Years ago, my husband and I ran away at Thanksgiving. The kids were occupied, my mother was content to be in Ft. Lauderdale, and we needed some time to just hike, hug, and hold hands. Our run-away spot was a corner of the Southwest that we had only read about; Sedona, AZ. We discovered magic in the red rocks, the canyons, the vistas, and the legends of the indigenous people who lived in the state.  But it was a short presentation we heard from Donald Nelson of the Masi Fire Clan, Third Mesa, Kykotsmovi Village that really captured our heads and our hearts. The Hopi date their time in Arizona back to more than 2000 year. But their history as a people goes back many more thousands of years. According to their legends, the Hopi migrated north to Arizona from the south, up from what is now South America, Central America and Mexico.Today, Hopi are part of the 21 tribal nations that make up the Inter Tribal Council of Arizona. Nelson told us that Navoti knowledge is gained by hearing, not by sight and experience, but rather the stories that are repeated down the ages. According to Nelson, the Hopi believe there is a proper way to live life through ritual, caring, ceremony, meditation, and caring for children. From his childhood memory, Nelson relayed his grandmother’s wisdom for a happy life… wisdom that holds true for all of us today: Eat Hopi food - mostly vegetables.Run to the fields. Exercise and like the work you do.Don’t worry.Be happy - enjoy every phase of your life.Continually pray to the Creator.Greet each other with the words, "Um Pee-Too". Translated, this mean, “Are you here?" Only the present matters. As we enter this last month of the year and find ourselves running in circles for work and family, I really like that last idea; Um-pee-Too. Are you here?  Am I here?  Do we show up in the present moment, not fretting about what to buy for Uncle Clarence or Cousin Jane or relieving our past offenses from sister Sally and hoping she doesn’t come this year. To show up in the moment means accepting what is given. It means neither agonizing over the future or re-playing the past.  Where are YOU now? Um-pee-too? PS: I hope you enjoy my photos of this breathtaking Sedona land.

I was once an employee who quit and stayed.  As I tell my story, listen to manager behaviors. What would you have done as an employee? Then ask yourself: Could this be the way I behave as a leader? In today’s economy, many employees stay because they need the money. That was my case. I was 16 and needed the money for college. That summer, I got a job at a women’s retail store where my mother and I had frequently shopped. The manager was lovely during the interview, but once I was hired it was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I have never been treated with such disrespect and disdain. I can still hear her voice. She shouted orders and her idea of customer service was to pounce on customers when they entered the store. There was no other job for me at the time, so I stuck it out even though I despised being treated that way. I was so grateful when I finally was able to walk out the door with the thought: “I will never come back here again.” I told my mother and all of my friends not to shop there anymore. Imagine what damage I could have done had it been the age of social networking. Remember that it’s not just customers who share with others if they aren’t treated well—employees also talk about what it’s like to work for us. What would your employees say about you in terms of respect, courtesy, compassion, and clear communication? Creating an environment that supports people can go a long way toward firing people up so they don’t fire themselves—but stay.

