Have we learned nothing from the disasters that hallmarked this last decade? Beginning with the horror of 9-11 through the disaster of Katrina right up to the Bernie Madoff madness (despite  a 10-year warning from securities executive, Harry Markopolos). The information was there all along but the agencies did not share information. Egos got in the way.  Old procedures hammered efforts and too many people wanted to blame others instead of actually create an information system that works. Now we discover that a failure to communicate allowed the Christmas flight of Northwest #253 to almost go down in flames.  God forbid that the CIA and the FBI should share information with each other.  Why learn from the mistakes of 9-11? How foolish it would have been for the US embassy officials to have put alleged terrorist Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab  on an immediate No-Fly list. Of course, it would have done little immediate good as the lists are sent to the airlines by snail mail.  SNAIL MAIL!!!!!  This last piece of information just puts me over the edge. I have zero pull with government leaders but I sure as heck can influence corporate leaders who do not want to see their departments or companies go down in flames. The secret (which is actually NO secret at all): START TALKING!!! (1)    Bring together the heads of every department and have them talk about what information they need to help them do their job better and what is the MOST EFFICIENT way to get that information. (2)    Make heroes of people/departments who pass along information. (3)    Find out what information is no longer necessary and get rid of it (50 page reports are a waste of time if all that is needed is a summary). (4)    Teach everyone the words to Harry the Happy Hoarder (sung to the tune of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer). Harry, the Happy Hoarder Harry the Happy Hoarder had a very shiny case. He never shared his data. He was out to win the race. He kept his people guessing. Just so he could call them wrong. “Policy” was the answer — he thought it made him strong. Then one day he passed away. All just shook their heads. No one knew the full “to do”, now that he was dead. So then the company folded. Went into oblivion. Smart people got the message. Now they share with everyone. P.S. Just hide behind “our policy” and never question why. Ruts will stay. It’s been that way. Who knows? It came from “on high”. And lastly, Consider buying a copy of my small but to-the-point little book "Talk Ain't Cheap".

PARENTS: How to make teens faint— Tell them you LOVE reading their posts on Facebook. It’s the only way you know what they are doing. TEENS: How to make parents faint— Tell them you can now instantly chat with 128 new friends in your IM Buddies list while they can NOT get two words out of you at the dinner table. MANAGERS: How to make your customers faint— Let them talk to a human being after being caught in an automated doom loop system for an hour. HUSBANDS: How to make your spouse faint— Tell her she can have total control over the TV remote. WIVES: How to make your spouse faint— Tell him you don’t WANT the TV remote. Besides, you can watch whatever you want on your laptop.  Na na na na na.

Information overload equates to a staggering $1.2 trillion in wages wasted each year according to a six year study of over 20,000 information workers.  Time to call a halt to this amazing abuse: (1)  Insist that the “reply all” email button be carefully considered before selecting “send” (2)  Just because information can be sent, do not assume it has value to the recipient. (3)  Establish a boundary for sending and receiving emails. Being on call 24/7 leaves workers exhausted and frazzled. Think of a time frame for rest and renewal.   If you are a manager, practice what you preach and model the boundaried-behavior. (4)  Get professional help for colleagues who seem addicted to connecting.  Fifty-four percent of all professional indicate they are often frustrated by colleagues who huddle over their PDAs during important meetings. (5)  Make a conscious effort to refrain from interruptions and to ask colleagues to respect your time. Workflow that is interrupted by email, “dings”,  IMs or calls results in reduced output and effectiveness. Create interruption management strategies and share them with all. (6)  Use the “IS IT NECESSARY” question before calling or attending a meeting.  If it is merely for sharing information, make sure that it is data that ANNOT be handled via succinct, bulleted correspondence.  Ask if the right people are at the meeting? Too often, the wrong people come because of formality and standard office protocol;. (7)  Seek good trainers who can deliver targeted programs on how to handle email, and teach a methodology for storing and retrieving documents. This is a new communication world and old methods don’t work. (8)  Don’t forget that meeting management is a learned skill. Start the year off right by helping information workers learn just how to conduct effective and efficient meetings. Note that effective and efficient are two distinct outcomes.

