Search this site

Meet Sandi DeLaCruz, audiologist. A brilliant young woman, Sandi can take apart a hearing aid and figure out what works and what doesn’t work. Her tiny fingers turn out the chip in a hearing aid (shown here—next to a pinky finger) while at the same time explaining, “There is more memory power in this equivalent of a sim card than was in Apollo 13!” Replaced and voila: sound! In my family, significant hearing loss runs through the males. As far as I can remember (back to a great grandfather), all the men needed hearing aids. As much as he resisted, my twin brother finally agreed to wear them—much to the happiness of his family who shouted and his students who didn’t. That’s the rub. I am a twin. For some reason—known only to the DNA strands, I am the first female to have a hearing loss. While not as severe as my brother’s, I nevertheless need assistance when I am in large groups, in a car, or trying to hear questions and comments from my audiences. Consonants are muffled and the mumbled utterances of the Downton Abbey kitchen crew are beyond my understanding. Yahoo for closed captions. Small things. Hearing aids. Closed captions. And yet—when deprived of what words are really spoken—one enters a world of confusion and misunderstanding. I think it’s all rather a miracle. Which leads me to conjecture: might everyone in Congress need hearing aids and closed captions? Perhaps then they could truly listen to each other. Perhaps they could hear constituents who are not the very rich but the average person on the street? Not that WOULD be a miracle!

Consider these glum facts: Only one in eight workers worldwide are engaged at work, but according to Gallup's new 142-country study on the State of the Global Workplace , engagement varies considerably according to the region and country in which these workers live and their economic and social conditions. So let’s just look at the U.S and Canada. Gallup reports that only 29% of workers are engaged, leaving 54% not engaged and 18% actively disengaged. To be engaged is to be plugged in, positive, purposeful, and high performing. These are all characteristics of a resilient, sustainable organizational culture. Consider the first characteristic: plugged in. Engaged people feel connected to the work they do and whom they do it for. They become connected to each other through authentic communication, face-to-face or at least ear-to-ear conversation, and an opportunity to know each other beyond a resume.  People feel heard, understood, and valued. Easy to say and harder to do in our global 24/7 world. But it is possible. First: By design and not by default, mark out time to TALK (not email or text) the people on your team. Be aware that many might be suspicious because so few people do this. Second: Ask how you can best support each other? Third: If possible, create a time and space for physical interaction.  One of the best leaders I know commits time and considerable money to bring his senior team together for breaking bread, laughing, and joining in targeted discussions that I facilitate. Highly engaged? You bet! Fourth: Look at work/life integration issues. No one leaves their “other life” at home when they drive in the parking lot. And one size of a “policy” does not fit all. People might be grappling with different family issues and to the degree, you can evidence concern, understanding, and reasonable accommodation goes a long way in creating that human connection and their resiliency. Fifth: Laugh. Laughter is the shortest distance between people. Resilient, sustainable organizations know that when people smile on the job, laugh, have fun—they are more productive and more creative. Push the pickle-pusses in the closet. And if you are one… think again. Lastly, these are soft skills and therefore hard to do. It’s why I wrote my small but idea-heavy book, Talk Ain’t Cheap. It’s Priceless—Connecting in a disconnected world . So, start talking and get to work!

Last evening, my twin brother, Professor John McDargh, sent me a message. He is on the faculty of Boston College and is also a lay minister at Norfolk Men’s Prison. Every month, as they have done for many years now, Sister Kathleen Deneven OSF and John spent the evening with a remarkable group of Catholic men, who are the core of elders of the community within Norfolk State prison. Many of them are life-professed lay Dominicans. In their reflection they spoke of how the penal system in the Commonwealth renders inmates invisible so that they become the objects of the fearful projections of persons outside the wall. Yet these men care for the poor and hungry outside the prison in ways that few know. On Sunday, May 3, the men at Norfolk State Prison will join in Boston’s annual WALK FOR HUNGER by walking up to 20 miles within the prison confines (that means walking over 140 times the inside perimeter of "the Yard"). This is the 26th year that the men at MCI Norfolk will participate in this worthwhile event. Besides helping those who suffer from hunger, it gives the men an opportunity to reach out to those who are less fortunate than themselves. Because it is difficult for the men to find sponsors, we are reaching out to the outside community for support. All sponsor donations will be sent to PROJECT BREAD in Boston to help feed those who are hungry and suffer from malnutrition. If you are willing to sponsor the men for this year’s WALK FOR HUNGER at Norfolk State prison, please make your checks payable to: PROJECT BREAD Send to: Bethany House Ministries 1049 Main Street Millis, MA. 02054 Once Bethany House receives all the donations, they will send them directly to Project Bread. If you could forward this email to your friends and communities my brother and I would be grateful. We know that there are those who read this post and are unable to sponsor with a donation to Project Bread. However we ask you to please pray for our walkers at Norfolk State Prison and for all those who suffer from hunger and malnutrition throughout the world. For more information you can go to Bethany House Ministries at http://www.bethanyhouseministry.com or call 508-376-9923. Resiliency is more than bouncing back. It is growing through life. The men in Norfolk Prison whom John reaches are growing through and reaching out. I hope you will understand my request.

