Seasonal Stress Stretches Resiliency

Written by Eileen on December 12th, 2011 — 3 Comments

Maybe it was the hot water pipe that burst in the foundation that started the meltdown.  Even as I write this, the wood floor in the kitchen, dining room and den is being splintered and thrown into the jaws of a construction bin.  The walls and ceiling have huge holes in them and a HAZMAT team came searching for mold. The living room is an obstacle course from the pantry and closets. The refrigerator is in the garage and latest date for completion “might” be Dec.23.

OK, so the first Christmas was in a stable. But the holy family wasn’t expecting families from Boston, Oregon, and Los Angeles who would seek a bed as well as food.

Maybe it was compounded by my laser printer dying and discovering, after I bought a replacement, that not all printers will work well with a MAC. The anxiety level ratcheted upward when my I-phone then died and I discovered someone had hacked my user ID and password.  An hour’s worth of AppleCare finally fixed the problem but not before I found myself crying to the technician. Of course, I had already screamed at the switchboard for Hospice of the West because I needed help with my Mom. (Little did I know a nurse had come in the back door while I was waiting at the front door. I had to call back and apologize.)

Few presents have been bought, ornaments remain in the garage eves, and I am definitely not a “jolly old soul”.

Bet you have been there too!

Time for me to take a dose of my own medicine.

Here’s the prescription I am taking:

(1)  Give up the illusion of control. My “illusion” is that I can make it all better. I cannot. So the question becomes: of what of this can I control? I can move household items into boxes. I can clean other rooms of my house. I can learn how to eat with chopsticks. I can slow down before I pounce. I can relish whatever time I have with Mom and focus on the moment.

(2)  Ask for help. My neighbor has volunteered her home that will be empty over Christmas. My MAC buddies can give me advice about printers. (Duh-I should have asked them first. No, I “pounced”.) I will ask my relatives to wash their own dishes.

(3)  Reframe the situation. As my husband says, “this will be an adventure.” He’s right. Who knows what lurks around the bend?  Why not ask what wonderful surprises there might be? Maybe we can make a game of “who can find the can of soup?”

(4)  Help someone else. When Mom is in a state that I can’t get her in a wheelchair to hear the music she loves, I will join the other residents and lead them in song. I did this and felt a wonderful peace in the process. It is about “doing what you can do”. I loved it. And from the looks on faces, they loved it to.

(5)  Be grateful. How can I forget this!  I have a roof over my head. I have an insurance policy. I have neighbors. I have a good place for Mom. I have loving caregivers. I have glorious family and friends. And yes, I can still sing.

My hope for this season—amid the chaos—is that I might find it WONDER-FILLED and resilient in the end.

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BOLD LEADERS SPEAK UP

Written by Eileen on November 30th, 2011 — 1 Comment

Anyone Can Be An Ally

When gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people don’t feel safe and valued at work, productivity goes down, and organizations fail in their efforts to attract and retain the best and brightest talent. Many organizations realize this, and have created clear policies on the issues. But in order for the climate to change, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people need allies to speak up.

This is a very thoughtful, balanced resource that merits much attention…  an important film on an issue so few of us understand how to address in the work environment. It is one thing to have a skill set in referencing and working with race or religion. It is quite another challenge to talk about gender and sexual orientation.

I have an obvious personal motivation to be an ally: my twin brother is a gay man. I also know two more things from knowing him. The first is that sexual orientation like gender orientation is not a “preference” or choice. The second is that my brother has been a compassionate, effective and even beloved scholar-teacher at the university where he works – but only because he has been fortunate to find the allies in his work community that have supported him in being wholly himself.

My professional motivation in commending Brian McNaught’s film is that I recognize, despite my personal commitment, I know that I have a lot to learn about how to be a skillful and effective ally. This film would be helpful to any one who wants to help create a work environment where every employee can flourish because they do not have to expend the energy trying to maintain a firewall between their family/personal lives and their professional lives. These are things that those of us who are heterosexual simply do not have to worry about.

Look at this video. Celebrate what everyone, when respected, can bring to your world. Here’s the link:  Anyone Can Be An Ally

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Speakers Platform Top5 Speaker Nomination

Written by Eileen on November 28th, 2011 — 2 Comments

Speakers Platform has just announced our “Top5 Speaker” nominations for 2012 and I am one of the nominees in the Team Building/ Leadership category.   This is the category that I won this year.

Each year Speakers Platform recognizes five speakers within ten popular topic areas. Recognition of excellence in speaking is based on: expertise, professionalism, innovation within the topic area, client testimonials and references, presentation skills and online votes.