A Harris Interactive survey for Whitepages.com released findings on what communication modes are most open to misunderstanding. Not surprisingly, 80% of adults found it most easy to misinterpret the tone of e-mail.  Seventy-eight percent found text messages to be misleading, while 71% could also be put off by letters.  Consider this: all these modes are flat, one-sided genres that allow the reader to intuit just about anything into the mix. In our crazy busy world, how often do we automatically push the send key and instantly regret that action? Or how about the mistake of using upper case letters and the reader thinks he is being shouted at?  Then too, in the rush to respond and be brief, single line messages can come across as terse, harsh and often inflammatory.  Small wonder that e-mail might also stand for escalation and error. Words are just that: words. But in the English language, the nuances of verbal inflection and facial expressions make all the difference in true communication. Read the phrase "What ever possessed you to come to this conclusion?" The text message version might even be "Are you nuts!"  Chances are that you are already feeling a negative emotion as you read these words. Even letters run a 71% chance of being read incorrectly. But let's add voice to it. Imagine you hear a very neutral voice on the telephone asking the question, "What ever possessed you to come to this conclusion?"  Imagine that you hear it as if a counselor were talking to you, coming from a place of inquiry rather than accusation.  Your response would be quite different. For this reason, telephone conversations stand a 47% better chance of being correctly interpreted. So telephone conversations are better but not the best communication vehicle.  The amount of subtle and not-so-subtle meaning carried by the eyes and facial muscles is amazing. When face-to-face communication is used, the conversations are correctly understood 63% of the time. With odds like this, the natural assumption is that leaders and anyone dealing with customers would spend more time in either face-to-face or telephone conversations.  But both research and consumer experience indicates the opposite. Bottom line: talk is not cheap-it's priceless. The competitive edge does not have to be more bells and whistles on a CRM system or another layer of voice mail doom loops.  For once, it's not sophistication that's required but rather a remembering that at the end of the day, people want to work for and buy from people with whom they have a relationship. Here's the most powerful mantra for creating that relationship: "Start talking and get to work!"

Imagine the waste and loss that happens when we don't talk.  Don't just talk to employees... communicate with them! Tasks are repeated because instructions aren’t clear. Morale plummets and rumors abound when a managing partner engages in doublespeak regarding the firm’s future. Administrators constantly battle employee retention because of the poor interpersonal skills of some professionals. Precious time is wasted in meetings that are exercises in egos rather than solutions. Valuable staff leave because they feel devalued and unappreciated. Office tensions result in absenteeism, health claims, and turnover.

In a data-driven world, facts and figures are the order of the day in sales calls, employee meetings, board rooms, and political assemblies. Traditionally, when a person is trying to convince someone else to do something they use the logic of benefits and features — long the sacred domain of anyone in sales. And they are missing the boat. What truly moves us as human beings, what prompts us into action, is emotion. Imagination is the conduit of emotion and well-crafted storytelling carries the imagination. Consider this story: You place your hand on top of your head, only to feel the sun radiate from your scalp. Sweat trickles down your back and the once ironed shirt clings to your sides. The pavement roasts your feet even through your thick-soled shoes. You’ve been walking for a 45 minutes, trying to find the office where you are scheduled to make a sales call. Suddenly, a swoosh of cold air swirls at your side as a young couple comes charging out of an ice cream parlor, licking swirls of raspberry and vanilla perched in a sugar cone… I’ll bet you’re ready for some ice cream! What engaged you was the reliving of a common experience. I didn’t need to itemize the benefits of cooling off or list the features of ice cream and this particular store. You were drawn in by your imagination. Facts tell. Emotion sells. You imagined how you would win over the odds of heat by taking a break for ice cream. We follow leaders who capture us by stories that draw us in and give us purpose for being part of the company. We buy products when we see or read of the human experience with that product. (Remember the Maytag Man?) And we accept the call to action if we hear a compelling story about triumph over odds. Think about the solicitation letters you get from non-profits. They are often stories of individuals who suffered greatly until the non-profit’s “product” allowed them to regain a semblance of their life. In short, crafting compelling, honest stories that resonant core values in action is a skill worth learning by any leader, manager, sales executive, or parent. In his best-selling book Story: Substance, Structure, Style, and the Principles of Screenwriting, Robert McKee, the world's best-known and most respected screenwriting lecturer, argues that stories "fulfill a profound human need to grasp the patterns of living—not merely as an intellectual exercise, but within a very personal, emotional experience." Or as USC leadership guru Dr. Warren Bennis states, “Man cannot live without story any more than he can live without bread.” What’s the point you want to make at your next meeting? Is there a story that can be crafted to that point—not a sermon to be intoned? Who has used your product and reported a wonderful story that came as a result of that product? Or did you even say, “Tell me a story…” What stories are told in the coffee room about what it is like to work where you are? What contribution could you make to this story that could improve the ending?

