Stronger By Any Measure

Women can have it all, but first YOU need to figure out what “IT” is that you want!  Just remember, allow your goals to change over time. You will change and your priorities and ambitions will change and sometimes plans don’t always work out as we intend.  Being flexible will help you stay on track and understand that sometimes, you are going to fail. Failure is a part of growth.  It allows you to learn from your mistakes and makes you stronger as you face difficult challenges.

What we need to understand as women is that there will be many obstacles to achieving your goals. Our reality is that we are in a male-dominated world, but I believe women will rise as we continue to reveal our value.  So often, women leave the workforce because of the difficulty with balancing personal and professional lives.  Being in the corner office, Sergeant Major of the Marine Corps or Female Infantry Officer may not be for everyone.

No matter what you decide, there is no right or wrong answer and I certainly don’t have all the answers.  Serving in the military taught me a number of skills that have been essential to my success since I reentered the civilian world — and contain valuable lessons for other women. In order to be successful in whatever you decide, below are a few tips that I would like to share with you that have helped me.

Be Confident

Women tend to look at things differently than men and often we second-guess ourselves. We don’t give credit to ourselves when credit is due. You deserve your success. Create ownership of success and understand your own success. Believe in yourself!

Don’t just talk about it, be about it!

Your ideas and concepts are valuable. Speak up. Sometimes you will have good ideas and other times you will not. Keep your hand up! You will never know what opportunities can come to you if you do not get out of your comfort zone.

Create a level playing field.

Juggling home and work is difficult. Choose a partner who will support your ambitions and will do their part with the kids. Often women are the ones sacrificing for their partner.  Making equal contributions is key to a successful relationship, family life and career.

Develop emotional intelligence

We probably all know people, either at work or in our personal lives, who are really good listeners. No matter what kind of situation we’re in, they always seem to know just what to say – and how to say it – so that we’re not offended or upset. They’re caring and considerate, and even if we don’t find a solution to our problem, we usually leave feeling more hopeful and optimistic.

We probably also know people who are masters at managing their emotions. They don’t get angry in stressful situations. Instead, they have the ability to look at a problem and calmly find a solution. They’re excellent decision makers, and they know when to trust their intuition. Regardless of their strengths, however, they’re usually willing to look at themselves honestly. They take criticism well, and they know when to use it to improve their performance.

People like this have a high degree of emotional intelligence, or EI. They know themselves very well, and they’re also able to sense the emotional needs of others.

As this journey continues, I am looking forward to sharing my obstacles and experiences with you to assist with your growth and opportunity!

You can reach Jenna at:    Lady Leatherneck and Twitter: @jenna_lombardo1

NOTE:  Jenna Lombardo wrote this to her sisters in the military.  However, her advice is solid for men and women in all work environments:

So often, the military small unit leadership has turned a blind eye to sexual harassment and sexual assaults.  It is only until recently that action is being taken due to the high-ranking incidents that have occurred.  Each branch of service has come out with its own method of prevention training.

In my opinion, this training is senseless if the leaders who instruct these courses and the students within do not have respect for their female counterparts to begin with.  Prevention needs to start with women who stand up for themselves and chose to start a ripple effect. One in three women experiences sexual assault during their military career and very rarely are these incidents dealt with.

I am not suggesting that every experience that you encounter should be dealt with by complaining to your chain of command, but as women, we need to put an end to the behavior of men who attempt to take advantage of women and create a foundation for young ladies who come into the military force after us.

Women are not fragile or submissive; it is time we stand up for ourselves and for our sisters in arms.

(1) Talk to the person directly

When the initial sexual harassment incident takes place, ask the person harassing you to stop. If your harasser continues displaying the same behavior, inform your harasser that you plan to file a report if the behavior continues. Some people discontinue their behavior once you threaten to report them. If the harasser fails to stop, you can take further action.

Particularly, when I have been firm and obviously not interested in their behavior, it deters them from saying or making any gestures toward me.

(2) Find other victims and witnesses

Search for other victims of sexual harassment by your harasser. You may find that some other victims have filed complaints in the past. Secure the testimony of any witnesses of your incidents in writing. This helps support your claim.

This was particularly helpful for me when I first entered the Marine Corps. I had encountered an instructor in my MOS school who was harassing other young women (E-1/E-2). This instructor made his way to me and said some VERY inappropriate things to me and then began to stalk me. It felt wrong, but I was naïve. I spoke to other women who felt the same and I was the ONE who spoke up and in the end, he was held accountable and eventually court martialed and kicked out.

(3) Inform Your Supervisor

If talking to your harasser did not stop the harassing behavior, report all incidents to your immediate supervisor. Ask your supervisor for a meeting to explain the situation in person.

The reality is that sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t.  However, do not give up.  If your immediate supervisor overlooks it, than that is a leadership failure.  Stand your ground and make sure that you are not mistreated in that manner again.