What do you get if you blend speakers like executive coach Marshall Goldsmith with employee engagement/career guru Beverly Kaye? Throw in a mix of graffiti artist/keynoter Eric Wahl and Vivienne Harr, an 11 year-old activist named among the "50 Most Influential Philanthropists in America." Color the conference with the diversity courage demonstrated by Deb Dagit and her fierce determination for inclusion of all people. Add the courage of educator Eric Gruwell who brought autobiographical writing to inner city teens. Stir these speakers along with 16 other amazing leaders including President Bill Clinton and you have an idea of LEAD an extraordinary Ted-type conference created through the unstoppable determination of Debbie McGrath, CEO of HR.COM. With the vision of offering both live and simulcast programs, this recently completed forum took on a life of its own-connecting people across time zones and throughout organizational structures. McGrath already has plans for 2016 so that momentum can continue to build for reaching leadership concepts to all people, regardless of title or rank. Because it is rare to have an up-close-conversational speech with a president of the United States, may I share 3 take-aways: The biggest thing a leader must do is to answer the question "why". Without explanation, followers are left to wonder. If bad news is to be delivered, the leader must do it. Bipartisanship is needed because no single group has all the answers. But rigidity can stifle a right outcome.

How to Think Like Leonardo DiVinci by Michael J. Gelb.  At a time when innovation rises as the golden apple for the future, studying DiVinci offers a master's lesson in discovery, invention, creativity, global thinking and humanity. A master-thinker himself, Gelb breaks up DiVinci's mental activities into discreet functions. This is a book that can be picked up over and over again. I myself could spend a lifetime on learning how to ask the curious, deeper questions. Journaling, drawing, conversation and experimentation are all part of a course of action that Gelb carefully outlines. Skim it for the antipasto and come back for the next course. I guarantee you won't go away hungry.

My voice caught and the tears came to my eyes as I told the interviewer, “I don’t know what I would do without my brother and sister. We joined hands and helped each other get through the last six years of Mom’s life.” The interview was today. It prompted this post because April 10 is National Sibling Day, a day initiated by Claudia A. Evart after the tragic deaths of her brother and sister. Twenty-two state governors have issued proclamations for this celebration and President Bill Clinton endorsed it. My twin John, and baby sister Susan have been joined at my hip since the get-go. Oh sure, there were the childhood arguments but actually quite infrequent. Last week I told an audience that my first venture into leadership came at the age of 8 when I jumped on a playground bully’s back and started pummeling him so he’d leave my brother alone. We have always had each other’s backs.What about you? I hear too many stories of siblings who refuse to speak to each other. Tragic and unnecessary. The past is… passed. If you fall in this category, remember that holding on to anger is like drinking poison, hoping the rat will die. What might you do this week, even a small gesture, to seek reconciliation? And if you don’t have a BLOOD sibling, brothers and sisters can abound in your circle of friends. I even call some of my special friends my “soul sisters” and we too, have each others’ backs.Celebrate those special relationships this week. A support network is essential for resiliency, too. Remember, as the songwriter said, "One is the loneliest number you ever knew."  Now go hug all those siblings—both chosen and birthed! I love you John and Susan!