When firestorms raged across Southern California and land lines were down, having a cell phone to call my family was a blessing.  When I could sit in my ocean front garden and use both hands while talking to my Mother in Florida, I adored my cell phone.  After getting lost in a jumble of streets, a cellular call helped me find my client. It's become my everywhere companion and yet, I am aware that we might just have too much of a good thing. We've all become incensed at the loud boors who turn public places into phone booths where we're bombarded with information we don't want, don't need, and probably shouldn't know.  But now, we're entering a second stage in the cellular age where this amazingly portable device can actually disrupt meaningful face-to-face conversations, the privacy of precious vacation time or the silence of reverie and deep thinking. This tiny (and getting tinier) device has become the metaphor for our 24/7 culture. It has become almost unthinkable to turn it off or plain not answer. In short, the phone controls us rather than visa versa. We live in an age of omni-accessibility according to Fordham communications professor Paul Levinson. Like Pavlov's dog, we jump every time the cell phone rings, waving off friends, family or kids just to answer the call.  We hang this device on our belts, in our pockets, or around our necks, ready to pounce when it rings.  As Levinson states, "the notion of being unreachable is not alien to human life."  That's why there are "Do Not Disturb" signs and offices with doors.  Freedom, he claims, comes in simple rebellion.  To reclaim our private time, according to Levinson, "there must be a general social recognition that we're entitled to it." What would happen if we shut our mouths, put the phone away, and then concentrated on whatever was before us: a place, a project, or-even more importantly-a person?  Think of the connection that is made when someone has our undivided attention! And, miracle upon miracles, what if that person was actually ourselves? What if we had uninterrupted time with ourselves?  Might we discover a chance to slow down and breathe?  Might we discover a small voice that's been trying to be heard above competing ring tones? Try it. Shut up. Put up. I think it will make our next cell phone call more meaningful.

On Thanksgiving Day, dawn spills over Dana Point Harbor where thousands of runners gather for the annual Turkey Trot. The largest holiday race in California beckons folks of all ages, sizes, shapes, and abilities. Waiting at the starting line for the 10-K, I talk to a Dad and his 7 year-old daughter. Around me, I hear bravado talk about marathons, triathlons, hard bodies and zippo fat content. Thankfully, I spy silver haired folks with knee braces, a young couple with babies in jogging strollers and runners decked in costumes ranging from Santa Claus to Elvis Presley. Running in a gold polyester jump suit, and pompadour wig while carrying a boom box blaring Elvis tunes will be some trick.  Me-I just want to finish. The gun goes off and we all inch our way under the balloon arch. Runners jostle for position, elbowing their way to break into stride. Me-I just grin at the new day and feel righteous for having gotten up and down to the event. By mile two, my righteousness turns to dismay as the seven year-old passes me by. Elvis has already made the turn way before me and I am lagging behind a woman who must have 10 years and 20 pounds on me. The sense of competitiveness heats up and so does my pace. I forget that I already run two miles down to the Harbor and have 4.2 miles left to go.  The runners around me set my pace. Suddenly, as I make the turn, I am struck by a humbling sight. Facing me, arms pumping runs a young man with one leg glittering in the sun. The metal shank is attached to his thigh. A thin aluminum calf leads to a metal foot curved like a rocker. He is oblivious to anyone who passes him. He is running his own race at his own pace. I slow down, take his lesson, and resume my 1-2-3-4 mantra. Lesson learned, smack between the eyes. How many times do we let others set the pace, ignoring our own goals, our abilities?  How many times do we judge our success or our failure by what others have done? I finish despite the pain in my knee. Way behind the silver-haired lady. Well behind the 7 year-old.  Ahead of the sleek bodied teenager.  It doesn't matter. It is my race, at my pace. And it is a great day for the race-the human race.

