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At the gym, I saw a television ad for the Land Rover. The driver—a very handsome man—stops the car, gives his dog the whiff of a dropped scarf and the chase begins! The driver follows this gorgeous black dog running through narrow alleys, down cobblestone streets, until the animal stops at the steps of what looks like a huge mansion. Out hops the man. He bounds up the steps as the woman turns. She smiles, accepts the scarf and he’s back in the driver seat. Trying to sell me a Land Rover?I think not. I’d buy the dog!!!!

For 20 years, I’ve gone away on a personal retreat to The Center for Spiritual Renewal in Montecito. The four-hour drive created a vacuum in which I could eventually still my busy mind. The last hour brought sweeping vistas of the Ventura coastline, following by densely wooded streets until I stopped at the base of a mountain and the front door of a magnificent home built in the 1930s. By habit, my first meal would be in a small Italian restaurant and then home to the great house with Italian tiles, intricate teak ceilings, big beds, and a kitchen accessible 24-7. There I would write, meditate, and hike to the ridge line some four miles above the town. You can read the rest of the post at LinkedIn .

For the past three years in December, my twin brother has sent me a pot of amaryllis blubs from Harry and David’s. But this Christmas, the bulbs came looking less than hardy: very dry, small, and pretty pathetic compared to past years. They looked so bad that I took a picture and sent it to John as proof that if they did not bloom, he could get his money back from the retailer. Instead of following the directions, I felt these bulbs needed something different. Instead of water, I placed ice cubes on the soil once or twice a week. I placed the pot in a window that looked to the sea and received pretty steady sunlight… more sunlight than was recommended. I broke the rules. For weeks, nothing changed. I kept up my ice cubes and rotated the pot. Somehow, I had faith that there was unseen growth going on inside my bulbs. Finally, six weeks later, a stalk appeared. And then another.  Almost overnight, sturdy stalks climbed upward and opened into amazing blossoms. Now—almost through the month of February, I have seven flowers AND, the tiniest bulb is just now beginning to sprout not one but two stalks! You have to christen just such a plant. Meet Phyllis Amaryllis. She’s a beauty. My plant, I realized, offers a wonderful metaphor for resilience. Perhaps you have had times, as I have, when you feel small, dried out, and frankly pathetic in comparison to others. Staying the course and believing in yourself can be difficult. But, if we listen to the inner voice of wisdom—refuse to imitate others but follow our own guidance, we can grow. We break the “rules” and we keep the faith. Patience is tested but—as with Phyllis Amaryllis—I know we can all bloom WHEN and WHERE we are planted. It just might take a little longer.

What is blossoming for you right now? A thought to ponder. Remember, resilience is cultivated. Like any plant, it takes time to grow and—sometimes- must be transplanted into a new “situation” to begin again. Just like any plant, you must till the soil, seed, feed, and weed. Where are you in the cultivating process? Where is your soil hard-packed, root-bound—not letting any new idea or behavior surface? What seeds would you like to plant? How will you feed that seed? And, altho always a pain to do— there are times we must weed out emotions such as anger and fear. Forgiveness is a great fertilizer. Who deserves your forgiveness? Better still, even i they don’t “deserve it”, perhaps you do!

Comfort zones are like warm milk, a cozy blanket, and a lullaby. When life appears hard, scary, or challenging, such zones offer safety and familiarity.  But comfort zones also can hold us back from moving into the next stage of life, of learning, of relationships. As I watch myself and my colleagues move into the aging process, I see us holding back and holding on.  Tried and true seems bright and new.  Only it is not. I think my 96 year-old mother was quite right when on her death bed she proclaimed, “Let’s be daring. Let’s have an adventure.” Death—that’s an adventure I doubt any of us are eager to experience.  But today, as I ponder the next decade of my life, I’m captured by the idea that a resiliency practice might very well keep my soul—your soul—from inertia, anxiety, emptiness, a lack of vitality, and the boredom of sameness. Here’s my challenge. There’s an ancient European custom practiced in parts of Spain along the Pyrenees Mountains. Specifically, people are encouraged to do something they have never done before or on the date of their birth and keep it up for a year. That means that for me, on the fifth of every month, I am challenged to do something I have never done before. This is a practice that will require ingenuity, patience, persistence, and discipline. While I haven’t worked up my courage to do a tandem parachute jump—yet—I started in January to do some activity or have some experience that is foreign to me.  Around the fifth of January, I went snowshoeing. Can’t say I had much luck as the snowshoes kept falling off and getting snagged in sticks on the ground BUT—I did it. This month, I signed up and am taking a Pilates reformer class. Yes—I did it on February 5.  By February 6, I could hardly move but I will stick it out for at least all four lessons I got with a Groupon ticket. You get the idea. I’d love to know what “never before” activity or experience might you add on or close to your birth day every month. I’ve got my twin brother John joining me. Keep a log book or journal of the experience. Write me. Tweet me @macdarling.  Getting out of our comfort zone begins to strengthen our resiliency muscle. Here’s to doing something NEW.