It had been a long/short trip: long in the amount of time in a plane from Los Angeles to Tokyo to Manila; short in the amount of time on the ground. I arrived in Manila on Wednesday night and flew home Saturday.  I came back utterly exhausted with chills and fever, wobbling when I walked. And my heart never felt better. Why? The 800 attendees at the first International Coaching Federation of the Philippines were incredibly gracious, appreciative, warm, and so quick to tell me what resonated with them from my closing keynote address. The hugs, the handshakes, the smiles, and the follow-up emails were all I needed to bow my head and feel incredibly grateful. Gratitude is a circle. More begets more.  Gratitude is that energy-boost which beats caffeine. It is the fertilizer for resiliency. It requires no skill, no finances, no degree, and no title.  It only needs intent and a wee bit of time. So simple. So powerful. And far too infrequent. Imagine the employee engagement if managers took the time to express gratitude to employees and visa versa. Toronto Dominion Bank went to great lengths to express gratitude to their customers.  They turned ATMs into automated thank-you machines. Watch this incredible video.  I guarantee you’ll get an energy boost just observing personalized gratitude in action. I am grateful for all of you who take the time to read this post and to let me know what it sparked in you. I am so thankful for friends like Jane, Jesse, Bev, Eunice, Vanna, Cindy, and so many more because I KNOW we have each other’s backs. Bonnie, my incredible operations manager, is the wind beneath my wings when I can’t rise any more. I am beyond grateful for my precious Bill and 35 years of love and laughter with more to come. How could I not be grateful for my amazing sister Susan and brother John as we continue to hold hands through life and walk our respective roads. My three grown children and their spouses plus fabulous GRANDS just own my heart. I am filled with gratitude for the finches at my bird feeder and the flowers in my yard, for the ocean in the distance and books at my right hand. The list is endless.What is on yours? Gratefully, Eileen

Mom’s slide into dementia began when the church thrift shop in Ft. Lauderdale closed. She loved going there to volunteer, to meet people, to add numbers in her head, and to go home at the end of her hours feeling useful. Sadly, my California location prevented me from seeing more closely the connection between Mom’s now-shrunken world and her decline. All the more reason I truly appreciate the Assistance League , the oldest non-profit, non-political, non-sectarian institution in the West. Founded in 1919 by Anne Banning, AL chapters have sprung up around the state. I can attest, first hand, to the vitality and spirit of some grand women who live in my neighborhood. Look what they just accomplished: The Assistance League of Capistrano Valley just completed Operation School Bell, its annual fall event for children from both middle schools and elementary schools in the Capistrano Unified School District. Prior to the event, the counselors at each school send a list of needy children. These students are then invited on their specific night. This year, the AL of Capistrano Valley provided school clothes for 979 students from 27 schools. They partnered with Target in San Clemente and held the event for seven nights. Each evening at least 20 volunteer members either checked in students, helped students select clothes, scanned prices, or helped check out at designated cash registers. Through generous donations from their Thrift Shop in San Clemente and their Christmas Home Tour, this local group spent over $66,250 for clothes for these children. The women I know who belong are older than I am, active, smart, articulate, and fun. A number live alone but their resilient spirits shine. Service is a power tonic for the resiliency of head, heart, hands and soul.

Conservative estimates predict we spend 1/3 of our life working. Yet for many people the work experience is a negative one. Recent research from TellYourBoss.com finds that 65 percent of employees would rather a new boss than receive a pay raise. In a 2012 study by Towers Watson, less than 50 percent believed senior managers were interested in employees’ well-being. These are merely a few examples of a seemingly dystopian feeling about the workplace. It becomes difficult for employees to be resilient in a negative environment. This is bad news for organizations. If employees are unable to recover and learn from mistakes or even stressful situations, an employee’s resiliency suffers. So, too, do business results and employee engagement. With a backdrop of demotivating, unhealthy work environments undermining performance and morale, leaders must act to reverse the ill-effects of today’s workplace. Leaders need to do their part to build employee resiliency. This is key in these dynamic times where businesses face disruption and competition on global scales unlike any other time in history. A resilient workforce will out compete a beleaguered one. It’s an individual choice to build resilient practices. However, a leader can create the context and coach employees to develop the beliefs and associated practices to become more resilient. Purpose and Resiliency There’s a research experiment that tests the length of a person’s eye blink to help measure how