When I laced up my running shoes and headed down to Dana Point Harbor on Thanksgiving morning, I did experience a twinge of regret. No Thanksgiving at my house. A broken hot water pipe under the floor of my kitchen and dining room had turned my gorgeous wood floor into splinters. Restoration crews had already yanked out my cabinets and an environmental team was scheduled to show up the next day to break into walls and determine mold damage. AAARGH! But as the sun rose over the mountains and broke into the cloudy morning, I thought about my assistant, Francesca, and having her first Thanksgiving without her younger sister who died in her sleep just weeks earlier. I remembered that I was running in this race with 10,000+ people to raise money for FEED America. I remembered 2 years ago when I ran in pouring cold rain and thought I would never complete the course. I remembered that I had just paid all my bills and whispered a word of gratitude that there was still some money left in the bank. But it was the runners themselves who surrounded me and just made me laugh. One runner wore a complete turkey outfit. Her companion wore an apron and a big chef's hat and carried a turkey baster so she could constantly spurt water at her friend, “the Turkey”. I saw many felt turkey carcasses on the tops of people's heads. There were people dressed like elves and Santas, reindeer and rap stars. It seemed to me that there were more costumes this year than ever before. I think an economic crisis has all of us looking for something that can make us laugh. Laughter is indeed one of the hallmarks of resiliency. Here are just some of the pictures: a father and his 2 daughters running as the Indians from the 1st Thanksgiving. The next 3 men came as mustard, ketchup, and a hot dog. I can't believe they actually ran in costume the entire time. And of course, I'm not quite sure what this man had on his mind with his get-up. I think it was called "throw it all together". Strangers waved to each other and shouted happy Thanksgiving. Bystanders hollered “Run, Turkey, run!” Babies waved their arms from jogging strollers. And as I crossed the finish line, an active-duty Marine put a medal around my neck and I was able to shake his hand and say, “thanks for your service.” Wow! What a day.

Time to throw down the towel and admit there are some events in life over which I have no clue and stand helpless. Perhaps you have had them, too. This is the time when you frantically search your data base or your brain and say, “Now, who can help me?” Here is what happened: Brother Bill has announced to my husband that he’s VEGAN. AND… he’s coming for dinner. “Are you nuts,” I holler. “He’s a football jock. A draft for the Steelers. He’s into construction and real estate and…” I quickly dash off an email to sister-in-law Rita. “Yep,” his wife Rita writes me. I can HEAR the sigh in the email. She’s Italian: the pasta, sausage, cheese, fish. Glorious entrees and even more glorious desserts. “You might try grass and hay,” she suggests, Right. Grass? In Southern California, you can smoke it. Not me. And in our case, we like the rebate from the water department so our lawn is all artificial. Wonder if he’d ever notice plastic over petunias? I feel like the folks in the commercial: on the floor, helpless and WHO will get me up??? Jessica Dempster is the answer!  She and Neil are vegans, live in Scottsdale, an 8-hour drive away and instantly close by email. We’ve eaten at their house and could have sworn the shish kabobs were lamb and not vegetable. Her cheese spread would put the Swiss to ecstasy until they found out it had no animal milk in it at all. She and Neil are built like top models. He’s a tall, handsome Viking. She’s a gorgeous lass from a cacophony of Irish, British and a bit of the Huguenots. (They were the upstarts that got turfed out of France in the 16th century for having the audacity to threaten the Catholic crown and Paris.) In short, Neil and Jessica exude health, happiness, and hormones. She will be able to tell me, in simple, easy-to-understand terms with even simpler ingredients, how to become an effortless vegan hostess. And I know I won’t have to stock the pantry with things that we carnivores will never use until we get the warning signal that a vegan is coming. Forks over Knives is the cookbook Jessica suggests although I point out that SHE should write this hostess guide, cookbook, and survival manual. Stay with me and you will never fear a dinner party again. We might even throw in some gluten free items. (My niece—Bill’s daughter—has celiac disease. Heck—if I am picking Jessica’s brain, why not go for the entire enchilada! If course, only if it is made of corn and has not meat or cheese in it.)

One would think that with September behind us, all the scheduling for school events, business meetings, business trips, and project deadlines would be complete. Alas, work is never done and what we think was a manageable load becomes the creeping embers for potential burnout. Consider these tips: Set boundaries. Thanks to digital mediums, email, smart phones and the like, electronic interruptions happen on top of one another. And it will continue unless you take control. Decide IN ADVANCE what takes priority and when you will deal with it. For example, set an auto responder that says you will answer email between 9 and 10am and again from 4-5pm. Never on the weekend unless it’s an emergency. You have to stick to your boundaries or offer a clear reason when it’s ok to over step them. Build in a buffer zone. Don’t plan tasks back to back. Give yourself a buffer. First, somehow tasks always take longer than you anticipate and, in that buffer you need time to refresh and recharge. For example, as soon as this post is written, I am going for a walk. I have a conference call this evening and I want my brain and body to be alert. Know your limits. If you are a morning person, then set up the harder tasks for the morning when you are fresh. If your body clock works the other way, get thru the easier tasks in the AM and save what is harder for the afternoon. Honor your personal priorities. No one will ever be on their death bed and exclaim “I wish I had worked more!” You want to live with no regrets and only real people will weep for your demise. If you are stuck thinking out what “no regrets” means for you, read Sam Horn’s marvelous new book: Someday is not a Day of the Week .

