Today is THE day. While taste might have been more appropriate for the culinary creations found tis Holiday, I believe that touch is what we yearn for more than food. Certainly my day could never start without the ritual hugs that let my sweet husband and I breathe the same air at he same time. Touch. Hugs. Hands clasped. Doggy kisses…all of those tactile sensations which says someone or something reached out to us. Last week, while visiting  an assisted care facility, I found that  despite minds and bodies bent with onslaughts of age, their eyes lit up with gentle hugs, with a touch to their hand, or a kiss on the cheek. Touch is so vital that therapist and author Virginia Satir stated that human beings need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth.  I personally would double all those amounts. This is the first Thanksgiving without my Mom. I woke up thinking of all the ways she touched me. She cuddled me in bed when I had a nightmare, put a cool hand on my burning forehead, bandaged up scrapes and cut out ingrown toenails.  In the last year of her life, when a stroke paralyzed her entire left side, I would kneel beside her wheel chair, throw my arms around her waist and place my head in her lap. Her good hand would caress my hair and we’d be still in peaceful silence. I think I was touched by an angel.    And you???  Who touches you today?  Better still, whom will you touch?

It’s Day Two in our countdown to Thanksgiving, a holiday that would never had happened in Lincoln had not LISTENED to Sarah Josepha Hale and her idea that the nation needed a day of gratitude. The Irish have a saying, “The Good Lord gave us two ears and a mouth which means we are suppose to listen twice as much as we speak.”  Sadly, we don’t. Listening is far different from hearing. Listening implies putting aside preconceived ideas and being open to the meaning behind the words. It implies asking reflective questions. In my book, "Talk Ain’t Cheap, It’s Priceless" listening plays a crucial role in effective leadership, community building, and family tending. At the same time, in the past, I too often took for granted the simple sense of hearing itself. Imagine living in a world where you can see someone’s mouth move but can’t make sense of what is coming out. Or perhaps you “think” you heard correctly, but some of the words weren’t correct. That’s what was happening to me until my sweet husband quietly put an ad for hearing aids on my desk and suggested I might look into it. OK. I swatted him. I cried. This is a malady that has struck every male in my family for four generations. Not me.  Alas, perhaps because I shared the womb with my twin brother who has significant hearing loss, I apparently have also gotten that genetic marker. I do wear hearing aids. Not all the time, but enough to appreciate the nuances of a stage production, to answer questions from my audience, and to joining into conversations at gatherings of many people. You, dear reader, are probably one of those blessed souls who has perfect hearing. Hearing is what occurs in moments like this: I was sound asleep today when the alarm went off, a classical station that sends up everything from soothing concertos to percussive passage from an obscure composer. I never know what will start my day.  Our water fountain is timed to start flowing at 4am. While that might be calming, the hard rock music at the gym gets my body pumped for a stair climbing or lifting weights. In contrast, the ride home from the gym is blissfully silent. I am grateful for my ears. I am grateful for help that lets me hear more. I am grateful for the music I sing and the songs I dance too. And I am eternally grateful when someone says, “Thanks for listening to me today.” That ranks higher than water flow or the orchestra. Where today will you be grateful for hearing AND for listening.

For all my years in working with women’s leadership issues, I am astounded at the criticism directed at Sheryl Sandberg, COO Facebook, with today’s release of her new book, LEAN IN. Yes, she’s in the rarefied air of Silicon Valley –but she has EARNED that right by her work, by brains, and by speaking out in a way she could be heard. You don’t read criticism of men who write leadership books full of advice and who also had the “same privilege”. She raises issues that point a sharp finger at the male-bastion in senior leadership AND she also gives some pretty pointed advice about what women who want to move into those spots must ALSO do. This is not an either /or book of advice. I find it a both/and discourse. What I’d rather hear are women supporting each other. What I’d rather hear is how women and men can give each other guidance on how to address work/life integration issues so that all sexes—with and without children—can have a full life. What I’d rather hear is advice on how women can speak up and be heard.

The criticism flies fast and furious over Sheryl Sandberg’s new book. She has started Lean In Groups for the purpose of helping women learn from each other. It’s an amazing site with interviews, how to create groups and more. I’d like to “tweak it”. I think there also needs to be Bring In Groups as part of the conversation. Specifically, bring in as many senior men into the conversation so that together we can look at how to craft workplaces that support meaningful career/life practices. This is not an either/or time. This is a time for both/and. All of us have a choice to stand up, lean in, and speak out for what we want to bring to the “party”. At the same time, senior leaders in the organization have an opportunity to explore just what are the unwritten and written “rules of the road” that might be re-examined so that all employees can bloom where they are planted—without uprooting the rest of their lives.