purpose in life helps people recover faster from negative emotional stimuli. In this study by Carol Ryff and her colleagues, varying types of pictures were shown to participants. Some were disturbing while others were more pleasing in nature. The longer the eye blink the more disturbing the image. What Ryff and her fellow researchers found was that those with purpose in life had a quicker recovery time after viewing negative picture stimuli. What we’re learning from social scientists, like Carol Ryff, about purpose is its influence on how we learn from and define negative events and move forward in a positive manner. This is where resiliency enters the picture. The key distinction I’m referring to is personal purpose and not organizational purpose. While the latter is important, it has less influence on resiliency than does personal purpose. For purpose to positively influence a person’s resiliency, it needs to be common, strong, and aware, claim researchers Todd Kashdan and Peter McKnight. Purpose that is common is merely more prevalent in an employee’s life. The strength of purpose shapes employees’ thoughts, emotions, and actions. Finally, awareness of purpose is an employee’s ability to articulate her purpose. As a leader, the following is a question pattern to discuss and learn what each employee’s purpose is. A more thorough set of questions can be found in my book, The Optimistic Workplace. Have employees write down their answers to each of the following questions. Have employees write down meaningful or rewarding behaviors in their work and in their life. Ask, “What stands out to you?” Ask, “How do you know if the behaviors are lasting elements of who you are?” Ask, “What obstacles in life positively shaped your way of living?” Ask, “What values of yours do you see in your examples?” When you look at your answers, what are the commonalities? What resonates with you? Can you see hints of your purpose in your answers? Purpose helps strengthen resiliency. Purpose serves as a compass that guides our choices, actions, friendships and relationships, and how we choose to spend our time. A compass is a great metaphor for resiliency, too. It assumes a journey and not being stuck in one place. Resilient employees are eager to explore the limits to their performance and potential. When you create a safe climate for them to fail, recover, and move forward, you only deepen resiliency. This becomes more profound when you couple purpose with resiliency. Employees’ compasses are finely calibrated to where they are and where they want to go. Your role is to provide the guidance and create the context for them to achieve their goals and learn more about their limitless potential. Despite the seemingly dystopian workplace realities, leaders can coach their employees to respond with greater resiliency to the related struggles. Purpose deepens an employee’s ability to find positivity in their work and to recover from situations in life that could undo the good that truly is possible, at work and outside of it. Shawn Murphy is a thought leader, inspirational speaker, and CEO/Founder of Switch & Shift. Switch & Shift is a popular site advancing leaders’ understanding of human-centered leadership and business practices and a consultancy helping organizations transform to be more human.  He has a weekly column at Inc.com.  His debut book, The Optimistic Workplace (AMACOM) is now available.

I am leaving tomorrow to deliver an address at a major college on the East Coast. In my pre-program survey, resiliency questions abound related to organizational change, annual re-orgs, shifting focus, competing demands—and so much more. And the attendees are befuddled, bemused, bewitched, and bewildered. Five tips for leaders who want to create a resilient workforce: Level with everyone. Change happens. Period. All organizations, individual, plants and animals experience change. The question is: how do we reframe it from being painful to possible, A leader reframes that vision.It’s not move to a new building (ye, gads!) The reframe is: Yahoo, we get to throw out whatever cutter we have been hoarding, meet new people, and have a different view from our window. Work through scenarios of what the “new world” will look like and what behaviors will be required of the staff.Perhaps the staff will need to think on their own without the presence of a manager.Perhaps the staff will need to self-organize depending upon the individual project. Perhaps the staff will need to learn new tools and methodologies. Identify the “guard rails”. If there were behavior models that worked in the “old world” that will not work in the new, what are they, How will you models those new behaviors? Let people know how they are doing with the change.Celebrate performance. Celebrate little shifts. Don’t wait for the 180-degree change.Be the change YOU wish to see.Not my quote: Gandhi’s. You model the behavior that you want to see in the new world. Accept that not everyone can’t make the change. Mary Jane has been with the company for 25 years. But today, her performance is slipping. The technology and speed are too overwhelming. Understand. Provide training, guidance, encouragement. And, at some point, keeping low performers in a changing world hurts everyone.Allow people to leave with their dignity intact and valuing what contributions brought them to this place in time. Everyone will thank you.