Mom was probably 88 when my sister and I decided to take her on a trip she always wanted to experience: Ireland. Susan had driven the countryside before but this would be pure adventure for Mum and me. In fact, we titled our vacation: The Queen Mum and the Two Princesses Go Green. We trusted our luck, our love for each other, and—ok— a wee bit of little people thrown in for good measure. For two weeks, we drove wherever the wind pushed us. We had reservations for the first night only at a lovely B&B somewhere south of Shannon and before crossing over the mountain into the Dingle peninsula. After that, it was point the car and go. Mom would giggle with each bump in the road, exclaim over the “sheepies” in each field, and routinely say as we entered each village, "There must be an ordinance that they paint their houses.” To be sure, each village was crisp in color and cleanliness. But after the 100th or so village, we finally stopped to get petrol and asked the attendant about an ordinance. "Nope. No ordinance.” “See, Mom. No ordinance.” Didn’t register. By village 101 and Mom’s exclamation, “There must be an ordinance,” we both shouted: “There is no ordinance!!”. Sigh. We gave up. Killarney, Kenmare and Bantry. Waterford, Wexford and Kilkenny. Dublin (but a night) and back west to Westport where we ventured into the Burren, Galway, and backroads with standing stones, church ruins and more sheepies. The music pub was our great delight—sitting in a tiny smoke-filled room with fiddle, pipe and drum playing for hours while Mum nursed her 7-Up, Susan her Jameson and me my Guinness. We left reeking of tobacco which we abhor but also clutching precious memories of a village given to song and dance. No matter where we ventured—whether the castle of the pirate Queen, Grace O’Malley and her ship The White Seahorse, or the Iron Age ruins in the Ceide Fields of County Mayo, hospitality, kindness and generosity abounded. And with a name like Eileen, I found myself on beauty shops, billboards, want ads, and newspaper columns. Thanks for letting me ramble. Memories are God’s way of giving us roses in winter. May this day find you creating memories with luck love, and perhaps the leprechauns.

"It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." - Frederick Douglass Douglass would know about strength at an early age. He was born a slave on a plantation in 1818. He went on to become an African-American social reformer, orator, writer, and statesman. After escaping from slavery, he became a leader of the abolitionist movement. Life was tough. Parents were absent. Learning came through experience and self-education. And for a former slave, this happened through grit and determination. Fast forward to today. Just yesterday, my sister wrote a letter of recommendation for her five year-old neighbor to be considered for kindergarten. Another parent in the neighborhood has made sure that after-school tutors are available and success in everything from spelling to soccer is assured. Danger. Denying children the opportunity to grow through mistakes, learn from failure, and work through trial and error (not to mention the emotions that follow each), is to create a child unprepared for the REAL world. Tip #1: Celebrate effort not just WINS Whether in a sporting competition, a spelling bee, or a college acceptance, not everyone will place “first”. Use the event as a teachable moment. Applaud taking the chance, and making the effort. Discuss – from the child or young adult’s perspective - what are the take-away lessons. Tip #2: Develop independence versus learned helplessness Mary’s daughter, Suzie, was asked to bring cookies to her Brownie meeting. Mary said she would tell her Suzie how to make them but that Suzie needed to do it. Were the cookies perfect? No, but Suzie was thrilled. Simple example but it can be extended to helping children and young adults speak up for themselves and learn responsibility in the bargain. Tip #3: Help children move out of their comfort zone Life is full of surprises. Change is the new normal. Resilient children are capable of trying new things and not afraid to take risks (within reason, of course). Last summer, we took our newly-minted 13 year-old grandson, Keaton, whitewater rafting. We had thought it would be the three of us and a guide in a raft. Not so. The only craft available was for each of us to be in individual kayaks, going down five Class 3 rapids (Class 6-"you die," said the guide). Swell. Keaton was jumping up and down with excitement. I was excited AND terrified. But as we put on life jackets, helmets, and followed the guide’s instructions, I realized that this adventure was a rite of passage for Keaton. If I had said we weren’t going to do it, I would have closed the door on a chance to test his mettle. As it was, he sailed through all of them while I became white water grist in two of the rapids. As long as we had taken all safety precautions, Keaton pushed his limits. In fact, your children can sometimes help us move out of our own comfort zones. That happened when the two of us jumped off a 20-foot cliff into the Trinity River. It became a rite of passage for me! To learn more about growing resilient children and young adults, read Joanie Connell’s newest book, Flying without a Helicopter . Developing resilient kids can be a hard lesson for both parents & kids. But it doesn’t have to be .

