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Want to make a meeting planner crazy and ensure that your name will be next to a notation that says “never again”? Over the past few weeks, I have seen some speaker antics that just blow my mind and, fortunately, convince me that those who are professionals will always have a place at the table. Operate on your time frame and not the client’s. Insist that you cannot come down for rehearsal or microphone check before noon. It is just too hard for you to get out of bed. Ignore the deadline for getting in any slide decks or introductions. Carry your PowerPoint on a flash drive and arrive less than an hour before your appearance, assuming that it can just be uploaded and ready to go. Ignore the context for the meeting and the nature of the people in the audience. Besides, it is your story and the audience will just have to find their own linkage between your adventure in the Arctic and the world of real estate. If you are the closing speaker, do not listen to any of the previous speakers and make absolutely no attempt to tie in what the audience has already heard before your speech. And above all, make sure you speak without vocal inflection or body movement, so that the audience becomes comatose at the day’s end. Remember, take as much time as you need and ignore the time limit. The speakers after you will just have to make adjustments. Regardless of where you are in the program, remember to TELL and not show the audience. It’s up to them to use their imaginations. And make sure your slides are confusing, unable to be read, and require an MIT grad to figure out the chart you used. ------  Now that we've identified what makes for speaker horror stories, stay tuned for a subsequent post about what turns a speaker  into a solid meeting planner partner.  I'd like to think it's one of the things I strive to with my clients.

Here's an interesting confluence: Valentine's Day was Sunday.  Monday was President's Day. This fascinating juxtaposition offers the secret to how great leaders sustain performance, keep talent, and thrive in the face of challenge: love. George Washington could never have kept starving troops in freezing Valley Forge if the men didn't care for him, the cause, and visa versa. Abraham Lincoln, probably the most admired of all U.S. presidents, based his entire career on the love of freedom and equality. His second inaugural address holds love as its essence: "With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation's wounds; to care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow and his orphan - to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace, among ourselves, and with all nations." – Lincoln's Second Inaugural Address, March 4, 1865 Had he lived, this vision of an internal peace would have brought many war-weary people to his side. A resilient leader loves in this manner: The work and the purpose for the work The people and their best communal interest The possibility to join hands and move forward together. How ironic that today, too many politicians seek to divide, throwing out words that are mean, vicious, cruel, and not intended to bind up wounds but rather create new ones and open old. Sustainability as a leader, as a nation, does need love. I wonder where it has gone. *Image by Alexander Gardner - http://www.britannica.com/bps/media-view/112498/1/0/0 , Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17639208

Think “phoney” is spelled wrong? Think again. For relationships to be resilient and stand the test of time, your phone could get in the way. Specifically—your smart phone! Here’s a scenario we have all seen and probably participated in. A couple is sitting in a restaurant. Instead of talking to each other, they are engaged with their cell phone. They might as well have been sitting across from a potted plant! Relationships worth keeping require focus, attention and nurturing. According to Tom Rath, author of Are You Fully Charged? , a 2014 study titled ‘The iPhone Effect’ shows how the mere presence of a smartphone can ruin a conversation. In an experiment with 200 participants, researchers found that simply placing a mobile communication device on the table or having participants hold it in their hand was a detriment to their conversations. Any time the phone was visible, the quality of the conversation was rated as less fulfilling when compared with conversations that took place in the absence of mobile devices. People reported having higher levels of empathetic concern when phones were not visible. Bottom line, don’t be the dumb user of a smart phone. Put it away and out of sight in meetings, with colleagues, and loved ones. Honor your intention to pay close attention to the person in front of you. Besides, you can’t high-five, hug, or cuddle with a cell phone.