The day always comes. The one you don't want. When your great team member leaves for 'greener' pastures. In my case it was to one of the Big 4 multinational accounting and advisory firms. I can't compete with that. It's great experience. I did my stint at one myself. So, Tuesday was the last day with Leya the Intern. Endings always make me sad. When Leya first came on board I wasn't sure if it was going to work out or not. We both took a risk. From my PhD research, I knew the first day would be critical. The welcome you give makes a surprising difference to their success. So I put aside the whole first day for Leya. Explained her role, answered all her questions, went through how things are done around here and got her started on some meaningful work. I also asked Leya what she was interested in. What she hoped to gain from the internship and then did what I could do craft her role with that in mind. She told me she wanted to learn to be a great coach. So I arranged for her to sit in on some coaching sessions and directed her to some great books on the topic. She later told me how grateful she was that I took the time to welcome her. Here are my tips for getting the onboarding process just right. Put aside plenty of time, even an entire day nothing says welcome like someone dropping everything to show you the ropes. If you put in the time upfront, to answer questions and get them settled, you'll save yourself many hours and headaches down the track. Do your homework. There's no point in putting an entire day aside to answer questions you don't have answers to yourself. Prepare and be clear about what you expect. Anticipate the questions they might ask. When parts of the role remain unclear to you, instead of giving a vague answer, tell it like it is. "Listen John, to be frank with you, this part of the role isn't clearly defined yet. It's something we'll need to tackle together." Give them hope for the future. Find out what they want and show them the way to get it. Sometimes, you'll need to stick your neck. Like I did for Leya with a couple of my coaching clients. You may be thinking: "What? Stick my neck out for someone I've never met before?" You bet. It's what makes all the difference. Having faith in them before they've earned it. If you start the relationship on this note, it sets you up for success. Think of onboarding as welcoming a guest into your home. Your time and care will pay off in spades. It's the end of an era. And I will miss Leya. With more than 25 years experience working with senior and middle managers in business, Executive Coach and Organizational Psychologist Dr Michelle Pizer is an expert in the management of people at work. Click here to visit her website and learn more about her.

Networking is something that's often undervalued and overlooked. Networks tend to grow organically through education or through work. Opportunities for developing networks within the workplace are generally limited, with people typically only connecting with those they directly work with. Naturally the strength of the relationship correlates with how close people work together. The problem with this, is that it limits career development while also perpetuates a stale mentality or group think within teams. Without looking beyond your team, do you think you can really know what's going on and where you need to go? Broadening your network means broadening your vision and greater resiliency. Most organizations are aware of the benefits of networking and run dedicated events. Some organizations get a little more creative. One notable example is how Steve Jobs strategically placed meeting rooms, the cafeteria and even bathrooms in the centre of the building. The goal of this was to generate interactions between people as they passed each other in the workplace. Steve Jobs highly valued the face to face interaction and firmly believed this generated innovation. This creates great opportunities for individuals to promote themselves a little more than typical. As people progress in their careers, their network begin to grow and communication within these relationships are not necessarily about specific work but broader business conversations. But what comes first, the network or career development? Under the organic network growth model, it's clearly the career development that drives a broader network which then reciprocates back into further career development as it opens opportunities. Knowing that, wouldn't it be better to proactively grow your own network? What does Networking do for your career resiliency? A quick search on the internet shows a myriad of studies, blogs and other business publications that discuss how networking correlates with career advancement. A key argument is that individuals can share ideas and knowledge. Two things result from this, the recognition for putting yourself out there and also gaining a broader perspective of your environment. Both of which lead straight into resiliency. By getting together with different people to discuss work, individuals can gain a lot of insights and different perspectives on the work that they're doing. This friction is what sparks innovation. It can be quite easy for individuals to get lost in their own work and failing to see the bigger picture. Networking means individuals can validate their ideas or get feedback for further refinement. Individuals can begin to tailor their work for the internal customer and align better with the broader business direction. Building your personal brand are another valuable step for resiliency. A common school of thought is that "who you know" matters more than "what you know", but "who knows you" trumps both. Being active and voicing an opinion ensures you can actually deliver value rather than simply develop it. A lot of individuals will point out how they already share work and ideas through various communication channels. With the pace of technology it can feel like there's almost one channel available for every piece of work. However the most important and richest medium of communication will always be face to face interaction. There is simply no substitution for this. When people sit down together and talk, individuals can be sure someone is listening and thinking about what is actually being said. It also allows for high quality discussion. The trend in communication platforms contributes to cognitive overload and eventually form a graveyard of thoughts and ideas. Active face to face communication always wins. What does Networking do for a company? The modern corporate is based on a hierarchy. While there are a lot of efficiencies with this type of structure, there are some limitations. Poor corporate cultures will mean communication rarely permeates between these silos. While a lot of communication and broader directives come from the top, most of this is lost through the several layers of middle management. A more interconnected and social corporate culture allows a freer flow and exchange of knowledge. This is the type of culture that fosters real innovation. Organizational Learning is another key benefit for improved internal networking. Despite the prominence of knowledge management systems, most knowledge and especially complex knowledge resides within individuals. Documenting complex knowledge can be time consuming and in some situations virtually impossible. When someone has a problem, it's far easier to tap someone on the shoulder for help. As new connections are made, the flow of information speeds up and more complex ideas begin to better understood by more and more people. The organization become even more self-aware. What do you need to do? If you're looking to build up the resiliency of your career, having a great network is a critical component. Proactive networking can be challenging particularly early on, but practice is certainly valuable. A lot of individuals will find that it's often very difficult and time consuming. Although there are a number of great channels out there to build networks such as Meetups, they can be incredibly intimidating. Making that first approach feels awkward for most. Having a great network means you get a better idea of what's going on, a better personal brand and also numerous contacts to tap into in times of help or simply when you're looking to pursue opportunities. It's not a big commitment but you can be sure you're on your way to a more resilient career.

