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Update From Eileen
This has been a summer of loss; a summer of coming to grips with this thing called “aging” and a summer of reflection.
Loss: My precious friend and mentor, Rosita Perez, CPAE, lost her 20-year battle with MS. This gorgeous, compassionate woman used her remarkable speaking talent and simple music to transform audiences. She has helped more people in the speaking profession than I can count. And her handwritten notes of encouragement and insights are valued by many of us who still keep them in our treasure troves. The outpouring of love that now reaches out to her husband of 49 years & 11 months says volumes about her legacy.
Loss & Aging: My 92 year-old mother who entered an assisted living center in February fell and broke her leg in August. With bones the density of Styrofoam, surgery is not an option. Now, totally wheelchair bound, in a leg brace at a 90 degree angle, she’s experienced tremendous loss. She’s gone from being confident, independent, and tremendously happy to someone who is depressed, frustrated and very angry. Who can blame her! Only time will tell if her leg can heal enough to get limited mobility.
Aging: I hit a milestone marker with my September birthday. To think that there are more years behind me than in front is a staggering thought. My wonderful family and friends created a never-to-be-forgotten party that was sure bigger and better than my last birthday party at age 16! My talented sister created a scrapbook filled with pictures and letters from friends and family–letters that made my spirit soar and my heart feel humbled. Still–how much more to do?
Reflections: I think I’ll save those for the end of this newsletter. In the meantime, remember each minute has eternity in it.
Warmly,
Eileen
Today’s Economy DEMANDS a Critical Skill: Optimism
Global warming. Water shortages. Terrorism. Failing health care system. Wars around the globe. Gas prices. Severe economic downturn. Look at the headlines and it’s enough to make you stay in bed.
But wait! There is hope. It’s not the cock-eyed optimism sung about in South Pacific, the hottest show on Broadway. Rather it’s what psychologists in France are calling “intelligent optimism.” Such optimism does not deny the reality of today?s world, but rather seeks to LEARN how to fashion a life amid such difficulties. Martin Seligman, the psychologist who had made optimism and happiness his life’s work, would agree with the French: optimism can be taught.
Consider these basic steps:
(1) Focus on what you can control. Don’t get carried away by circumstances you cannot change. You might not change global warming, but you can control your energy consumption. You can’t stop the downsizing in your company, but you can arm yourself with marketable skills.
(2) Reframe the event so that you are not a victim. There is always another way to view a situation. The flight cancellation that caused me to miss (and forfeit) a major engagement was not “planned” to “get” me. It just was. My choice is to figure out what I can do to help the current client and what will I put in place of the cancelled work.
(3) Think “enough”. When we concentrate on what we don’t have, we miss all the many things we do have. The truth of the matter is that if you are reading this article, you do have enough computer power. You do have enough intelligence. You do have enough.
(4) Cultivate optimistic responses. Like a farmer tending a field, optimism will never grow unless it is watered, fed, weeded, and nourished. We all have days in which negativity can take over. And, sometimes, that is a WISE response because it keeps us grounded in reality. Just make sure it is reality and not the imagination making extraordinary leaps into conjecture. Weed out that conjecture. Ask what you can DO to see a result that gives you a sense of power. As Alexander Graham Bells stated, “Sometimes we stare so long at the closed door we fail to see the one that is opening.”
(5) Remember the power of generations. Children of depressed parents are more prone to depression. Children of optimists are more prone to be optimists. What do you choose to pass along? Even if your parents were negative, you can break the cycle by stopping, freeze-framing a situation, listening to the negative self talk, and then literally giving yourself a different message. Yes, this is a practice. A hard practice. But you can make it a habit if you work it over time.
Ultimately, intelligent optimists understand that change and chaos are given. They know that “this too shall pass.” In the meantime, they CHOOSE to take whatever action they can within their own sphere of influence and then settle back. It is enough.
Words to the Wise
OK enough with the serious. Let’s have some fun!! Enjoy these thoughts:
* I started out with nothing-I still have most of it.
* When did my wild oats turn to prunes and All Bran?
* I finally got my head together. Now my body is falling apart.
* Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.
* All reports are in. Life is now officially unfair.
* If all is not lost, where is it?
* It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
* If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
Must Read Books
Authenticity – What the Customers Really Want, James Gilmore and Joe Pine, Harvard Business School Press, 2008.