YOU ARE VALUABLE. Don’t let anyone make you think or feel that your intuition is wrong.

keynote speakerTalk about “leaning in”. Imagine doing two combat tours in Iraq, being promoted because of “meritorious combat service”, being nominated three times as “Enlisted Woman of the Year” and then facing sexual harassment from a senior enlisted advisor.

I encountered Jenna Lombardo through her story posted on Sheryl Sandberg’s LEAN IN site.

Given the current details of increased sexual harassment and assaults on women within the military, I wanted to find out more about this amazing woman.

Over coffee at a local Pain du Monde, this gorgeous woman spoke about how she realized there were few other women she could turn to for advice and support.

Today, as a former Marine, mother, a Marine wife, student and philanthropist her response has been to create a support group called Lady Leatherneck. Through Lady Leatherneck, her goal is to bring a community of military women together through shared experiences, to counsel, and to mentor and inspire one another.

In my next blog, I have asked Jenna for advice on how to handle sexual harassment.

It has taken some time for me to pick up this post. Boston occupies my mind.  Yet life goes on. The people of Mumbai and the business operations resumed after 2008.  So must I.

Dateline: Mumbai J.W. Marriott April 11, 2013

The calm dignity and service mindset of the staff is refreshing. As the facilitator for these days of meetings, they constantly respond to my every request.  There is always someone present outside the room should I need anything! The meeting room is set as if we were at a wedding with covered chairs tied in silver ribbons. Each roundtable has a beautiful arrangement of white roses and stargazer lilies. Platters of cookies constantly appear on the table. Memo pads are 8 x 11 sheets sitting on top of thick leather portfolios.

leadership expertAhh the food! Expansive lunch and breakfast buffets defy description in both their presentation and their quality. If only I knew how to eat the various Indian delicacies! Over here is the table of salmon, cream cheese, capers and red onion: assorted imported cheeses surround the salmon. Pastries of infinite variety stare me in the face. An egg station affords any kind of breakfast preparation I would care for. Chefs wait to  prepare dosa and samosa with everything from vegetables to chicken.

professional speakerOur “snacks” at meeting breaks are like small meals: doughnut sandwiches made from doughnut bread, not fried or glazed, but soft and sweet and stuffed with chicken. Little puffs filled with eggplant and lentils. Herbed bread with pesto and vegetables. Burp.  I wish I were like a cow with two stomachs!

Mumbai offers rainbow of colors. Every female—even children— are wrapped in the brightest of hues: turquoise, pink, gold, green. Saris range from irregular patterns to embellished silks.  And despite the dust and dirt that rises from hoards of people, white pants and shirts are mostly spotless.

professional speakerWhen we take the team for a few hours to a local market, our guide, Deepa, points out the Hindu temple next to the mosque next to the Christian shrine.  She explains that India is generally tolerant and accepting of difference.  Deepa explains traditions in marriage, traditions in celebrations, and traditions in food.  Surely this is a country that simultaneously lives in the past, present and future.

resiliencyShe gestures to the vendors in the crowded market stalls who rent space to sell everything from coconuts to mangoes; from chilies to Ayurvedic herbs. She points out that even the poor vendors on the street who put produce on a cloth have traveled two hours at 4am to buy what they can and come to sit and sell what they can. They will sit in the heat all day and begin the process again tomorrow.

Such moments. Such magic. It is replicated threefold by the work of the managers who gather with me. They are open, reflective, good-natured, and dedicated to exploring how to advance themselves and the people whom they manage. In a morning meditation, they practice mindfulness, and focus. I am so proud of them!

Enjoy the pictures. The Magic. The Moments. Believe in the power of exploration, adventure, new experiences, and the wonder of learning from others.  You too can have Moments of Mumbai and Management Magic. You don’t have to leave your office. Look. Pay Attention and Listen. It is all here!!

A recent The New York Times article entitled, “It Takes a B.A. To Find A Job As A File Clerk” focuses on an Atlanta law firm that requires every employee – including the in-house courier making $10/hour – to have a bachelor’s degree.  The firm’s managing partner said that this requirement shows that every employee has made “a commitment” to their future and not just a paycheck.

The comment section was closed otherwise I would have responded with a resounding, “NOT SO!”

I just returned from addressing the Association of California Community College Administrators (ACCA) and walked away even more convinced in the validity of community colleges.  To be sure, community colleges serve as feeders for transferring students to four-year colleges.  Just as vital, however, is the role these schools play in creating sharp, career-focused professionals in certificate programs for health-related fields, technology, agriculture, manufacturing and more.

What an arrogant law firm to think that ONLY BA students are committed. Where would our workforce be without the men and women who become our firefighters, police officers, skilled technicians, and computer programmers? In California, 80% of veterans are enrolled to increase their skills for employment in a world very different from the battlefields.  Are they “less committed”?