His surgery went much longer than anyone expected so I ended up sort of sleeping in the hospital waiting room much of the night. My friend was unexpectedly grouchy as he went in and out of a nap once he was returned to his hospital room. But, his irritability paled in comparison to the night nurse who stormed into his room and slammed his chart down on the bed stand. “Is he going to be wanting breakfast?” she barked at me with a sound that was both cynical and too loud. When I indicated I was not sure but that I would ask him when he stirred awake again. She continued her diatribe. “Well, he’d better hurry it up. I am done with my shift in fifteen minutes and he might not be so lucky with the day nurse who will be coming on.” Visions of ogres and trolls danced in my head as I shuttered to think what monster disguised as a day nurse might be following Nurse Ratchet. The bad boy in me came out of hiding as I asked her if she had endured a particularly rough night. With a look that could have frightened Superman, she said:  “Honey, they’re all rough. I see people at their worst, the docs here are all cranky, the staff is terrible, and I have to work all night long.” With that, she thundered out of my friend’s room. As the sun was starting to come up, I left the hospital wondering what miracle it would take to transform into a nice person, a nurse who was obviously only interested in getting on the other side of the time clock. I stopped at an all-night diner for my breakfast on my way home from the hospital. I had called my wife from the hospital parking lot and suggested we rendezvous at the diner. We walked in the front door and were welcomed by four people, each doing their specific job. There was no need for a greeter—everyone had proudly won that role. An upbeat waitress got our drink order as we studied the colorful menu. When my wife indicated to me she did not see the precise entree she was hoping for—a BLT on whole wheat with a yolk-less fried egg on top—the waitress at the next table remarked, “Mam, we can create whatever you can imagine!” After we placed our “let’s break all the rules” breakfast order, two different waitresses checked to make sure all was well. It was as if we were the responsibility of every employee in the restaurant. Finishing our great breakfast I stepped to the cash register to pay and instantly heard, “I got it!” as a waitress completely unrelated to our table took time to ring up our order.  As we made our way to the front door to leave, I asked one of the employees if she had just started work.“Oh, no sir,” she responded with a smile, “We have all been here all night. In fact Susie over there (Ms. BLT) has been here about 12 hours.” Recalling my cross nurse encounter an hour earlier, I asked: “How are you all so upbeat? Aren’t you tired?” She smiled, “Of course we are. But, we all love our customers so much we decided it was not fair to them for us to ‘do tired.’  I will ‘do tired’ when I get home, but not here. It would spoil this happy place and you wouldn’t want to come back again.” Notice the juxtaposition -  Nurse Ratchet had zero patience and zero energy. The diner staff still found the energy to serve. According to my colleague Eileen McDargh, author of a great new book, Your Resiliency GPS, energy is the capacity to do work and is a critical element for resiliency. McDargh believes that resiliency is a life skill—a learned way of GROWING through work and life by focusing on adaptability, intelligent optimism, agility, laughability, and alignment. Nurse Ratchet had none of these skills, focusing only on her miserable lot in life. Our waiters choice a different response, one that was far more empowering for everyone. Innovative service takes resilience. It means showing the courage to be imaginative when the easy route would be delivering ho-hum routine service.It means using your creativity and extra effort to thrill a customer when the safe route would be simply to satisfy the customer. Service resilience is about the demonstration of unexpected zeal and over-the-top optimism despite the fact that your physical body is sending signals to slow down, lay down or hunker down. Resilience is the lemonade stance in a lemon situation. How do you explain the difference between the nurse and the waitress? It might be solid supervision, a noble purpose, a wholesome home environment, or a good day on the stock market. But, it is more likely a determined, purpose-driven attitude that is chosen, much like you choose to introduce yourself to a stranger. Resilience comes from the heart of a person determined to be the source of joy, excellence and worth. Service with resilience arises from a commitment to serve and dedication to make a difference in the life of another.  