The Productivity Pro, Laura Stack, starts the year off with her latest book, Doing the Right Things Right. When a leader’s attention is focused on “the wrong things”, energy is dissipated and exhaustion can result. Enjoy this guest post by my colleague, Laura. The Big Five Health Factors from Doing the Right Things Right by Laura Stack Good health doesn't automatically produce productivity, but it prepares you for it. You can't do your best work when you feel bad. You've noticed how sluggishly your brain works after a poor night's sleep or a missed meal, how distracting a growly stomach can be, and how low self-esteem can create nagging anxiety. Now compare all that to workdays when you felt in tip-top condition, bursting with energy and good health. I'll bet you performed extremely well on those days. You can't control all the factors contributing to good health, but you can control most of them. I find these five most important to me: 1. Sleep. The typical adult requires seven to nine hours of restful sleep per night. Among other things, sleep helps you fend off infection and illness, because your body does most of its cellular repairs while sleeping. Sleep also forces you to stay in one spot while your muscles rest and recover. It lets your mind clear the slate and process what you've learned or experienced during the day. REM sleep helps you absorb new motor skills and gives your body the time to manufacture DHEA, a steroid that keeps the wakefulness steroid, cortisol, in check. Good sleep may even help you maintain a desired weight. Sleep deprivation produces a natural appetite stimulant called ghrelin, while depressing the production of leptin, an appetite suppressant. So the less you sleep, the hungrier you'll be. 2. Eat Well. Maintaining a good diet is all about ensuring you get the nutrients needed to keep your personal productivity machine working without adding weight that will drain your energy. Don't just count calories; balance protein, fats, and carbs, and get all the vitamins and minerals you need. How you eat is as important as what you eat. While you don't have to limit your diet to lettuce and carrots at every meal, exercise portion control to control your weight, especially as you age and your metabolism slows. 3. Hydrate. The human body consists mostly of water, so be sure to drink liquids throughout the day. But take care. Coffee, tea, and soda contain caffeine—a diuretic that pulls water out of your system. To avoid calories, steer clear of sugary drinks as well. Keep a bottle of water on hand and take an occasional swallow throughout the day to make sure you're getting the water you need. Drink at least a quart daily. 4. Exercise. Ironically, the more active you are, the more energy you have. That's because exercise helps you keep your weight down and gets your blood pumping. Set an exercise routine you can stick to, whether it involves ten laps in the pool each morning, a brisk walk twice a day, or visiting the gym three times a week. Otherwise, sneak in subversive exercise: walk upstairs to the next floor to go to the restroom, do squats or leg lunges while talking on your hands-free phone, walk on your treadmill while you watch TV, park at the far end of the parking lot, and so on. 5. Maintain Your Mental Health. Though some researchers argue you're more likely to succeed if your self-esteem isn't too high (thereby forcing you to constantly prove yourself), life is easier when you're happy. Add pleasant things to your environment: an ego wall, pictures of family and pets, optimistic sayings, funny cartoons, plants, whatever it takes to keep your spirits high. 6. It's All Connected. The Big Five are inextricably interrelated: sleep impacts weight as well as mental health, as do exercise and good diet; too much weight from poor diet and lack of exercise can contrib¬ute to self-esteem issues; happiness can convince you to take better care of yourself... you get the picture. Strive to get each of these factors under control, and your productivity will scale upward. Laura Stack, MBA, CSP, CPAE, aka The Productivity Pro®, gives speeches and seminars on sales and leadership productivity. For over 25 years, she’s worked with Fortune 1000 clients to reduce inefficiencies, execute more quickly, improve output, and increase profitability. Laura is the author of seven books, including Doing the Right Things Right: How the Effective Executive Spends Time. See http://www.3TLeadership.com.