What does the American Heritage Dictionary say about leaders? Leaving behind the standard definition of "one who leads or guides", consider the second definition: "one who has power or influence".  Have you known people in a leadership role who seem unable to influence the people around them? The ability to make connections, to speak clearly and to frame information so everyone hears a "what's it in for me" message are essential for influence.  We are also persuaded by people with conviction and passion. We are influenced by people whom we think we can trust.  Lose or misuse any of this and a leader's power vanishes. A leader is defined as "a conductor or the principal performer in an orchestral section".  Finding ways to bring together the different talents of employees or volunteers so that all play from the same sheet of music and blend their instruments into a harmonious whole is a skill demonstrated by the finest of leaders!  As a principal performer, we look to a leader to have one talent that is heads above the other people in that arena of "play". We don't want a leader who professes to best at everything. But we do want a leader to have one clearly recognizable skill. Leader is also defined as "a duct for conveying warm air from a furnace." Care is a four-letter word heard more and more frequently in business circles. Employees want to know that a leader cares for them. The cold, stern dictator might get some results but never the full-blown commitment, creativity and loyalty of a warm and caring leader. What is your definition of a leader?

The restored barn perched on the hilltop overlooking the Ohio River. Piles of leaves swirled around the base of bare-armed trees. Although almost the end of November, the bright blue sky and crisp air still spoke of Autumn. I noticed what appeared to be a bronze historical marker nailed to the side of the door.  “On this site in 1897, nothing happened." Nothing happened!  What a hoot. Call it a “hysterical marker”.  Sure is in keeping with my college roommate’s sense of humor when she turned the 1941 ramshackle house into a great sprawling home. How refreshing that marker is:  Nothing happened.  Remember those days when it was just that—a day that proceeded in uneventful, unnoticed calm. How is it that our society seems to have far too many folks caught up in trying to make something happen?  We’ve got parents who pretend their child has floated away in a hot-air balloon all for the sake of getting on a TV show. Woefully untalented young adults vie to become an American Idol. Spouses degrade their relationships for the sake of swapping wives.  Thousands follow Britney twitters in a frenzy that seems to say their individual lives can be compensated by following  inane rock star patter. Maybe in all this craziness, we should have a day devoted to making NOTHING happen. Let’s just go about our business. Showing up in the moment, not checking off goal sheets, sales tallies, and how many friends we have on Facebook.  For one day, we will just breath, sleep, eat, do what we can until our mind or body says rest.  We will absolutely be vanilla, bland, unnoticed and forgettable. As counter-intuitive as it might appear, I think a day like this might just turn our head around, take the notoriety-urge down a notch.  I’m thinking of celebrating this weekend with a “make nothing happen” day.  How about you? You might be grateful you did.