This month of February, I have written about building resilient work relationships and resilient marriage/love relationships. But there is one relationship we often take for granted: our bodies. This amazing shell that we carry around with us is comprised of approximately 60% water and some 60,000 miles of veins, capillaries and arteries. While bone size and density vary in gender and age, when all is said and done, a cremated body fills up a good-size zip lock bag! I know. I have handled the funeral for my mother as well as two other seniors. We have a body of paradoxes. Just as resilient relationships require tending, listening, appreciating, and celebrating, so too do our bodies. Here are some practices that I’ve discovered can increase the energy capacity and strength of our physical frame. Read the rest of my post on LinkedIn.

It’s been almost 39 years since Bill and I said, “I do”. Both of us came from failed marriages so no one was taking odds that this would be so long and happily lasting. You might say—through everything—we have a resilient marriage.We have grown through challenges, deaths, illnesses, and kids. Since February seems to be the month of hearts and flowers—not to mention dark chocolate and champagne—Bill and I started talking about what we have learned that could be shared with others seeking to craft a resilient love relationship. Seems crazy but –as the song says—"what does love have to do with it?” Truth be told, you can be in love but still fail at creating a long term, HAPPY marriage.We’ve all had friends who say, “I love him. I just can’t live with him."  While love is the foundation, there are deliberate actions—from our perspective—that can be taken to grow a resilient relationship. 1. Create deliberate celebrations that underscore commitment. We were married on May 18, 1980. It was the day Mt. St Helen’s erupted. And no, we were not responsible. But it sure seared the date of the 18th in our brains.  For almost 39 years, we have celebrated our marriage on the 18th of every month. In the early years, the 18th of the month meant going out to dinner or having a special bottle of wine or doing “something” in the form of celebration.  As always, our 18th was vocalized as “Happy Anniversary”.  Then, as I traveled for my work, the task was to see who could be THE FIRST to say, “Happy Anniversary”. With time zone changes, I often had a 3 hour or so jump on him.  That meant I could call, wake him up, and joyously proclaim “Happy Anniversary.” Thus we started our contest. Today, with age, it’s the first who can remember it’s the 18th of the month. I don’t travel as much as I have done so it could be a nudge to the ribs from either of us and a proclamation of “Happy Anniversary” which normally happens a few minutes after midnight on the 18th. Inevitably, the other one responds, “Oh shucks—you beat me.”   Then we are both back to slumber. Here’s the deal. Just saying those words monthly underscores that—at least for this month —“ I chose you.”   Think of it as taking a vow every month.  Creating a resilient marriage isn’t about huge actions but rather deliberate small steps, repeated over and over again. 2. Courtesy and consideration create respect and gratitude. Bill and I are both products of the Deep South where “yes, sir”, “no ma’am”, “please” and “thank you” are as common as grits and lightning bugs. In thinking about this article, I realized that these acknowledgements are part of our everyday life. Until a friend came to visit and heard us say things like:  “ thanks for taking out the garbage”,“please help me fold this sheet” , “Pass the salt, please, Ma’am” etc. I hadn’t realized these words naturally surface daily. I’m convinced that politeness and consideration go a long way in honoring the dignity of others. It’s often easy to take a partner for granted. Why would we not treat our spouses with the same kindness we offer to strangers? PS: If you don't do this—better tell your partner that you are working on a new habit of courtesy. Otherwise, she’ll wonder what guilt you’re hiding!! 3.  Laugh together—a lot! I look at many long-time married couples and so many seem just unhappy. Their faces wear a perennial pout or frown. Smiles seem artificial or forced. (Think Donald Trump.) As Viktor Borge said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”  Even in the throes of serious events, small chuckles together can ease part of the burden. During the time my mother was dying, she came on and off hospice. One minute she’s dying. The next minute she’s not. She was up and down so many times, I called her “yoyo Ma”. Bill called her, “MaMoo” and when he’d enter her hospital room, he’d make a sound like a cow. We all laughed. “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs,” wrote Henry Ward Beecher, “jolted by every pebble in the road.”   Marriage can have many jolts. But humor can calm the journey. So, here’s to your journey in love. Let’s me know what secrets you have discovered with your partner. After all, love DOES make the world go ‘round.