Are we in danger of losing our way…of losing our ability to be resilient, thoughtful people? I am concerned.  Watching the Golden Globes, I thought my television was broken as the sound kept going in and out. Then I realized that the airwaves were being filled with profanity that thankfully I did not have to hear. Of course, Ricky Gervais set the stage by telling the audience, “Shut up, you disgusting, pill-popping, sexual deviant scum.” That’s supposed to be funny?  I don’t think so. Maybe the Golden Globes program was just following behavior we see elsewhere. Since when did political campaigning devolve into name-calling, racist generalizations, and foul language and not so subtle sexual innuendos coupled with telling people to “get lost”, “shut up”, and other things that I would never put in print? These adults—on screen, stage, and public office, are putting forth models for the children of our nation!  How can we fight bullying in schools when such low class, non-conversation is promulgated by adults? Long ago, when my office was next to the school bus stop, 5th graders would come in to see me before the bus came. They knew I was a writer and they asked me to teach them bad words so they could respond to kids who were shouting such things at them. “Hey guys,” I told them. “Four letter words are the sign of limited intelligence. What if I teach you big words, words that actually mean something and you will have the upper hand?” "Hey, Eileen," they responded eagerly. "That would be cool." And so I taught them phrases like: Bellicose behavior is symptomatic of a weak ego.In a battle of wits, I never argue with an unarmed kid - (a play on the wisdom of Dorothy Parker).Your four letter words indicate a lack of elocution and comprehension, not to mention a disdain for superior dialogue.Seems to me that belittling buffoonery bespeaks badly on your intelligence - an absence thereof. The kids practiced the phrases and then, in subsequent days, would rush in before the bus came, thrilled that they had stumped the bullying kids and asking to learn more BIG words. Those 5th graders got it. I am not suggesting that multi-syllable words are a solution. But I do want to highlight a degradation of language and thoughtful conversation. I live in the world of words: spoken and written. When we no longer can have conversations without vulgarity, when we applaud statements that have no substance except sound bites, when we accept bullying behavior from adults and can only shout slogans back and forth, I fear for the sustainability and resiliency of the nation I love.

I was cleaning out my files cabinets over the holidays and came across a 91-page document from Caring Bridge. It was an account of an amazing teenager who was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at age 13 and died just short of her 15th birthday. Let’s call her Kelsey for sake of privacy. As I re-read the account written by Kelsey (when she wasn’t too ill) or filled in by her mother, I was captured by how each difficult day became a way to find grace and goodness. Indeed, Kelsey, age 13 - going on 50 in wisdom - would write about the joys of seeing a sandpiper and the fun of helping someone else. Whether giving away her lunch to someone else, or expressing continuous gratitude for the smallest gesture to ease her pain, Kelsey wrote about gratitude. She literally wrote that instead of asking ‘Why me?” she started to ask “What for?” She believed her cancer was there for a reason and she looked to understand what it was for.With clarity in the midst of all this scary and painful stuff, Kelsey came to realize it was so she could help others. One of her Caring Bridge entries was about seeing a disabled boy in a wheel chair and how she realized how lucky that she could at least communicate. “I stopped complaining about not being able to walk and I thanked God for everything I can do. I decided I wanted to go to a place for Make-A-Wish where I can support underprivileged kids and give clothes and things they may need. It is exciting to me because I can make a difference as a kid.” I never had the opportunity to meet Kelsey or her amazing family, but my sister did and she shared this story with me: "I got to know Kelsey during this time and I was so moved by her courage and the strong spirituality that grew in her. She came to understand by the impactful connections she made with so many strangers around the world through Caring Bridge, that she was given this disease to be able to pray for others and help inspire and comfort them. The last time I visited her at City of Hope, Kelsey told me that she now understood her purpose on this earth. She took out her Hello Kitty notebook and showed me the prayers she wrote and said daily for so many people. Kelsey asked me whom I would like her to pray for. I felt so humbled in the face of her deep, strong faith. I told her about our 92 year-old mom and the very difficult struggles she was having. She took out her pencil and wrote a prayer for my mom in her notebook and read it to me. "I will pray for your mom’s strength and healing every day." Kelsey died just before her 15th birthday. She had planned her Quinceañera party but when she realized she wasn’t going to make it, she asked her parents to do it anyway and make it a joyful celebration for her and all the family and friends. People around the world celebrated her short yet powerful life. As we begin our work and life journeys in this New Year, I believe that resiliency comes when we seek meaning rather than madness. Resilient people discover that few people show up for a pity party. By reframing the suffering of her life, Kelsey touched more people, made more friends, and created a legacy.