We have all heard the expression: “Be careful what you ask for. You might get it.” The same thing applies to words that we toss around so casually. Words color our imagination and evoke emotions. In fact, someone said recently said to me, “Don’t look for deficiencies. Look for proficiency.” The simple word changed my thought process. Anyone in a leadership position has an enormous obligation to select words carefully. As Mark Twain famously said, “The difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and lightning bug.” Consider the difference between the word “invasion” and “migration”. Even without the political implication, you can see how a raft of emotions differ with just one word. For a leader to say to the rank and file, “Our merger is tenuous” instead of “our merger is tentative” sets up potential expectations of either a positive or negative nature. There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. There’s a difference between describing an elder as aged versus experienced. In our hurried 24/7 world, I believe that creating a culture of optimism, compassion and collaboration depends greatly on the language we use as well as just how we say something. But since so much of our “communication” falls in the digital realm with 280 or less characters, words become even more paramount. Something to think about.

It’s an epidemic: loneliness! And it’s felt around the globe! It’s not determined by the actual number of friends or social connections, but rather an absence of meaningful relationships. In a recent study of some 20,000 Americans by health insurance company, Cigna, forty-seven percent of the respondents said they often felt alone or left out. Forty-one percent of Britons say television, or a pet is their main source of company. In Japan, a government study found that more than half-a-million people spend at least six months in their home without outside contact. And sadly, Generation Z members (ages 18-22) and Millennials (23-37) scored the highest for loneliness. For these two groups, despite digital connections, social media often portrays a curated life that doesn’t compare to their real world. Inadequacy runs rampant. Why care? Loneliness makes people sick. In the book I am currently writing, Burnout to Breakthrough, Building Resilience to Refuel Recharge and Reclaim What Matters , I share a Brigham Young University study found that loneliness shortens a person’s life by 15 years. Without an emotional support network or feeling connected, unhealthy habits creep in, along with possible substance abuse, a sedentary life without exercise, and isolation. The latter can leave one at danger in case of an emergency. Loneliness triggers the release of stress hormones that can be dangerous if exposed over long periods. This short article can only begin to scratch the surface of what one can do in the face of this epidemic. Let me offer three ways to connect for yourself and then, three ways a leader can help her team member connect. How to help yourself connect: Follow the advice of Cal Newport , professor of Computer Science at Georgetown and author of Digital Minimalism . Try a 30-day fast from your smart phone. This means eliminating all but ESSENTIAL apps, notifications, rings and dings. Refrain from looking on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and whatever current social pages you scroll. Yes—and put that phone FAR away at night. Make it a point to greet every stranger you pass in your walk or run. Just smile, say good morning, whatever! I have started doing this. It’s a heart warmer to see people face’s light up. Dogs want to have their heads scratched and where else can I find a two-month old puppy that the owners let me hold and snuggle? If you are very adventurous, watch for groups or families who are trying to get one of their party to take a picture. Offer to take the picture so no one is left out. You’ll be rewarded AND feel connected. Invite one person from work, your neighborhood, your school to come share a meal with you. Nothing fancy. When they look surprised, let them know that it’s time you share more than space on this earth. This take courage but—lead with your heart. After all, courage is from the French word for heart. How to help your team connect: The next time two or more team members are gathered with you, before you start the meeting, suggest that it's time to connect on more meaningful levels and not just the clear-cut business agenda. Share something personal about yourself. Perhaps a fond memory as a child. Or one of your most embarrassing moments… the funnier it is, the better. Invite whomever would like to speak next. Ask one of them to come up with a “here’s what you don't know about me” statement for the next gathering. It’ll take a while to loosen the soil but aha, the garden you are planting can be wonderful. Design space for team members to sit together in a casual setting. It might be in the coffee room. Teachers have lounges for a reason, but lounges have disappeared in most other environments. Make sure the environment is pleasant and not battleship gray! Practice gratitude. Tell each team member something you have noticed and appreciated about them, whether it’s going the extra mile or staying the course although it’s tough. This lets them know that YOU know and connects on a personal level. “Live in fragments no longer. Only connect” -E.M. Forester