STRATEGY # 1: CONDUCT A TALKING STICK MEETING A talking stick meeting allows everyone to hear a wide variety of ideas and inputs because each person who "holds the stick" is assured free speech, no reprisals, no humiliations, and no interruptions.   Many native American tribes used the stick as a way of allowing all voices to be heard. Talking Stick Meeting Checklist: Create a focus question to present to the group, assuring them that all are invited to speak, without interruption or humiliation. Form a real circle with everyone in the circle. This brings equality When everyone who wishes to has spoken, summarize the conversation and what you will do with the information. STRATEGY #2:  SEEK OUT THE "ORANGE BATONS" If you happen to get a window seat on a plane that is coming into the terminal, look out and find the man or woman who is guiding a 737 aircraft (weighing over 90,710 pounds) into position. Those small orange batons wield plenty of authority in the moment.  And well they should. You see, there's a line painted on the tarmac to show exactly where the front wheel of the 737 MUST stop.  Otherwise, passengers at the gate literally would have a pilot in their laps. The problem:  the pilot sits too high to see that line. The pilot depends upon the "orange Batons" -those closest to the situation-to move the craft into position. Everyone has orange batons in the workplace. The higher up an organization a manager sits, the more crucial is the conversation.  As customers, we've all been privy to disgruntled customer service reps who can't help us because senior managers have created practices that tie their hands. Recently, I asked to speak to the support service personnel on a Delta Sky Miles Account. The agent informed me that even THEY can't TALK to support personnel. "We can only use FAX and Courier service," was the response.  I was angry and so was the agent.  "They" had made decisions without asking the Orange Batons what the ramifications might be. STRATEGY #3  PAY ATTENTION TO LITTLE DAVIDS When Patrick Harker, now the former Dean of Wharton School, was asked what made the critical difference in the school's most successful fund-raising campaign ($425 million in six years), he replied that he made it a priority to engage the next generation of alumni leadership. Listening to the voice of David is a tradition from the Middle Ages and the Benedictines. The abbot of a monastery made decisions after getting the input from all the monks, beginning with the youngest monk. Had the elders in the Old Testament listened to the young kid with the slingshot, the giant Goliath would have been dispatched quickly. Little David was right, but it took time for the tribe to understand that young (or new) did not mean "unskilled." Who are the newest and/or youngest on the team-your David's? It is often the newest members who ask the most discerning questions. They are not jaded by politics, the past, or protocol. Ask them for their opinions. Tell them that you expect them to teach you something at the end of three months. I guarantee that those employees will search high and wide to bring you innovation or, at the very least, an insight into some of your procedures, products, or services. "Words of wisdom are spoken by children at least as often as scientists." -James Newman, American Astronaut STRATEGY #4 LAUGHTER LIFTS THE LOAD In tough times, humor is an essential survival skill. Talk can also be funny. Not the sarcastic biting humor of put-downs and inside jokes, but rather the humor that can lighten a difficult situation or put something in perspective. A travel agency was known for helping its agents get through difficult customers by awarding the Order of the SALMON. At the end of the week, agents would know which agent had the most challenging week with customers yet still managed to keep a positive interaction going. With much fanfare, the agent explained the challenge and was urged to exaggerate and use as much humor as possible. She was then awarded a plastic salmon for her ability to SWIM UP STREAM. Being able to talk about the week, laugh at the difficulties, and be rewarded for staying calm helped generate both fun and connection within the office. Laughter can put people at ease if it is used to acknowledge what everyone is thinking. I was asked to speak at a convention in which the main session room temperature hovered around 50 degrees. People were wrapped in tablecloths. By the end of the second day, it still had not warmed up.  When it was my turn to talk, I welcomed them by saying, "Welcome to the land of the frozen chosen." Gales of laughter and applause burst out. It made a point. The attendees were CHOSEN to be there. It was a privilege. Humor also lets us divide the serious from the mundane.  Yes-the room was way too cold. But in the scheme of things, it was not as important as gathering to work out a new marketing strategy.  Humor can also point out the trite and the silly things we all do in work, relieve tension, and probably improve a process.  When one group acted out a very funny skit around the various voice mail doom loops a customer had to go through in order to get to a human being, everyone laughed...and the system changed in short order. BREAK THE SILENCE The last challenge will be pulling people away from their PDAs and text messaging to actually have a conversation. A number of organizations are experimenting with "topless" meetings-as in laptop-less meetings.  San Francisco design firm, Adaptive Path, has also put a crackdown on "crackberries", as President Todd Wilkens calls them in his company-wide blog.  He claims that people now look each other in the eye, develop closer connections and meetings are more productive. Productivity? Performance?   If the talk quotient is increase, you bet.  Talk might very well become the golden key.

Forget "fight or flight" as the only duo of responses in the face of stress. For women, there's a third response: "befriend".  A landmark UCLA study turned five decades of stress research on its head with the revelation that a cascade of brain chemicals gives women a larger behavioral repertoire when confronted with stress. The hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response in women. It controls the fight/flight response and, instead, encourages her to tend children and gather with other women. According to co-researcher Dr. Laura Cousino Klein, now assistant professor of bio-behavioral health at Penn State, the study suggests that this "tending and befriending" response to Oxycontin produces a calming effect. Although it will take new studies to reveal all the ways in which oxytocin encourages women to care for children and band together, it might also explain why women consistently outlive men. I have addressed numerous women's conferences and corporate networks of women and I can attest to the observable behavior that participants leave these sessions feeling stronger, encouraged, and positive. I believe they also leave healthier. The famed Nurses Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends people have, they less likely they are to develop physical ailments and the more likely they are to cope better with challenges. Sadly, today's busy agendas often find women canceling the most positive and healthy thing they can do: gather with other women to engage in the kind of "rapport" and "report" talk that hallmark feminine conversations. The corporate women's networks that generate the most return for the time and money investment allow for the nuts-and-bolts training needed for the business while also creating plenty of opportunity for mentoring, problem-solving and the informal sharing of personal issues. Create a gathering of women and stand back. The energy reborn from conversation, caring, compassion and concern can move a community, a business, and a nation into a higher place.