately the heart, the will and the imagination. In many respects, the Marathon yearly displays the truth of that observation. It illustrates that the strenuous life is not the same thing as the competitive life, a life that divides the world into winners and losers, have and have-nots. As long as the Boston Marathon remains the race in which everyone who runs it is a winner, it will also be that annual occasion that reminds us of what it is that is worth striving for – the creation of the city and the world in which we can take inspiration from cheering on the enduring and prevailing of all our brothers and sisters without exception.

What we have seen since the explosions is an incredible outpouring of compassion, selfless service, and concern. We see a networked community that draws together in solidarity for the victims, their families, and all those who participated in this 117-year-old event. As a nation, I read and watch my fellow citizens become determined not to retreat in fear but to move forward in hope.

The Boston community is a very tightly knit interwoven family with networks that stretch from business to college to churches to synagogues and mosques. John has kept me apprised of what is being reported in the Boston Globe and what he hears from colleagues.

In his last email, John sent me both pictures and columns from the local paper. It was only then that I realized the poignancy of the signature line John uses in all of his letters: “Live in fragments no longer ….only connect!” E.M. Forster

The pictures that I see are people in fragments, bodies in fragments, lives in fragments. But what I also see are the incredible connections of people who have nothing in common other than their humanity. Perhaps out of this senseless act of violence, we will be reminded of that which joins together. After all, the race that matters most is the human race.

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