Sometimes, a fresh start is not obvious until it has passed—until the reflective memory becomes potent with meaning. Such was the gift Mother gave to me in January 2012. At age of almost 96 and on hospice, mom moved up and down like a roller coaster. We called her YoYoMa, one of our ways of staying sane when our hearts were so heavy. That yoyo behavior prompted my sister and I to agree that I could go on my annual New Year’s retreat at a center about three hours away. That morning she would not open her eyes or acknowledge I was there. But in the afternoon, when I returned to see her before heading out of town, her little blue eyes were bright and she said, “I’m hungry. Let’s go eat. I’ll buy!” “Wow, Mom. OK, what would you like?” “Food. To get out of here.” “Ok Mom. I am on it.” I asked our care manager to get the print menu from the assisted living dining room. Mom was totally paralyzed on her left side and unless I had a van with a wheel chair lift, Mom was going nowhere. The benefit of Alzheimer’s was that she couldn’t remember any of this. “So, Mom, while we are waiting for a menu, let me tell you about where I am going.” She snuggled down, closed her eyes and listened as I described The Center for Spiritual Renewal in Santa Barbara and the old house where I would retreat for a few days. She then blurted out, “OK. I’ll go with you. Let’s be daring. Let’s have an adventure. ” I blinked hard to keep tears from spilling down my face. Indeed, this is the legacy that Mom always intended to leave us: to have an adventure, to be daring. It’s what called her to med school when there were only three other women. It’s what called her to hop in a plane and fly with the Women’s Air Force Service Pilots during WWII. It’s the same daring that could turn the howling wind of a hurricane into an adventure as we gathered in the center of the house, far away from the picture windows and told stories by candlelight. It’s the same daring that helped her pick up the remnants of her life and re-enter the job market in her mid 50s. And it’s the same spirit that propelled us to drive her across Ireland, taking back roads and having no destination other than where the wind blew. “Do you know where the restaurant is?” she asked. “I do, Mom. I am on it. Let’s get some clothes on you and get you into your chair. We’ll head out to the Bistro.” When we went through the locked doors, it didn’t register to Mom that we had not left the building but rather gone over to an alcove with three tables and a little bar-type setting. “Great,” said Mom, “We’re at the bar.” She looked around and marveled that there were no people in the “restaurant.” She didn’t hesitate or question the two teaspoons she ate of Bill’s soup or the tiny bite of peanut butter and strawberry jelly on a sliver of toast. “Mom, thanks for taking me to lunch. Shall we split some ice cream for dessert? Susan will be along shortly and join us.” Our wonderful care manager had made vanilla ice cream appear as if by magic and Mom ate a few spoons with relish. My sister Susan was coming to take my place so I could leave. I had called and given her a heads up that we were “dining out.” Susan appeared as if on cue, and I reached down to hug Mom.“Do you have my wallet?” asked Mom. “Indeed, I do, Mom. I am on it. I will pay the hostess when I go out. Thanks again for lunch, Mom. It was great!” I left Mom happily looking at Susan and offering ice cream with her one good hand. It was great. It was grand. For her, getting out of bed and eating was daring—even if she didn’t know it. Two days later, I raced back. With my twin brother John and my sister Susan, we kept vigil–holding, praying and letting go. The pain of loss and grief held me tight for months until one night, I dreamed of our last full conversation. Mom had indeed given me the green light, waved the flag for my departure, demanding a fresh start. “Let’s be daring. Let’s have an adventure.” “Got it Mom. I’m on it.”

I live on the shoreline of a large lake! And, while the likelihood of tornadoes where I live is not as high as Kansas or Oklahoma, we do get our share of wicked twisters. Early one Sunday morning I was awakened but the sound of the proverbial freight train. Looking out the bedroom window I watched a tornado running along the shoreline on the opposite side of the lake destroying everything in its path. Fortunately, my house was not in its path. Then, the power went out. After a day without power, I was glad I had bought a gasoline-powered generator three years earlier. After my purchase, I had uncrated the generator, filled it with gasoline, and parked in the garage under its customized cover. Now, it was time to fire it in action. As night fell with still no power, my generator was uncovered for duty. The generator was still bright and shiny like the day it was purchased! But, it failed to crank. Fortunately, the power came back on before everything in the refrigerator was in jeopardy. A few days later I was in the local Ace Hardware and mentioned to an employee that I could not get my never used generator to start. He gave me a two-word solution…"bad gas!" At first I thought it was a crude joke! However, I learned I was supposed to change the gas in the generator every few months or it would gum up the carburetor and spark plugs. It is vital for generators, just like employees, that their resiliency be maintained. Too often service providers leave "bad gas in new generators." They focus on ways to make their service functionally efficient, but forget it is the pleasant emotional experience that customers remember. They implement CRM but forget the middle letter stands for "relationship." They put in high tech self-service delivery process without any access to a high touch person should the system fail to work. But, worse they take away the freedom to be innovative (good gas) from the frontline leaving them tasked with obediently (and mindlessly) following procedures (bad gas). Remember when the gate attendant or hotel front desk clerk made the call on the upgrades? Now, the computer gets to do it...based on points in a frequent flyer or frequent stays program. What was formerly a delight has become a customer assumption and therefore no longer value-added. In fact, customers are disappointed when they are not upgraded. Have you ever heard a customer compliment your amazing computer or awesome procedures? It is people who make magic for customers. And, just like sprinkles turn an okay cupcake into a special one, unexpected surprise can turn a satisfied customer into a storytelling fan. But, what keeps frontline employees from turning into the human equivalent of an inoperative generator is resiliency. Especially in roles that can be repetitive and boring or customer encounters that can be emotional and problematic, employees need to stick-to-itiveness to bloom and shine when they want to fume and whine. Resiliency emerges when self-esteem is sponsored, authority is trusted, and capacities are expanded. The second greatest gift a person can give another is the gift of growth. "I am not a teacher," wrote Robert Frost, "I am an awakener." Just as good gas awakens a generator, growth enhances the resilience of employees by awakening their spirit, ingenuity and joy. Let's bring back unexpected and enchanting customer surprise by providing employees with the authority, growth, capacity and encouragement to deliver innovative service! Customers love service with sprinkles. So, add sprinkles to your leadership practices and fire up your generators of customer surprise. Chip R. Bell is a renowned keynote speaker and the author of several best-selling books. His newest book is the just-released Sprinkles: Creating Awesome Experiences Through Innovative Service. Chip can be reached at www.chipbell.com .