I normally don’t recommend a book while I am still in the process of reading it. However – this is a dense book, a scholarly book, a not-quick read book. Better start NOW! Why? These are the two men who brought us the EXPERIENCE Economy which so aptly captured the huge shift from an information and service age to the age of consumers seeking an “experience.” Bottom line: consumers are tired of being lied to. Behavior and beliefs better match. Whether a service, a product, a politician, or a workplace, authenticity is translated into five economic offerings. Read the book to know more. It’ll take months to digest but it’s important.
The Gift of Years – Growing Older Gracefully, Joan Chittister, Blue Bridge 2008.
While I am far from the age of Chittister, this Benedictine nun has always been one of my favorite, insightful and honest writers. Aging gracefully is not a threshold with time but rather a way we walk through life. Unlike Pine & Gilmore’s book, this one can be grabbed and read at whatever chapter calls you. Think of this as a series of thought-provoking meditations about cultivating wisdom from a life well-lived.
Speaking of books: YEAH. WE WON!!! Gifts from the Mountain- Simple Truths for Life’s Complexities won the Benjamin Franklin Book Award as the top gift book! Ask for it at your favorite bookstore or order it at http://www.eileenmcdargh.com/books/
Personal Reflections from This Summer
In face of all that has transpired, my intentions for this new stage of life will take some sorting out and mulling. My initial reflections fall in these areas:
Legacy: It has nothing to do with inheritance. What is the love I would leave behind? What memories do I deposit in the vault of lives that surround me? Do I tread lightly on this fragile earth? Will anyone remember my laugh?
Health maintenance: Looking at my gene pool, I KNOW I had better continue all the bone-building-exercise and calcium-gulping I can. I’m living a loooong time. My insurance company celebrated my birthday by upping my premium 35% on a $3500 deductible. And I am healthy !! ZOUNDS! May we all eat, exercise, and rest in such a way that lifestyle choices don’t cause us to exceed our deductibles!
Compassion: I find myself wanting people and situations to be different then they are. My frontier of growth is to find the compassion to detach from an outcome and instead, sit in solidarity with whatever pain or sorrow confronts me.
Carpe diem: That’s Latin for “Seize the day!” I don’t know about you but “seizing” is difficult when e-mails, cell phones, travel, and work pile up. I speak on work/life balance and I, too, am a work in progress. What is REALLY important?
The More-SO theory: I can hear my friend, Jane Handly, tell me that “whatever you are today – you’ll be more-so when you age.” Yikes! I am asking my family to tell me what traits I have that will drive them nuts if “more so” applies. I think you can teach an old dog new tricks.
No more dreams deferred: Study Spanish in San Miguel de Allende? Write more books? Seek adventures with other lands and cultures? Sing, dance, and make music on the wind? Or perhaps to stand still, pay attention, and see what the world holds out if I am quiet with my eyes wide open.
And you, my friends — What are your reflections? Write me at eileen@eileenmcdargh.com
PS. Long ago, I decided I would never have “clients.” Only friends.
PPS. My birthday is a double celebration with my twin brother, John, a much loved professor at Boston College.
Happy Autumn, Twinner!
Welcome to the McDargh Clan of Clients
UC Davis Health Care System
The Principal Financial Group
27th Annual Hartford Business Women?s Forum?the oldest and largest in the US
National Assistance League
CFO BIOCOM Forum
La Porte Education Foundation
Overview and Contact Information
Is life leading you instead of you leading a life?
Is work working you instead of you doing the work?
You’re not alone! It’s the challenge of our times.
From business leaders to rank-and-file workers, the competitive 24/7 world of heart-stopping change has left many feeling in need of new tools to answer these questions:
- How do I engage more of my talent and that of the folks around me in meaningful work?
- Why is it that resiliency is a word I think of only with rubber bands?
- Why does it seem that we compete more with each other than the competition?
It’s tough when the rate and pace of work leaves you feeling disconnected, unheard, and certainly not aligned to produce results that matter in the long run.
Then there’s the issue of joy. Flat out joy. You don’t want “work” to become exclusive of play. Leave your spirit and heart at the door, and it’s hard to be creative and productive. You want to be connected with people who respect you and visa versa. You want to do good work— no, make that GREAT work– in the bargain. You want to spend your time in a place that lets your spirit soar and your talent shine. My joy is in helping individuals and organizations rediscover the joy of living and the joy of satisfying work.
If you want results that go well beyond the bottom line—contact us. Since 1980, we’ve been engaging the human spirits of individuals and organizations. Now—it’s your turn.
Call 949-496-8640 949-496-8640 or send email eileen@eileenmcdargh.com