Feel free to visit the voting page and register a vote for me at http://www.speaking.com/top5.

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Turkey Trot Humor Brings a Message for Resilient Living

Written by Eileen on November 27th, 2011 — 1 Comment

When I laced up my running shoes and headed down to Dana Point Harbor on Thanksgiving morning, I did experience a twinge of regret.

No Thanksgiving at my house. A broken hot water pipe under the floor of my kitchen and dining room had turned my gorgeous wood floor into splinters. Restoration crews had already yanked out my cabinets and an environmental team was scheduled to show up the next day to break into walls and determine mold damage. AAARGH!

But as the sun rose over the mountains and broke into the cloudy morning, I thought about my assistant, Francesca, and having her first Thanksgiving without her younger sister who died in her sleep just weeks earlier.

I remembered that I was running in this race with 10,000+ people to raise money for FEED America.

I remembered 2 years ago when I ran in pouring cold rain and thought I would never complete the course.

I remembered that I had just paid all my bills and whispered a word of gratitude that there was still some money left in the bank.

But it was the runners themselves who surrounded me and just made me laugh. One runner wore a complete turkey outfit. Her companion wore an apron and a big chef’s hat and carried a turkey baster so she could constantly spurt water at her friend, “the Turkey”. I saw many felt turkey carcasses on the tops of people’s heads. There were people dressed like elves and Santas, reindeer and rap stars. It seemed to me that there were more costumes this year than ever before. I think an economic crisis has all of us looking for something that can make us laugh. Laughter is indeed one of the hallmarks of resiliency.

Here are just some of the pictures: a father and his 2 daughters running as the Indians from the 1st Thanksgiving. The next 3 men came as mustard, ketchup, and a hot dog. I can’t believe they actually ran in costume the entire time. And of course, I’m not quite sure what this man had on his mind with his get-up. I think it was called “throw it all together”.

Strangers waved to each other and shouted happy Thanksgiving. Bystanders hollered “Run, Turkey, run!” Babies waved their arms from jogging strollers. And as I crossed the finish line, an active-duty Marine put a medal around my neck and I was able to shake his hand and say, “thanks for your service.” Wow! What a day.

P.S. One of my best friends, Cindy Bright, added us to her 19 person Thanksgiving dinner and that made me laugh: 8 of those folks were children with incredible sense of humor, great wit, ready conversation. Now let us remember that too many children the rest of the days of the year still go hungry. I think I should run a Turkey trot every day. How about you?

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Leadership Five Hundred Ranking

Written by Eileen on November 22nd, 2011 — 2 Comments

The Leadership 500 is an annual ranking of the best individuals, teams, and organizations in leadership development practices and employee motivation-productivity.  The Leadership 500 was published in the October 2011 Special Edition of Leadership Excellence and sent to our over 187,000 paid membership base including the Fortune 1000 and many of the world’s “movers, shakers, and decision makers.”

McDargh Communications was ranked number 28 in the category of Independent Consultants/Trainers/Coaches in our Leadership 500.

Organizations were evaluated based on seven criteria:

  1. Vision/mission.  Are your vision and mission statements linked to strategy, meaningful to participants, and focused on target outcomes?
  2. Involvement and participation. How broad is the involvement and how deep the participation?
  3. Measurement and accountability. What ROI measures are made and reported, and to what degree is accountability for performance and results part of the program?
  4. Design, content, and curriculum. How well designed is the program? How credible is the content? How relevant is the curriculum? How customized is the program?
  5. Presenters, presentations, and delivery. What are the qualifications of the presenters, how effective are their presentations, and how is the program delivered?
  6. Take-home value. What do participants take away and apply to improve themselves, their families, their teams, and their volunteer work?
  7. Outreach. What is the impact of the program on stakeholders?

You can see the rankings at http://www.eep2.com/edownloads/11october/10le9563257/ldpr_500_2011.pdf

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Malaria No More

Written by Eileen on November 16th, 2011 — 2 Comments
Half of the contributors recorded interviews and monologues for the “End Malaria” book which were compiled into a free recording:

The “End Malaria” book makes a great holiday gift and you can let the recipient know that profits go to the organization “Malaria No More”!
Posted in Plain Talk

Work is a Four-letter Word From End Malaria

Written by Eileen on November 14th, 2011 — 1 Comment

The book “End Malaria” has raised over $300K for Malaria No More.  If you haven’t already purchased this book please consider buying it or giving it away as a holiday gift.  In the spirit of the holidays my contribution to the book is reprinted below:

I hear the snickers already. Elevate your minds. I’ve got another word that we often don’t attach to work. It is a word of redemption, of contribution, of achievement, of community, and ultimately, of legacy.