I’m trying to practice requisite variety - looking for multiple responses to a given situation. After all, it’s what Darwin proclaimed would decide what species made it: the ones with many ways of adapting to the environment.  Unfortunately, sometimes I am stuck with a singular way of thinking about something. Like my thinking about crows. My neighborhood has seen an infestation of crows. These black, dive bombing, cackling birds have scared away my song birds, left poop all over my patio, and even swooped down and snatched my sandwich when I turned my back. A scarecrow didn’t work, spikes don’t work, and poison is out of the question. Vector control also refuses to trap and relocate them. Requisite variety finally came into play when the neighborhood office hired a falconer. A falconer! Who knew that training birds of prey was a profession in my town.? Imagine, swooping, whistling hawks across the sky. There’s no bloodshed. These predators are trained to merely haze the birds until they decide not to return. Wow…just scare those pesky birds. Genius. A natural, green and sustainable activity. A very different viewing point and perfect. Now that’s one for the books.

David and his wife were scheduled to have dinner with us on Sunday, a date established months before. Alas, three days before our gathering, David sent us a picture of his face and an email that said he’d have to cancel. His face was covered in hives and the doctor was running tests. The doctor said it was a food allergy exasperated by stress. As David explained, “There’s simply a great deal on my plate of late including multiple projects at work, over committed on my volunteer work and contemplating impending retirement. Typically keep my head down and power through such periods but this is a bit different. “ But maybe, David isn’t so different. In doing research for my book debuting in August 2020 but available for pre-order on Amazon.com , Burnout to Breakthrough: Building Resilience to refuel, recharge and reclaim what matters, I am uncovering a number of “Davids”, men and women of different ages who are reporting physical symptoms that range from eczema to even passing out from exhaustion.  In every instance, their explanation to me is that felt they just had to work at that pace and take on so much. Amazing how our internal self-talk overrides what our body is telling us—if only we would listen! Two people said they were trying to live up to their parents expectations. Another individual said that getting accolades and raking in commendations and financial rewards had been paramount. Fortunately, his body literally collapsed, and he now is serious about what really matters. I say “fortunate” because in 2013, 21 year-old Moritz Erhardt was discovered dead, sprawled across the shower floor and slumped against the door. Erhardt had won a highly competitive summer internship at the Bank of America Merrill Lynch in London but it was a costly victory. An article in The Guardian quoted one City intern who told the reporter that at the time of Erhardt’s death, working for more than 100 a week was normal for interns. In my current research , summer interns in many global financial institutions are still expected to work from 9am -2am. Sure they are paid handsomely for it but one has to ask “what price is being paid with their body?" While Goldman Sachs issued an edict in 2015 that stated interns have to stay out of the office from midnight until 9am, it’s not so mandated in investment firms.  Rather, it appears that perceived pressure to be seen as one of “the team”, pushes individuals to extremes that might be harmful.  Perhaps some team members have the stamina of a thoroughbred and can go the distance.  But other members might be better suited to the deliberate pace of a Clydesdale horse. (Recall the Budweiser horses.) My point is not to single out a specific industry but rather to raise a caution flag. Your body is a machine that—like all machines—needs to be cleaned, tuned up, oiled, and plugged into an energy source.  Machines wear out when used non-stop and so do our bodies. Ariana Huffington’s personal wake-up call came in the form of a fall from her desk, resulting in a nasty gash over her eye and a broken cheekbone. That experience literally woke her up to write Thrive: The Third Metric to Redefining Success and Creating a life of Well-being, wisdom and Wonder.   Huffington is now strongly committed to ensuring that her company puts in systems and processes that help employees live balanced healthy lives. Her voice is one that facilitates these sessions at the yearly World Economic Forums in Davos. But we don’t all work for Ariana. You and only you are the first defense in breaking out of a physically unhealthy pattern of work. Consider and LISTEN closely to your body. Ignore the voice in your head that says things like: “you’ll be seen as a laggard.You’ll let people down. You can rest later. You’ll never get everything done if you stop now.”  Yada, Yada, Yada. Imagine how much better your brain will function on rest. You won’t have to redo so much or make so many errors. Truthfully, ask your body if it is a thoroughbred or a Clydesdale? And when you hear the answer—have a glass of champagne or a beer

The current environment brings additional stress to our homes and offices. Physician burnout , for example, is rampant.  You probably know some of the symptoms. Here are but a few. Check them off and then consider some actions. Some Burnout Symptoms: Work leaves you physically and emotionally drained. You feel like you are accomplishing less and doing more. You put your work first but no one appreciates your efforts. You've lost your sense of humor and playfulness. You find yourself short-tempered and angry. You go on vacation but the feeling of overwhelm comes back immediately upon return. What can you do to gain a sense of control? Consider just some of these options: Hold certain times sacred. Mark off a period of time for yourself on your calendar and treat it with gold. Learn to say "no" by creating realistic boundaries.  Speak up when you are overwhelmed. Remember, no one but YOU knows what you really do in the course of a day. Establish limits that honor the needs of the people around you while preserving the integrity of what you can honestly do. Create a workspace that nurtures your soul. Whether it's filled with pictures of the grandkids or flowers from your garden, this space must speak of you. Exercise to burn off stress. Allow 15 minutes in the morning just for you. This is quiet time for centering, breathing, preparing for the day. You'll be glad you did. Remember: you are the captain of your ship. Pay attention to the wind and waves.