I live in Southern California. Earthquake territory. When I encountered my first trembler, I don’t know which moved faster—the floor or my racing heart. On a scale of 1-10 given a Richter Scale, my stress level was 45. Yes, terrified!! That was 35 years ago. It took me about 5 years to read what I could do and to come up with strategies that could at least mitigate damage. I was devoted. Had emergency rations in the garbage can in the garage. I had the medicines and first aid and lots of flashlights. I had a box in the car with extra clothing, hard-soled shoes, food, and water. And under the bed, more hard-sole shoes (glass could be everywhere.) Back then, the other advice was to stand under a door frame when an earthquake hit. Fast forward 30 years. There have been no quakes in my area. I realized I had become complacent and careless. The shoes under the bed had disappeared. Not all the heavy furniture was bolted to the wall. And while there was no picture hanging over our bed, there were plenty of pictures and mirrors hung with single nails. Not good! How foolish. This weekend, I decided I needed to read my own book and put PREsilience™ into action. Imagine my horror at finding out the garage was the WORST place to store emergency supplies. And in dumping out the trash can of supplies, batteries had corroded in flashlights, canned beans had exploded and medicines had expired more than 10 years ago!! New information also said that the place to go was under heavy furniture and NOT a door frame. Bottled water should not be left on concrete floor. And where was mine?? On concrete, of course! May I share with you the START of my PREsilience—preemptive resilience. Still waiting for the freeze dried food to come but I now have most everything. I will keep you posted as I practice what I preach. PS: My wonderful TrueValue Hardware helper made shopping for these supplies SOOOO easy, I didn’t have to walk through acres of floor space. He knew where everything was, advised me and I was in and out in under 15 minutes!!! I love you TrueValue!

What do these people have in common: Margaret Thatcher, Jimmy Stewart, Cyrus Vance, Ronald Reagan, Charles Bronson, and author Irish Murdoch? Oh yes. They were/are famous but there's an insidious fact they also share: Alzheimer's. As brilliant, talented, well-connected, and financially secure these people were, the ravages of this heart-breaking, no-cure and no-stopping disease took everyone prisoner. Everyone including all their loved ones. This week, the movie Still Alice, opens nationwide. It's the story of a linguist who is diagnosed with early-onset dementia. I read the book a few years ago as we cared for my mother who had dementia. It ripped my heart out. My dad died of Lewy Bodies-another severe form of dementia-the same diagnosis as Robin Williams. Alzheimer's is the most expensive disease in America, swallowing life savings, draining family resources and personal energy, and robbing the individual of his or her personhood, dignity, and ability to handle what caregivers call ADL "activities of daily living". Furthermore, with an aging population, this disease will skyrocket. It already costs some $214 billion annually in the United States. The Alzheimer's Association estimates that some 5.2 million Americans had the disease in 2014 and nearly two-thirds are women. But here's the kicker: In receiving funding for research, Alzheimer's falls far behind other diseases. It is as if Alzheimer's is a dirty word, not to be spoken above a whisper. And yet we must talk about it. Because it is so slow for the disease to manifest, we want to ignore it. But I can guarantee you--without a doubt, everyone who reads this post will have someone in their immediate family who will suffer this horrific disease from which NO ONE recovers. We need research dollars. We need help for families who can be burdened for YEARS with caring for someone with dementia. It takes a toll on everyone. Please become educated. Please don't hide. Urge action. Contact the Alzheimer's Association or the Lewy Bodies Association. Do it now-while YOU are still YOU. PS. A portion of the profits from my new book Your Resiliency GPS is being given to the Alzeheimer's Association.