McDargh would call that alignment: finding meaningful moments that matched their values. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” The nurse in the hospital was angry because someone was not making her happy. The staff in the diner was finding their happiness by making a difference in the welfare of everyone who crossed their threshold. Chip Bell has helped many Fortune 100 companies dramatically enhance their bottom lines and marketplace reputation through innovative customer-centric strategies that address the needs of today’s picky, fickle, and vocal customers. Dr. Bell reveals the best practices from the organizations leading the customer loyalty charge, giving audiences powerful cutting-edge ideas and unique strategies they can put into practice the minute they leave his keynote. Always customer-centered, Bell customizes his presentations to meet unique organizational needs through a detailed background study and phone interviews to better understand specific audience challenges. Please visit his website to learn more.

This past week, I was the closing keynoter for the Council of Multiple Listing Services.  The course for a dense, information-packed conference was set by the opening keynoter, Michael A Rogers, former futurist-in-residence for NY Times, columnist for MSNBC, and head of Newsweek.com. Technology and innovation are advancing at hyper-speed. Today, there are more users on Facebook than people in China! By 2020, a three-year old will talk more to a tablet than to his Mommy. Eyeglasses will have an embedded chip that send signals to your ear, telling you things like the name of the person approaching you. For Boomers who have trouble with memory recall, you’ll now have facial recognition. Privacy is dead.  Data will be more than big—and cheap. In 2000, a terabyte of data storage cost $80,000. By 2020, that same amount will be $4. What does this all mean? Human interaction will become priceless and precious as a rare commodity. The trick will be to tap into the virtual world and bring it into the real world. Our brains will need to become more astute at deciphering truth from fiction and meaningful information from random garbage.  (Actually, considering all the political posturing and slanted campaigns, we need that skill right now.) Possibilities for new ventures will require collaboration and cooperation. Competitors can become colleagues. Adaptability and agility? You bet—all prime resiliency skills. PS. Technology gathers refined information to make better decisions. Example: the new Airbus 380 has hundreds of sensors to measure fuel usage. If they can save 1% of jet fuel, the airlines can save $2 billion. (Maybe then we won’t be nickled and dimed for luggage?)

The genteel voice over the phone asked, "Will you volunteer to speak at Los Padrinos?" "Is this a society group and a special fund-raiser?" I asked. A funny chuckle burst across the phone line. "Well, it IS a special type of society and you might say it’s a ‘fun’ raiser for the girls who are students." Since it was local, I was in town, and she was the employee of good client, I agreed to meet her at the school. "School". Nothing was further from the truth... The heavy metal door slammed behind us. The dirt and patchy grass campus had seen better days. Oh, what had I gotten myself into? Why had I ever agreed to spend two hours in this place? Los Padrinos turned out to be LA County's answer to juvenile prison: a combination school-dorm and time-before-doing-Big-Time facility. "We have to hurry and get to the class, Eileen. We're going to the high risk side." "High risk?" I gulped hard. "What's that?" "Girls from ages 12 through 17 who are here on convictions for murder, rape, gang assaults, prostitution, drug sales... you name it they've done it. Some will go from here when they are 18 to the state prison. Others will be sent back home. But remember, they are still just kids." "But what am I going to tell them? I deal with corporate types." "You talk about communication and difficult people and conflict. These kids could use that. You'll know what to say when the time comes. Above all, it's just important that you cared enough to meet them." My heart sank even further. Cynthia had more faith in me than I did. By what right did I come here? From my background to my education to my home life, I had nothing in common with these kids. Or did I? In single file, hands behind their backs, they trooped into the classroom and flopped down on chairs too small for many of them. At first, all I saw were baggy orange pants, gray oversized sweatshirts, and eyes registering everything from curiosity to sullen boredom. There was tiny Nan* with eyes like a fawn, splinter-thin