Anyone in the audience when I have given my presentation, “Radical Resilience”, knows that I believe action is the antidote for anxiety. Sitting and stewing, muttering and watching storm clouds, or pacing back and forth does nothing. When we begin to take control over even the smallest part of our life, we begin to gain a sense of forward momentum. Read the rest of the article on LinkedIn at https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/five-tips-holding-business-yourself-together-mcdargh-csp-cpae/

The Conference Board recently surveyed Americans asking how many of them would take a vacation in the next six months. The results were shocking: only 39 percent (the lowest in 30 years) said they would dim the office lights, close the door and slip off to sip rum drinks in coconuts sometime in the next six months. The outrageous gas prices and sluggish economy are contributing to the problem but there is more to the story. According to an article in SLATE , "everyone seems to be suffering from job creep" created by technology such as Blackberries and laptops that make workers accessible 24/7. This encroaches more and more on family time and adds even more stress to personal relationships. Every other industrialized nation provides guaranteed sick leave to employees while Americans work more hours than any of our brethren in other countries.” Working long hours, getting less sleep and spending less time with your family and friends cause workers more stress. Stress translates into more sick time and more employees with depression and other emotional issues. Sick and unmotivated employees don't perform well in the office and down the line, that additional sick leave will cost corporations millions of wasted dollars a year. You owe it to yourself and others: Carve out personal time for yourself and your employees and reduce the toll taken by the 24/7 work week.

No job is ever ordinary—particularly if one chooses to make it “work”.  Kahlil Gibran wrote, “Work is love made visible.”  No place is this more evident than at Barnes-Jewish Hospital in St. Louis where a 33-year-old housekeeper decided to make patients smile through her art. In a recent engagement to speak to oncology nurses at Siteman Cancer Center, located on the campus of Barnes-Jewish Hospital, I found myself mesmerized and smiling at a huge purple elephant painted on a widow and at various other art objects tacked to a wall. To my surprise, the art is the work of Kailey Custard, a full-time employee in environmental services who on her first day of work, noticed a colorful pair of two giraffes facing each other. The giraffes could be seen by patients and staff at St. Louis Children’s hospital across the street. Kailey decided to join the fun. “Art is something that makes people happy because they can relate to it,” says Custard. “People are battling cancer on this floor and it’s sad. Instead of always being sad, I wanted to help our patients feel better.” With the help of the nursing staff, patients and visitors now see pinwheels, paper flowers and new window paintings on the unit. Custard completes her projects on her breaks. According to Mary Drago, BSN, RN Clinical Nurse Manager on Custard’s floor, “Kailey coordinates art projects for staff, patients and visitors. She sings to our patients, makes waffles for the nurses, drew this amazing purple elephant on a window, while keep our floors spotless.” BJG housekeepers are supplied with “while you were out” cards to let patients know what services were done while they were out of their room. But Kailey goes one step further. On the back of the card, she draws pictures or writes something encouraging. Custard believes this brings her closer to the staff, patients and visitors. As I learned more about Kailey Custard. I realize she’s not a housekeeper. She’s a home-maker.

Just received a reading pillow from a great new family-run business Keen Edge Home. To my amazement, this not-so-little gem had been vacuum sealed in plastic packaging. The instruction is to take it out, fluff it up like a normal pillow, and wait 24-48 hours for it to reach full and expanded size. (See the before and after pictures.) I believe this package delivered on Sunday is meant to be my meditation. I bet I am not the only one who has days in which your spirit feels shrunken, depleted, and small. You know what that’s like: a rejection from a client, an inability to see light at the end of a difficult tunnel, an unkind comment from an acquaintance, a sense that everyone seems to be thriving in their work and you’re not, the loss of a special relationship. The list could go on. The first instruction is to take your spirit out and fluff it up. I believe that means to get out of your physical surroundings. Leave your desk chair. Get out of the kitchen. Go walk some place where you see green trees, flowers, water, animals. Whether a park or the beach, a creek or a garden, let it be a site that opens your sight. Nature reminds us that life comes in cycles: from the enfolding of earth in winter, to the blossoming in spring. Whatever you are feeling, remember “this too shall pass”. Resiliency requires faith. Breathe deeply and wait. It might take more than 48 hours to be shaped into the wonderful person you are. I believe will happen as surely as my shrunken reading pillow expands into what it was meant to be.