Here it is: LOVE.

Kahil Gibran said, “Work is love made visible.” My version of Gibran: “ A job is what you do for a paycheck. Work is what you do for a life.”

Work is that energizing, all-encompassing activity that allows you to bring skills to bear in ways that are satisfying beyond a pay period. It is that activity that saves you from being a faceless number in a mechanistic wheel. It is that activity which makes a contribution to a larger world order. It is that activity from which you sense a measure of accomplishment and achievement. It excites you. It gives you joy. It binds you to a community of people who are stakeholders in what you do. Ultimately, it has a ripple effect and the potency of a legacy for those who follow.

“”Yeah right,” you mutter. “Mike Rowe is making a fortune on his reality show ‘The World’s Dirtiest Jobs’. You can’t tell me that love is involved in THOSE jobs!”

Great point! It seems that not every employment opportunity has such grand potential. Just take the money, leave it as soon as you can for greener pastures. Screw those miserable bosses. Thumb your nose at the customer.

Or maybe you feel like a dead (wo)man walking, hating what you do but too scared to jump. A wobbly economy whiplashes everyone. Wall Street meltdown, corporate greed, and icon-like presidents who crash as fallen idols make daily headlines. Just hunker down and wait it out.

And tomorrow you die.

That’s it. Plain and simple. While you are looking for the dream vocation, the better work environment, the nicer boss, reality can step in and your one moment on Planet Earth is gone forever. Your life is over. Kaput. Dead. You’re outta here.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to transform wherever you find yourself—even while continuing to search—so that if and when you leave, there’s a faint footprint of achievement, community, contribution, and yes, even the memory of a beneficial interaction.  Such a transformation allows you to love yourself in the process.  It keeps bridges from burning and strengthens a network of relationships that one day you might call upon.

The critical question becomes: how do you turn a “job’ into a “work”—into something that gives you more than a paycheck?  No, you might not be able to alter the corporate strategic plan, paint the garbage truck peppermint pink or change a boss from a toad to a prince.  But there are specific action items you can take within your sphere of influence.

1. Control the controllable

Stop wasting energy over situations, events, or people whom you cannot control. Ask yourself what is within your sphere of influence and handle that and nothing else! I can’t control an earthquake but I can be prepared.

2. Make it a game

Games involve skill, speed, accuracy, strategy, fun AND scorekeeping. For decades, Charles Coonradt, author of The Game of Work and CEO of The Game of Work LLC, has consistently shown that the very components of recreational enjoyment can be replicated in the workplace.

3. Think contribution

If this were your last day on earth, what action could you take to make a contribution to someone or some thing. It might be small. Example: You called the hotel maid by name and wrote her a note (along with a tip) about how much you appreciated her effort. You paid the toll for the car behind you. You helped an administrative assistant collate a report so she could go home to her kids.  At the end of the day, write in a blank journal (labeled deposits) and write what contribution you made. You’re storing up a treasure that won’t be impacted by the stock market.

4. Practice intelligent optimism

This is the skill of reframing—of taking the difficult, the dirty, the depressing and asking if there might be another way to see this. How could you reframe the event or the person? Example: “It’s not a bad hair day. It’s a GREAT hat day.”  Or think of this: “She’s not a horrid boss. She’s teaching me everything I want to learn NOT to do when I am a manager.”

Got the idea? Don’t wait. Time is too precious to squander. You CAN fall in love again.

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Veteran’s Day—a Memorial Grove Dedication

Written by Eileen on November 11th, 2011 — 2 Comments

Tonight, I will stand on the football field of Brea Olinda High School. Before the homecoming game kicks off, there will be a tribute and a dedication of a living memorial: a grove of pepper trees on the school grounds.

You see, the Orange District California Federation of Women’s Clubs are dedicating these pepper trees to the twelve Women Airforce Service Pilots (WASP) from Orange County who served in World War II. Sadly, only one will be there. A number have passed away. One has cancer. And our mom, almost 96, is in a memory care unit and paralyzed on the entire left side from a recent stroke.

I like the idea of trees: roots stretching deep into the earth, silently seeking nutrients and ground to hold their trunks upright. I believe all men and women who are veterans and who serve now are deeply rooted in a belief that both nurtures and allows them to stand straight.

I like the idea of trees: branches stretching skyway, offering shelter to families who can picnic beneath the leafy boughs. I believe all men and women who are veterans and who serve now offer us the shelter of safety and constancy.