I’m so disgusted and at times filled with despair for our world as the news screams of hatred, intolerance, violence, wars, and vicious public rants by would-be-“leaders”. How wonderful to pick up my phone at 7:15am on Monday and begin my week in conversation with a model of optimism and belief. Meet Arthur Bloom, one of the Top Ten CNN Heroes of 2014 and founder of MusiCorps, an amazing program that puts musical instruments in the hands of wounded soldiers at Walter Reed Hospital in Maryland. A Julliard-trained musician, graduate from Yale, and contemporary composer, Arthur told me that the concept of “adaptive music” began when he visited a solder who had lost a leg and worried that he’d never be able to play the drums again.“We’ll just have to figure out a way for you to do that,” replied Arthur. That statement cascaded into what is now a rehabilitative program that adapts instruments to vets who are missing limbs or have damaged hands. Under Bloom’s guidance, musicians volunteer as mentors, instruments are customized, and music becomes the discipline for bringing life and achievement to these men and women.They write, compose, study and practice—hours at a time. “When they play, it’s not about being wounded. It’s about the music. Trauma plus time has created incredible musicians.” The more I spoke to Arthur, the more I realized that he saw not brokenness but possibility. He didn’t hunker down and hide. He saw a need and continues to fill it…and he is very adamant that MusiCorps is not about him—it’s about the resilient efforts of the musicians. Watch this video as a MusiCorps play with YoYo Ma. You’ll strengthen your belief that good is in the world!

Years ago, my husband and I ran away at Thanksgiving. The kids were occupied, my mother was content to be in Ft. Lauderdale, and we needed some time to just hike, hug, and hold hands. Our run-away spot was a corner of the Southwest that we had only read about; Sedona, AZ. We discovered magic in the red rocks, the canyons, the vistas, and the legends of the indigenous people who lived in the state.  But it was a short presentation we heard from Donald Nelson of the Masi Fire Clan, Third Mesa, Kykotsmovi Village that really captured our heads and our hearts. The Hopi date their time in Arizona back to more than 2000 year. But their history as a people goes back many more thousands of years. According to their legends, the Hopi migrated north to Arizona from the south, up from what is now South America, Central America and Mexico.Today, Hopi are part of the 21 tribal nations that make up the Inter Tribal Council of Arizona. Nelson told us that Navoti knowledge is gained by hearing, not by sight and experience, but rather the stories that are repeated down the ages. According to Nelson, the Hopi believe there is a proper way to live life through ritual, caring, ceremony, meditation, and caring for children. From his childhood memory, Nelson relayed his grandmother’s wisdom for a happy life… wisdom that holds true for all of us today: Eat Hopi food - mostly vegetables.Run to the fields. Exercise and like the work you do.Don’t worry.Be happy - enjoy every phase of your life.Continually pray to the Creator.Greet each other with the words, "Um Pee-Too". Translated, this mean, “Are you here?" Only the present matters. As we enter this last month of the year and find ourselves running in circles for work and family, I really like that last idea; Um-pee-Too. Are you here?  Am I here?  Do we show up in the present moment, not fretting about what to buy for Uncle Clarence or Cousin Jane or relieving our past offenses from sister Sally and hoping she doesn’t come this year. To show up in the moment means accepting what is given. It means neither agonizing over the future or re-playing the past.  Where are YOU now? Um-pee-too? PS: I hope you enjoy my photos of this breathtaking Sedona land.