Community colleges develop workers who are trained in solar, wind, alternative fuels, alternative transportation and biotech. Seventy percent of the nurses in California are trained in community colleges.

Bill Gates did not need a BA. I would call him “committed”. So are the majority of students who look to community colleges to help them succeed.

Last word: Support your community colleges. They are the keystone between high school and entering the adult world as productive, committed citizens.

PS: Wonder if that Atlanta law firm would like to PAY for every employee to get a BA. Might take some of the hot air out of their hiring practices.

Just when we are looking for creative, innovative, and forward-thinking leaders in all areas, including education, I read something that strikes me as a bonehead move.
Whatever were school officials at a Florida high school thinking when they locked 2,200 students in their classes and called a hazmat team? The grave danger:  in response to an assignment for students to bring in an element from the periodic table, some brought in thermometers. Smart kids: Thermometers contain mercury. Not-so-smart officials jumped from a thermometer to the rationale that because mercury is a toxin, an entire hazmat squad was needed. HUH???!?
I have two thermometers in my house. Guess I better call in the squad!

The Third Annual Women in Technology networking event was held recently by The Glass Hammer and they are sharing the three critical factors for women wanting to move up the ranks in technology companies.  These factors can actually make a difference in the career path of women in any industry so it’s worth a read even if you aren’t in the technology field.  Read the article here.

National Boss’s Day is October 16th, an international holiday established in 1958 by a secretary for State Farm Insurance Company. Traditionally a day for employees to thank their boss for being kind and fair throughout the year, it was originally conceived as an effort to improve the relationship between employees and their supervisors.

There probably have been many times when you and/or your fellow employees have complained about your boss.

Plenty of occasions when you said you would never have done it that way, or when you felt you deserved credit or appreciation and it just never came.

It’s probably also a good guess to say that you’ve found countless opportunities when precious time has been spent to whine, complain, and second guess. Goodness knows, we can all share the stories of the bosses from hell.

However, bad mouthing the boss can be bad business. Particularly because what we give out, we get back. What would happen if we reversed the trend and let the boss know what she did well? What would happen if we actually looked for what was right rather than what was wrong.

October 16th is National Boss Appreciation Day.  For good reason.

We need a kick-in-the-pants day. We did a quick survey and we found that employees agree that they don’t often stop to pay attention to something positive that was just said by a boss. They don’t tell the boss if his idea was a good one. They don’t let the boss know when their intervention prevented a battle, or nipped a problem before it grew.

Employees say they just didn’t think of it!

We believe you should. Not just because October 16th is National Bosses Day, but because giving credit, showing appreciation, noticing great behavior really does go both ways. If you want it, give it.

There are at least four opportunity points for you to watch for and act on. All can easily escape you, alas, they usually do.

1. Catch your boss doing something that helped you.
Ken Blanchard reminded us of the importance of this same idea when he wrote his immortal One Minute Manager. You know the feeling when something that you’ve done is ignored or discounted.

Start with October 16th and then continue it from there.  Managers are not mind readers. Be very specific, telling your boss exactly what they did that helped you, how you felt about it, and why it was important to you.  The more specific you can get, the greater likelihood that you will get repeat performance. Natch!

2. A simple thank you goes a long way.
You know how you feel when someone stops to thank you. You might have received the quick text message of acknowledgement or a post-it-note left on your desk.

We expect the boss to do it to us. But do we ever expect to do it in return. It truly turns the light on you when you express a simple thank you.

Keep in mind; this is not sucking up to your manager. If it is not sincere, forget it. We had an experience where a worker (who thought he had a jerk for a boss) began to focus on what his manager was doing right. His simple statement of thank you and appreciation began to manifest itself in the form of more positive behavior from the boss. Amazing! Once you see it and say it- you get it

3. Notice more!
There is so much we take for granted, so much that we expect from others. Doesn’t it feel great when your boss notices something (even something small) that you do almost every day? If the saying “whatever is recognized gets repeated” is true…then take the time to recognize the small things that seem to be done each day.

Here are some sentence stems that can start you off:

  • You made my day when….
  • It really touched me when….
  • I could not have done this without your help in
  • You surprised me when…..

4. Help them help you!
Instead of expecting your boss to read your mind…let them know what’s on it! Tell your boss what you need in order to do the very best work. And then, for heaven’s sake…when he does…let him know that you noticed.

Don’t just make a request. Tell your manager what you need and why and what will happen as a result. Believe it or not- most bosses need and want you to succeed. If you fail, they fail.

5. Remember that bosses are people too.
Aging parents. Troubled teens. Broken marriages. You name it. Salary grade and rank is an equal opportunity employer when it comes to troubles, misery and heartache.