Consider these facts: (1)  All change—even self-selected change involves loss and therefore some pain. (2)  A carrot/stick approach rarely work in the long run. (3)  Gentle persuasion doesn’t engage someone. People don’t like to feel persuaded! (4)  Focused attention - over time - reshapes the patterns of the brain. **  Thus, for any change to “stick”, an action (and attention) need to be concentrated and continual. The brain has, in fact, neuroplasticity. It can be re-shaped but only with focused attention over time. (5)  People’s expectations shape their reality.  To reshape expectations, people need an event or an experience that provokes them to internally change their mental model. It’s an inside out approach.  That’s why we talk about employees “owning” any kind of change initiative. The “insights” about change must come from them—not directed from above. So what to do: Reframe the situation. Look at what is possible and positive.  Leave problem behaviors in one’s memory bank. Instead, focus on solutions that are facilitated so the individual develops personal insights rather than being given advice.  And then systematically, religiously, keep talking about solutions and actions. The ball will begin to move. ** 1997 study of 31 public-sector managers by Baruch College researchers found that a training program alone increased productivity 28% but the addition of follow-up coaching to the training increased productivity 88%.

Izaiah - now age 3, sits in a wheel chair connected to a respirator. His spiked hair bobs back and forth as I cradle his adorable five month–old sister, Caliah. My eyes fill with tears as I hear his parents talk about the events that brought them to one of their most important resources, Passion 4 Kids.org.  Two years ago, a drunk and stoned teenage driver plowed into the little guy’s stroller as he was being wheeled to a park.  What also fills my heart is the mission of Charles and Linda Van Kessler, founders of Passion 4 Kids. Because of Charles' background having been raised in a state run orphanage in Amsterdam, Holland during WWII, enduring abuse of every kind and surviving on flower bulbs, he started Passion 4 K.I.D.S. in 1986. When he met his bride in 2001 in San Diego, together with his wife Linda, they developed the charity into a more active organization. With Linda being a mentor for the San Diego County Foster Youth Program, Charles' and Linda's love for children makes it a perfect fit to expand their meaningful humanitarian mission. Passion 4 K.I.D.S. (Kids In Desperate Situations) is a 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization dealing with homeless, neglected, abandoned, abused and underprivileged children of any race, color and creed as well as children in emergency situations. We all need help to be resilient. Charles and Linda offer that help.

USA Today has a great article about the resiliency of Tuscaloosa, AL and Joplin, MO and their recovery and resilience after the tornadoes that ripped through these towns last year. My favorite part of the article is the beginning "Here is what you do after a massive tornado slashes the heart of your city, killing scores of citizens, wiping away landmarks of a lifetime.  You rethink everything."  Willingness to rethink old ways of doing things is part of being resilient and these two cities are the epitome of resilience.  Read the entire article here.

Resiliency requires adaptability, the willingness to seek multiple solutions to challenges and opportunities. Rather than limp along in the same fashion with processes created for far different times, I discovered five ideas from Mark McKinnon, GOP strategist and cofounder of NoLables, a movement to end partisan gridlock. Have all members of Congress work five days a week when in session, synchronizing House and Senate schedules with three weeks in D.C. and one week at home. Pass a “No Budget, No Pay” ruling that would dock members every day they fail to pass a budget on time. Require a yeah or nay vote on presidential appointments within 90 days or the candidate is confirmed by default. Introduce monthly bipartisan gatherings, bipartisan seating and a bipartisan leadership committee. Allow no pledges but the Oath of Office. It is time Congress behaves like real leaders who hold themselves accountable for all the stakeholders. Let me know what you think!