I was once an employee who quit and stayed.  As I tell my story, listen to manager behaviors. What would you have done as an employee? Then ask yourself: Could this be the way I behave as a leader? In today’s economy, many employees stay because they need the money. That was my case. I was 16 and needed the money for college. That summer, I got a job at a women’s retail store where my mother and I had frequently shopped. The manager was lovely during the interview, but once I was hired it was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I have never been treated with such disrespect and disdain. I can still hear her voice. She shouted orders and her idea of customer service was to pounce on customers when they entered the store. There was no other job for me at the time, so I stuck it out even though I despised being treated that way. I was so grateful when I finally was able to walk out the door with the thought: “I will never come back here again.” I told my mother and all of my friends not to shop there anymore. Imagine what damage I could have done had it been the age of social networking. Remember that it’s not just customers who share with others if they aren’t treated well—employees also talk about what it’s like to work for us. What would your employees say about you in terms of respect, courtesy, compassion, and clear communication? Creating an environment that supports people can go a long way toward firing people up so they don’t fire themselves—but stay.

It had been a long/short trip: long in the amount of time in a plane from Los Angeles to Tokyo to Manila; short in the amount of time on the ground. I arrived in Manila on Wednesday night and flew home Saturday.  I came back utterly exhausted with chills and fever, wobbling when I walked. And my heart never felt better. Why? The 800 attendees at the first International Coaching Federation of the Philippines were incredibly gracious, appreciative, warm, and so quick to tell me what resonated with them from my closing keynote address. The hugs, the handshakes, the smiles, and the follow-up emails were all I needed to bow my head and feel incredibly grateful. Gratitude is a circle. More begets more.  Gratitude is that energy-boost which beats caffeine. It is the fertilizer for resiliency. It requires no skill, no finances, no degree, and no title.  It only needs intent and a wee bit of time. So simple. So powerful. And far too infrequent. Imagine the employee engagement if managers took the time to express gratitude to employees and visa versa. Toronto Dominion Bank went to great lengths to express gratitude to their customers.  They turned ATMs into automated thank-you machines. Watch this incredible video.  I guarantee you’ll get an energy boost just observing personalized gratitude in action. I am grateful for all of you who take the time to read this post and to let me know what it sparked in you. I am so thankful for friends like Jane, Jesse, Bev, Eunice, Vanna, Cindy, and so many more because I KNOW we have each other’s backs. Bonnie, my incredible operations manager, is the wind beneath my wings when I can’t rise any more. I am beyond grateful for my precious Bill and 35 years of love and laughter with more to come. How could I not be grateful for my amazing sister Susan and brother John as we continue to hold hands through life and walk our respective roads. My three grown children and their spouses plus fabulous GRANDS just own my heart. I am filled with gratitude for the finches at my bird feeder and the flowers in my yard, for the ocean in the distance and books at my right hand. The list is endless.What is on yours? Gratefully, Eileen

Mom’s slide into dementia began when the church thrift shop in Ft. Lauderdale closed. She loved going there to volunteer, to meet people, to add numbers in her head, and to go home at the end of her hours feeling useful. Sadly, my California location prevented me from seeing more closely the connection between Mom’s now-shrunken world and her decline. All the more reason I truly appreciate the Assistance League , the oldest non-profit, non-political, non-sectarian institution in the West. Founded in 1919 by Anne Banning, AL chapters have sprung up around the state. I can attest, first hand, to the vitality and spirit of some grand women who live in my neighborhood. Look what they just accomplished: The Assistance League of Capistrano Valley just completed Operation School Bell, its annual fall event for children from both middle schools and elementary schools in the Capistrano Unified School District. Prior to the event, the counselors at each school send a list of needy children. These students are then invited on their specific night. This year, the AL of Capistrano Valley provided school clothes for 979 students from 27 schools. They partnered with Target in San Clemente and held the event for seven nights. Each evening at least 20 volunteer members either checked in students, helped students select clothes, scanned prices, or helped check out at designated cash registers. Through generous donations from their Thrift Shop in San Clemente and their Christmas Home Tour, this local group spent over $66,250 for clothes for these children. The women I know who belong are older than I am, active, smart, articulate, and fun. A number live alone but their resilient spirits shine. Service is a power tonic for the resiliency of head, heart, hands and soul.