Feeling compassion may go a long way to improving well-being, reducing stress and achieving better academic results, according to a study recently released by University of Redlands researchers. With over a decade of research, the study was released by Religious Studies Professor Fran Grace, Psychology Professor Celine Ko and Biology Professor Lisa Olson. The study builds upon what Grace has observed and documented in students who have taken her course on contemplative practices.  In an article published in the fall 2018 issue of OchTamale Magazine, she revealed that one student reported that his blood pressure decreased, his outlook on life changed, and his anxiety lessened. The course focused on studies of models like the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa, the inner cultivation of meditation and contemplative practices and applying what was learned in community service.  "At the end of the semester, those who took the course reported higher compassion, self-compassion and mindfulness compared to those who did not take the course. Also, the students had lower salivary alpha-amylase a biological measure of stress." Resiliency is ultimately energy management. Anger, aggression, depression, anxiety are all energy drainers. Consider gifting yourself with at least 10 minutes of meditation a day. Consider using INSIGHT Timer, a free App for the Android and IOS phones. Or consider “The Power of Meaning” by Emily Esfahani Smith.  Put away your smart phones and become smart by connecting with your resilient spirit.

Mayshad Magazine is an advocacy platform for empowerment which mainly focuses on empowering women, raising awareness and exploring a contemporary lifestyle.  Their tagline is "Be Who You Want To Be" and their content is both educating and uplifting.  I was delighted when I was approached for an interview and I'm excited to share it with you. The questions I was asked included “As a motivational speaker, how do you keep yourself daily motivated to transmit your positivity to other individuals? Where does your passion come from?”, “In what ways does the relationship between a speaker and an audience sustain you, and in what ways does it not?”, “If you had to choose one empowering speech you could share with our Mayshad readers right now, what would it be?” and more. You can read the entire interview at https://bit.ly/2UHmHKW.

Cajas National Park is a high-altitude area west of Cuenca, Ecuador. It’s known for trails through evergreen cloud forests and hundreds of lakes. It’s also home to a rich variety of wildlife including Andean condors, giant hummingbirds and raccoon-like coatis—none of which we saw in our last hike before returning to California. In fact, our little band of explorers kept looking outward to the sky or into the forests, moving quickly along a trail. Maybe because I was the shortest of our group, my gaze seemed to fall downward. It was also imperative as I often can move too fast and end up sliding down an embankment or doing a face plant. But in the Cajas, Mother Nature decided to give me a lesson and reward me for looking down.There, hidden among the foliage was the tiniest yellow/red blossom – a Sarazhima flower. Apparently, the bud never opens but just bobs it’s balloon-like head in the winds that cross the Cajas.  Further inspection in a forest revealed a carpet of green-on-green grasses that looked more like starbursts. I called to my buddies to come see what a slow pace and a ground-focused gaze brought. The more I pondered these tiny plants, the more an insight appeared. How often do I (perhaps you) look outward to “the goal”, keeping count of how far I have to go and focusing on the outcome? What do I miss by not slowing down, by not taking stock of what is in my present moment? As we approach the holiday with all its busyness, I want to be conscious of what is at my feet. The upcoming dinner and guests will arrive in due time. But right now, it is only what I see in the present that has true meaning. What do you see right where you stand? What does this moment hold for you? It is the only one we own.