On this Veteran’s Day, we owe so much to not only our elder veterans but, I believe, even more to our current veterans. An unprecedented number of wars have devastated families and lives. No wars have brought home so many warriors wounded physically and mentally.

In all the bipartisan wrangle over budget, we must never forget that we owe an incredible debt to the men and women who serve. We, too, must make whatever financial sacrifices are necessary so they are supported on our shores.

Here are some ideas that individuals can do to help veterans on 11/11/11:

(1) Save coupons-even if expires. Military families can use them for up to six months past expiration. www.Coupsfortroops.com
(2) Send a CARE package. Through the Kitchen Table Gang, hospitalized veterans and troops abroad can receive personalized packages. Get a service member’s name and address from KTG. www.soldierspackages.org
(3) Donate DVDs. Drop off DVDs at local VA or mail them to www.dvds4vets.org
(4) Help build a house: either manual labor or with supplies or equipment. See www.homesforourtroops.org
(5) Make a donation to Wounded Warrior Project of $10. Press **HERO on your cell phone.
(6) Give away your old cell phone. Send to www.cellphnesforsoldiers.com. For each phone donated, the organization will pay for an hour of talk time for troops overseas.

Lastly, Let us hold these men and women and their families in your hearts and prayers.

P.S. Watch the award-winning Wounded Warrior documentary here: http://nspyr.com/ . Just won the Virginia Film Festival Award. A powerful film created by my friend and colleague, Randy Larsen Colonel USAF Retired.

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Life Work – Try Ironing pillow cases

Written by Eileen on October 28th, 2011 — 1 Comment

At 5am this morning, I listen to a colleague’s recording while I spray water on pillowcases. The hot steam presses out wrinkles. The cases crisp up and soften. I grab for the top sheet and iron three-quarters of it. Who cares where it tucks into the bottom of the bed.

I then start on the dishtowels. At last comes my white shirt. The seams lay flat now. The collar perks up with sizing.

Sometimes, the greater part of valor is action that lets you breathe.  ow down. See results.

Ironing does that for me. When the news shrieks disaster and doom and politicians refuse to do anything that hurts their re-election status, we stand dumbfounded, helpless, and furious.

That’s when I iron. I see results. I think.

I also remember how Mom taught me to iron: first on Dad’s handkerchiefs and then pillowcases. The iron was heavy and the ironing board made of wood. I graduated to shirts, learning you started with the placket at the back, then the collar, then the body and finally the sleeves. Inevitably, somewhere along the line, I’d also wind up with a couple burns.

I’ll bet few, if any, children today are taught to iron. Heck, their parents probably don’t even own one or if they do, it is tucked away in that secret utility room closet.

Pity.

What do you think?

Posted in Plain View, Work/Life Balance | Tagged

Women’s Leadership Conference In Brea

Written by Eileen on October 20th, 2011 — 1 Comment

Eileen is proud to announce that she is presenting at the Women’s Leadership Conference sponsored by the Brea Chamber of Commerce on November 4, 2011.

Empower Yourself with the Wisdom of Proven Leaders!
Enrich your personal and professional life with the wisdom of our exceptional keynote speakers – leadership and life balance expert Eileen McDargh and Orange County Sheriff Sandra Hutchens.

Enhance Your Business Savvy & Develop Your Inner Power!
Each breakout session will include proven techniques and practical tips you can use immediately to better your business and your life.

Create Powerful Connections at the Women’s Wine-Down!
Unwind from the day and share your experiences with other attendees, visit with women-oriented exhibitors and listen to music while enjoying a glass of wine.

Conference Speakers
Spend the day with some of the most inspiring people you’ll ever meet – your keynote and breakout session speakers! These highly experienced and acclaimed experts include:

Eileen McDargh, McDargh Communications . Sheriff Sandra Hutchens . Nancy Giaimo, Changing Spaces . Cheryl Osborn, Casco Construction . Kendra Vallone, NibNobs Sweet Company . Debbie Campbell, Right Management . Debra Settle Brough, New York Life Insurance Company . Karie Armstrong, TK Armstrong & Associates . Torrey Smith, Marriage & Family Therapist . Erik & Darlene Arevalo, Crossfi t Brea . Cathy Thomas, Author . Manal Richa, Small Business Development Center . Rosetta Pugliese, CBS NewsRadioLA . Cara Stewart, Remarx Media . Rayanne Thorn, Broadbean Tech

Register Online Registration deadline Monday, October 31

Click here for complete event details
Download event flyer

This event is open to the public. Please forward this e-mail to your colleagues and clients that may be interested in attending.

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