Perhaps on boss appreciation day, you might step in the shoes of your manager and seek to understand rather than to be understood.

The grandiose sales figures they might be insisting upon could be coming from the pummeled fist of a senior executive or the whining voice of shareholders. It is not about you. It is about business realities.

The brisk tone could be the result of too many conference calls and a mother in hospice.

The irritation could be from sleepless nights and a pressing demand.

Scenarios are endless.  So are the ways you might use this date to think about Boss Appreciation from a spirit of generosity and compassion. The results could very well be astounding.

© 2011, McDargh Communications and Career Systems International.  Publication rights granted to all venues so long as article and by-line are reprinted intact and all links are made live.

Keynote speaker, leadership and work/life balance expert Eileen McDargh, CSP, CPAE, is an award-winning business author with five books and a consultant to national and international organizations.  Eileen offers a free quarterly e-zine and a frequently updated blog.  Visit http://www.eileenmcdargh.com to learn more.

Beverly Kaye is the founder and CEO of Career Systems International, and a best selling author on workplace performance She has worked with a host of organizations to establish cutting-edge, award-winning talent development solutions. Her books include LOVE ’EM OR LOSE ’EM: GETTING GOOD PEOPLE TO STAY), and LOVE IT, DON’T LEAVE IT: 26 WAYS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT AT WORK.  You can learn more about Beverly at http://www.careersystemsintl.com.

leadership speaker

Bill, Eileen and their canoe.

Make that an aluminum canoe: 18-feet long and weighing 83 pounds with no one and nothing in it.

That’s precisely what my husband and I had for our last foray into Lac La Croix at the boundary waters between the US and Canada. Our friends decided to use their tandem ocean kayak that had room for not much more than water bottles.  Guess which watercraft became the you-haul-um barge for tents, backpacks, waterproof food barrel, and sleeping bags.  We are now floating a few hundred pounds in our canoe!

My husband insisted on taking the stern, giving him the power of the rudder. Yours truly had the front.  Now, in our normal lighter canoes, I would have had some ability to influence our direction.  Forget it when you’re sitting in this unwieldy and heavy canoe.

All I could do was paddle.

The more I paddled, hour after hour, the more disillusioned and upset I became. It was mindless, boring, and absolutely galley slave work. At least when Bill fished from the back, he got diversion. Not me: Paddle. Paddle. Paddle.

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Eileen at the camp.

He’d say, “What do you think about going to the left by the rock ledge?” I wanted to revolt. It didn’t matter what I “thought”. He had all the control and my job was paddle, paddle, paddle.

Thus this post was born. The canoe reminded me of a large, inflexible organization. I represented the lowest level employee. My brain was not used. My opinions didn’t matter. I had no opportunity to move “back” and get training in another position. Nope. Just paddle, paddle, paddle.

I understand now why I hear some employees say, “It’s just a job. I put in my time and then I am out of there.”  Or “No one asks my opinion. It doesn’t matter what I think”  Or, “There’s no job advancement.”

I found myself inventing a diversion: map reading. I became the expert at reading the topography of the islands, finding the campsites, navigating us back to our tents.  Phew. It saved the trip and probably saved a marriage. Bill also handed the stern over to me for the last day so I could “learn” the helm. Smart man at last!

Which brings up a final lesson: one can’t learn leadership overnight. It takes practice.  I had to discover just how to use the paddle as a rudder when winds swept us sideways. I had to test how much tension to put into different turns. I was not always successful.

Would love to hear your thoughts! Any insights pop up? Let me know.

Have you thrown someone into a leadership capacity without time to train, to try, to fail, and try again?

Just returned from 9 days of backpacking in the Pioneer Basin region of the Southern CA High Sierras. The 12,000 – foot Mono Pass assured us that we were well tucked behind granite peaks and away from the ambient light of the LA Basin at night.

I tried, without luck, to photograph the millions of stars, the twirling Milky Way Galaxy  and the split seconds of shooting stars the zapped across the night.

Then the moon rose, starting as a sliver and ending up just short of full.  With its emergence, the array of stars that so mesmerized me became indistinct and faded from view.  It is the moon and its brilliance that seemed to occupy the night. In fact, throughout history, the moon gets far more popular attention than any other object in the sky.

Isn’t that so true in life: The brighter-than-all sales superstar, the blockbuster drug, the number one athlete, the great rainmaker, and on it goes.  The light from these individuals and products truly overshadow the rest.  Attention and praise are heaped on them.

In doing so, a leader can miss the incredible artistry of a lesser “star”. In some cases, these now over-shadowed people paved the way for the individual’s singular achievement.  The researcher toiling at the bench might not find a blockbuster drug but his discoveries could add much to collective wisdom and future achievements.

Don’t let the ultra bright person or thing obscure the complexity, beauty, and potential of others.

My simple thought from a sleeping bag.