The end of this month, I’ll be heading to the Beverly Hilton and a walk down a red ca rpet. Yes, paparazzi and all.  But it is not for me! I am merely an invited guest of NPR’s Cindy Carpien, producer of The Original Fly Girls - the story of female WWII pilots. NPR’s coverage of the Congressional Gold Medal Award given to the Women Air Service Pilots WWII (WASP) has earned it a coveted GRACIE AWARD. Named after Gracie Allen, this award started 60 years through the Alliance for Women in Media (formerly AWRT). The Alliance has served as the voice and resource for women in the media. And for more than three decades, the Foundation has been a leader in celebrating and honoring programming created for women, by women and about women, as well as individuals who have made exemplary contributions to the industry. The Gracies strive to encourage the realistic and faceted portrayal of women in entertainment, commercials, news, features and other programs. As many of my readers know, my Mom (Mary Reineberg Burchard) was one of these pilots. Together with my sister, Susan Mullins and Pat Thomas, also the daughter of a WASP, we helped Cindy research the show and subsequent web site coverage. The result: on March 9, 2010, my sister, brother and I stood in our hotel room in DC and listened as Susan Stamberg opened up NPR’s Morning Edition with the story of these women.  Her full eight minutes beautifully summarized why we would journey to Capitol Hill to represent our mother in the ceremony.  Heidi Glenn, National Producer of Digital News produced an incredible web-story that included essays written by 20 of us about our WASP relatives.

Urban Zen is not a far-out sushi bar but rather a non-profit foundation created by fashion designer, Donna Karan. I had the wonderful opportunity of talking with Donna when we were both speakers at Simmons Leadership Conference. Little did I suspect that the soul of this black-draped woman resonated with passion for creating integrative healthcare among children, caregivers and communities. She has used her considerable resources to distribute tents as shelter for displaced Haitians. Urban Zen has produced a year-long series of nutritional workshops that focus on whole foods. Karan's foundation has hosted mission-driven events with the Dalai Lama, collaborated on art projects to preserve the indigenous artists of Australia, and joined with Beth Israel Medical Center to develop a program that uses integrative therapies in the care of cancer patients. DKNY will never look the same to me again!

Seventy-five percent of newly hired executives report having trouble with interpersonal skills, according to a new study released by the Institute for Executive Development and Alexcel. In short, while strong technical expertise and prior management experience might have gotten them the job, after two years in the position, they were underperforming and 27 percent of the hires had left the organization. What a waste! Think of the expense to hire, the loss of time and productivity, not to mention the reduction of employee goodwill and morale. I can hear the rank and file muttering about the idiots who are making hiring decisions. To support successful executive transitions for both both external hires and internal transfers, consider a robust onboarding process, mentoring from key executives, and executive coaching from external or internal consultants. In my practice, we’ve found that candid feedback (backed by 360 assessments) coupled with a specific development plan and strong support from senior management makes a tremendous difference. Interesting, isn’t it: we stumble at our most human skill: communication.

(Normally, I would write my own piece. However, Joan has produced something so eloquent, it must be shared--Eileen) “Work,” the Persian poet Gibran writes, “is love made visible.” A spirituality of work is based on a heightened sense of sacramentality, of the idea that everything that is, is holy and that our hands consecrate it to the service of God. When we grow radishes in a small container in a city apartment, we participate in creation. When we sweep the street in front of a house, we bring new order to the universe. When we repair what has been broken or paint what is old or give away what we have earned that is above and beyond our own sustenance, we stoop down and scoop up the earth and breathe into it new life again. When we compost garbage and recycle cans, when we clean a room and put coasters under glasses, when we care for everything we touch and touch it reverently, we become the creators of a new universe. Then we sanctify our work and our work sanctifies us. A spirituality of work puts us in touch with our own creativity. Making a salad for supper becomes a work of art. Planting another evergreen tree becomes our contribution to the health of the world. Organizing a good meeting with important questions for the sake of preserving the best in human values enhances humanity. Work enables us to put our personal stamp of approval, our own watermark, the autograph of our souls on the development of the world. In fact, to do less is to do nothing at all. A spirituality of work draws us out of ourselves and, at the same time, makes us more of what we are meant to be. Good work — work done with good intentions and good effects, work that up builds the human race rather than reduces it to the monstrous or risks its destruction — develops qualities of compassion and character in me. My work also develops everything around it. There is nothing I do that does not affect the world in which I live. In developing a spirituality of work, I learn to trust beyond reason that good work will gain good things for the world, even when I don’t expect them and I can’t see them. In that way, I gain myself. Literally. I come into possession of a me that is worthwhile, whose life has not been in vain, who has been a valuable member of the human race. Finally, a spirituality of work immerses me in the search for human community. I begin to see that everything I do, everything, has some effect on someone somewhere. I begin to see my life tied up in theirs. I begin to see that the starving starve because someone is not working hard enough to feed them. And so I do. It becomes obvious, then, that the poor are poor because someone is not intent on the just distribution of goods of the earth. And so I am. I begin to realize that work is the lifelong process of personal sanctification that is satisfied only for the globe. I finally come to know that my work is God’s work, unfinished by God because God meant it to be finished by me