Conservative estimates predict we spend 1/3 of our life working. Yet for many people the work experience is a negative one. Recent research from TellYourBoss.com finds that 65 percent of employees would rather a new boss than receive a pay raise. In a 2012 study by Towers Watson, less than 50 percent believed senior managers were interested in employees’ well-being. These are merely a few examples of a seemingly dystopian feeling about the workplace. It becomes difficult for employees to be resilient in a negative environment. This is bad news for organizations. If employees are unable to recover and learn from mistakes or even stressful situations, an employee’s resiliency suffers. So, too, do business results and employee engagement. With a backdrop of demotivating, unhealthy work environments undermining performance and morale, leaders must act to reverse the ill-effects of today’s workplace. Leaders need to do their part to build employee resiliency. This is key in these dynamic times where businesses face disruption and competition on global scales unlike any other time in history. A resilient workforce will out compete a beleaguered one. It’s an individual choice to build resilient practices. However, a leader can create the context and coach employees to develop the beliefs and associated practices to become more resilient. Purpose and Resiliency There’s a research experiment that tests the length of a person’s eye blink to help measure how purpose in life helps people recover faster from negative emotional stimuli. In this study by Carol Ryff and her colleagues, varying types of pictures were shown to participants. Some were disturbing while others were more pleasing in nature. The longer the eye blink the more disturbing the image. What Ryff and her fellow researchers found was that those with purpose in life had a quicker recovery time after viewing negative picture stimuli. What we’re learning from social scientists, like Carol Ryff, about purpose is its influence on how we learn from and define negative events and move forward in a positive manner. This is where resiliency enters the picture. The key distinction I’m referring to is personal purpose and not organizational purpose. While the latter is important, it has less influence on resiliency than does personal purpose. For purpose to positively influence a person’s resiliency, it needs to be common, strong, and aware, claim researchers Todd Kashdan and Peter McKnight. Purpose that is common is merely more prevalent in an employee’s life. The strength of purpose shapes employees’ thoughts, emotions, and actions. Finally, awareness of purpose is an employee’s ability to articulate her purpose. As a leader, the following is a question pattern to discuss and learn what each employee’s purpose is. A more thorough set of questions can be found in my book, The Optimistic Workplace. Have employees write down their answers to each of the following questions. Have employees write down meaningful or rewarding behaviors in their work and in their life. Ask, “What stands out to you?” Ask, “How do you know if the behaviors are lasting elements of who you are?” Ask, “What obstacles in life positively shaped your way of living?” Ask, “What values of yours do you see in your examples?” When you look at your answers, what are the commonalities? What resonates with you? Can you see hints of your purpose in your answers? Purpose helps strengthen resiliency. Purpose serves as a compass that guides our choices, actions, friendships and relationships, and how we choose to spend our time. A compass is a great metaphor for resiliency, too. It assumes a journey and not being stuck in one place. Resilient employees are eager to explore the limits to their performance and potential. When you create a safe climate for them to fail, recover, and move forward, you only deepen resiliency. This becomes more profound when you couple purpose with resiliency. Employees’ compasses are finely calibrated to where they are and where they want to go. Your role is to provide the guidance and create the context for them to achieve their goals and learn more about their limitless potential. Despite the seemingly dystopian workplace realities, leaders can coach their employees to respond with greater resiliency to the related struggles. Purpose deepens an employee’s ability to find positivity in their work and to recover from situations in life that could undo the good that truly is possible, at work and outside of it. Shawn Murphy is a thought leader, inspirational speaker, and CEO/Founder of Switch & Shift. Switch & Shift is a popular site advancing leaders’ understanding of human-centered leadership and business practices and a consultancy helping organizations transform to be more human.  He has a weekly column at Inc.com.  His debut book, The Optimistic Workplace (AMACOM) is now available.