“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." - THE LITTLE PRINCE It isn’t every day that I find myself in rubber boots, following a machete-wielding woman, Carmenita, up a muddy trail, through jungle brush, and into a clearing with butterflies. Gorgeous butterflies. And tropical flowers whose names elude my brain. Twelve of us have come to experience the Machaku Yuku community, an indigenous Quecha people who live near the headquarters of the Amazon in Ecuador. For two days, Bill and I share a house on stilts with Marta, the wife of the head of the village. I suspect we are given this honor because Bill is the oldest in our group. The Machaku Yuku are opening their houses and hearts to allow us to experience how they live, what they eat, and how they cohabitate in an environment that offers everything from poisonous snakes to healing plants. Carmenita shows us the huge ant nests that hang from leaves.  She places a gigantic ant on my arm which later, will be barbecued and we shall eat at their healer’s house. The healer is Carmenita’s father. When I tell him I think I have the start of bronchitis—a chronic condition for me—he mixes a brew of various leaves, hands me the corked bottle, and says to take it twice a day. Heck—if I can eat an ant –and later a grilled worm—I’ll try it.  It stopped my bronchitis! We rise at dawn to sit with community members who gather to share any dreams from the night before. Certain members serve as interpreters of the dreams. The community shares horchata tea before scurrying off to get the children ready for school. The older ones walk 2.5 hours to get to a road for the school bus while the younger ones are taught in a single room. For our last night, we sit in an open-air circular building. We’re requested to NOT sit with each other but to choose members of the village. A tiny girl with gorgeous black eyes, nestles under my arm while another one sits on my lap. The village musicians perform their music and dance for us.  Then, we are asked to join them in dancing which is quite easy to do because it seems there are no prescribed steps. The finale is to get the three couples in our party to stand and to be re-married in Quecha style. It is such a sweet invitation and so incredibly simple. Our three men are each escorted by male villagers as their sponsors. They are given white ponchos to wear and a hat. Three times the men approach us (the wives) and bow. On the third time, we stand, each with a female escort, and join the men.That’s it: married!  Had this been an actual ceremony, we would have been sent out to the jungle to have our first night alone.  (I’ll take my little bed with the mosquito netting, thank you!) Here’s the point. I write so you can see what I saw. But what I felt—the invisible—ahhh, that was the lesson. Without pretense, apology or guile, this community accepted us on equal terms, trusting that our hearts would open just as theirs did. Marta proudly showed us how the bark of a tree could be shredded to make a fine thread that she began to weave into a basket. My little under-the-arm child held my hand and stroked my thumbnail, smiling all the while. And when it was time to leave, sure they offered items that they had made for us to buy.  BUT it was not a condition of engagement.It was just that—a simple offering. Question: How do we bring the stranger into our home? The stranger who does not speak our language? Would we open our bedroom, serve them at our table, take them on excursions that might seem foreign? Would we sing and dance for them? Something to ponder.

Ten years ago, my husband and I joined Dr. Jeff Salz, a cultural anthropologist, to explore the northwest quadrant of the Indian Himalayas.Our venerable guide and instructor was Ankit Sood.Ankit, founder of Sunshine Himalaya Expeditions, is a man whose business is to bring environmental and cultural awareness of the people and the ecology of that region.It was eye-opening, invigorating, and full of serendipity—including finding the Dalai Lama in a remote monastery. In October of this year, we joined Jeff again to explore the cultures and the environment of Ecuador.The journey was crafted not only by Jeff but also through the expert hand of Pedro Armendariz, managing director of Galapagos Center. (Check out what Pedro and his team can do!) From living with the Machaku Yaku community at the headwaters of the Amazon to watching condors soar over the high planes of the Andes, to marveling over the plants and insects found in a jungle environment, to eating two-inch long ants and roasted worms, we walked away more convinced than ever that this planet and its people demand our attention. As if to underscore that conviction, this week, the world Wildlife Fund reported that 60 percent of all wild animals with a backbone that existed between 1970 and 2014 are now extinct!! USA TODAY quoted Marco Lambertini, WWF director general who is using the data as a call to action. Lambertini says this is the first generation that has a clear picture of human's impact on nature and has the ability to reverse the trends. Pollution and climate change are among the primary factors. "We can be the founders of a global movement that changed our relationship with the planet, that saw us secure a future for all life on Earth, including our own," Lambertini said in the report's forward. "Or we can be the generation that had its chance and failed to act; that let Earth slip away." We can’t be that generation! Ecotourism allows one to learn about ecosystems, cultures and traditions in a way that protects the natural environment and allows communities to thrive through tourist-related employment and other means. We walked away more aware of how to practice sustainability at home and increased our sensitivity toward other cultures. Grateful for these experiences, my prayer for all of us is that we do what we can to protect this fragile planet and it’s amazing diversity of humanity.