arms, and a tattoo on her neck. Marie kept jumping up: street-smart, sassy, funny. Monica told us about suicide. And 13 more whose faces I still see at night and whose names I whisper in a silent prayer as I mentally circle that schoolroom. For what happened in the next two hours was the biggest learning and grace in my adult life. "I want to know your names. Go around the table and tell me." The litany of names circled and I repeated each until I matched face and name. Eyes brightened. Heads nodded. I discovered no guest to that room had ever wanted to know their names. "Tell me the things that people do on the outside that get to you. Tell me what you do in response. Tell me how you feel." My learning and theirs began. Somehow we connected. And the asphalt persona dropped and in its place were children and teenagers... afraid, hurt, angry, bewildered, and alone. Their words spoke volumes of abuse, incest, abandonment and a despair that there was nothing they could do to change it. They didn't want to be like their parents.... fathers in Folsom, mothers on the street. They didn't want their brothers and sisters to be like them - nor their children. And I heard more: "Do you know what it's like where I live? And your daughter has a chance for a job! Where do I go? If there are no jobs and everything is so expensive, what else is left but to steal, or run drugs? I hate it. I feel bad. I don't like me." "I want to go to college, but I can't read. And I have to go with a guy with money and do what he says. Do you know how much Pampers cost? We'll do anything not to take welfare." "Everyone says I'm bad. Maybe that's why my mother threw me in the trash can as a baby." And on they talked. Some cried. I listened. Two hours vanished and almost in mid-sentence they trooped out, many reaching for hugs as they left. I felt depleted... drained... and helpless. I turned to Cynthia in despair. "What happened? Whatever did we start? I feel terrible!" "Oh, Eileen," cried Cynthia, tears also running down her cheeks. "Don’t you see? For the first time since I’ve been coming here, they felt that someone really wanted to listen to them instead of lecture. They felt permission to be vulnerable and real. It all starts with sincere listening." I take no credit for that day at Los Padrinos. I think it was the lesson that I, as a professional speaker, most needed to learn. But my sense is that I’m not alone. How many times do any of us really listen to our office mate, our spouse, our neighbor, our vexing teenager? No, I haven’t been back. Cynthia has gone on to other projects and I’m on the road much more. But I haven’t forgotten her words. The girls at Los Padrinos are a broader-life, more dramatic version of our greatest need: to feel that someone cares enough to really listen... that someone cares enough to take a-never-to-be-regained-again minute from life and be truly present for us. It is a precious present. *Name changed to protect identity.

With Congressional approval at an all time low, candidates could learn how Pope Francis has achieved a 60% approval rating according to a recent survey by the Public Religion Research Institute. Considering that many Americans have no religious affiliation, it’s worth exploring just how this has happened. To stay in the race and be resilient, presidential hopefuls can learn from him. Remember, there is much Pope Francis has in common with members of Congress. He was elected. He has taken over a very dysfunctional institution with layers of management, powerful underlings, and members who actively oppose his agenda. Like Congress, the Vatican is a billion dollar organization marked by arrogance and corruption. While Congress doesn’t share the criminal abuse of children and adults, it has refused to handle the white collar crimes of financial institutions who pay literally billions to settle criminal charges of malfeasance. First: Refuse to flaunt how much money you have and forgo the trappings of the 1%. The Pope’s lack of flamboyance has allowed a large population to feel a connection with him. In fact, if you want to really understand how the middle class and below feel, try renting an apartment in Los Angeles on minimum wage. Second: Stop making sweeping generalizations that condemn entire blocks of people. Instead, seek first to understand rather than be understood. Bubble-wrapped politicians who have been protected from the realities of life have little hope of gaining support from a majority. Third: Shut up and listen. And when it is time to speak, remember that simplicity is far more compelling than bombastic pronouncements and calling people stupid. Oh yes—don’t claim that God is on your side. As Francis said, “Who am I to judge?”.