Challenge yourself today to catch your breath. When athletes have been running hard and long, they need time to catch their breath before they can begin again. So do we. Breathe. In your nose, out your mouth. Then do it again. See how good that feels? Did you know that taking a deep breath through your nose improves cognitive function? It also improves your mood, and maybe your life. I don’t care how fast you are, or how strong you are, sooner or later you have got to catch your breath. I learned that when my mentor and uncle, John O’Brien, had a heart attack in the courtroom. It’s a story I tell in my book The Elegant Warrior, but suffice to say he hadn’t taken time to catch his breath in a long while. Nor had I. And after that experience, I swore that with every sprint, I’d find time to catch my breath. I swore that with every marathon, I’d find even more time. But I’ve failed. I’ve broken those promises, and haven’t always given myself the vacations and the breaks I’d promised myself. I write these articles as much for me as for you. Today, let’s all take the time to catch our breath and improve our resiliency. It may mean meditating for a little longer, reading a book in the shade, or taking a warm bath. Whatever it is, go to the place where your breath is waiting for you. Catch it, and sit with it for a short while. Then carry on with your sprint, or your marathon, better for the additional oxygen in your lungs and the smile on your face. Now share with Eileen and I–when was the last time you caught your breath? What does that look like for you? Give us some suggestions of good ways to catch your breath, and we will all learn from one another. Deep breath in the nose, out the mouth. Heather Hansen is a trial lawyer, consultant and professional speaker. She has defended medical malpractice cases for over twenty years, was recently inducted into the American College of Trial Lawyers and is consistently named one of the Top 50 Female Attorneys in the state of Pennsylvania. Heather works as a communication consultant, combining her courtroom experience with her psychology degree and her training as a mediator to help her clients ask better questions, master objections, and use credible persuasion to succeed. She has appeared on CNN, NBC, Fox News Channel, and Good Day Philadelphia, and is the host of The Elegant Warrior podcast. Heather lives in New York City.

Adaptability is the first critical skill in responding to every situation (positive or negative) in our life. It also means looking for multiple options. This amounts to a willingness to explore. When my nephew was a child, I remember well the lesson he taught all of us: At age 7, Sasha had all the curiosity of a cat and the wisdom of a sage. Adopted from Russia at age 5, by my brother John, Sasha stood on the shore of one of the main piers in Cape Cod. He began jumping up and down on the sand, begging to explore the refuse that exist at low tide among the pilings. Being a good father, John insisted that he’d get filthy… be a mess… Besides, it was unsafe… broken glass, bottles, garbage and DEAD THINGS. The last two words ignited Sasha’s plea to new heights. “But Papa,” he hollered—waving his arms and looking more like Ms. Frizzle and her magic school bus, “to discover, one must take chances and make messes.” Wow… “to discover, one must take chances and make messes.” If that isn’t the wisdom of the spirit, I don’t know what is. How do we grow, learn, celebrate our insatiable creativity if we color within the lines, only try what is safe and known, stay in a sterile pattern. What will you discover today because you took a chance and made a mess? How might taking that risk create a new response you never tried? I’d love to know.

Laughter Turns Upset into Onset… for a relationship that is. Strangest thing about humor. When found and used appropriately, it creates a bond and wins people over. When confronted with serious situations, laughter is often the first ingredient to dispel tension and get things moving again. As Victor Borge was known for saying, “laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” It is also what attracts others to us and our services. I remember seeing a sign in a travel agency in Miami. “Please Go Away”. I wanted to do business with them. At least I know they’d be fun! A colleague sent me a notice he said came from an IRS office: “We've got what it takes to take what you've got.” At last: a government agency with a sense of humor. A friend went to a restaurant in Washington State. She observed another patron who had apparently ordered the chicken and it was definitely not to his liking. He called over the waiter and proceeded to yell at him about the lousy food. “This is BAD chicken,” he shouted holding up the plate to the stunned waiter. That waiter didn’t miss a beat. He grabbed the plate and proceeded to spank the chicken, saying “Bad, bad, Chicken!” Everyone in the restaurant broke up laughing. Now in a heartbeat, the waiter apologized and said he would bring back a new dinner. But it was the laughter that broke the spell and got things back to a place where the waiter could actually help the customer. If something happens today to get your dander up, see what might be the humor in the situation. If you laugh, the silly upset goes away and what remains in its place is the real issue to be handled. Hoping you find laughter this week. Remember and the world laughs along. Or at least chuckles!

I admit: I’m a hard charger. And the thought of taking “a nap” goes against my grain. But this article convinced me that re-energizing is more than a good night’s sleep and practicing intelligent optimism. So sit back. Take a deep breathe. And read. Your resilient spirit will thank you. Daytime napping has long been a dividing issue. Some swear by it, claiming it gives them the energy they need to go through the second half of their day. Others look down on daytime nappers, thinking they’re rude, lazy, or perhaps even hungover. But as we are all becoming more mindful about our daily habits, people’s views on daytime napping are starting to change. It is still nowhere near as revered as green tea or meditation, but it’s certainly getting there. And when it comes to midday downtime rituals, power napping is the go-to option for numerous people with busy professional and personal lives. Participate in the Slumber Secrets nap quiz and read the rest of the guide!

According to a CIGNA Survey conducted in 2018, 46% of Americans feel lonely sometimes or always. Only around half of Americans (53 percent) have meaningful, in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend or spending quality time with family, on a daily basis. Gen Z's are among the most lonely. Although the 18-23-year-olds think they are super-connected, they are not. They're attached to the wireless "umbilical cords" connected to smart phones which—in the scheme of things—are not very smart. Communication that is purely digital can never replace the sound of a voice or the touch of a hand. Or—for that matter—the tone of a voice. Chronic use of social media increases loneliness. Here’s the kicker: loneliness has been determined to be more dangerous to your health than if you smoked 15 cigarettes a day! According to Vivek Murthy, former US Surgeon General, this loneliness epidemic poses significant risk for our nation’s well-being. A Brigham Young University study showed that loneliness can weaken your immune system, increase inflammation, and fuel heart disease and stroke. Doesn’t sound resilient to me. One solution: meaningful human connection through listening. When connected with someone who lovingly and respectfully listens with her heart, life become lighter, even healthier. It’s such a simple but powerful tool that psychologist Tracy Ruble began setting up chairs on a sidewalk in San Francisco. Trained volunteers sat and just listened to any passerby who just wanted to stop and talk. From humble beginnings in 2015, Sidewalk Talk has grown to over 400 volunteers in 50 cities and in 12 countries. According to Ruble, “We aim to teach people how to be effective listeners and compassionate community members so we can all show up and support one another. We teach people how to be listeners and empower them to start Sidewalk Talk chapters in their own cities.” SO, dear readers, put away your not-so-smart phones. Walk into your home, office, or neighborhood and just try listening to one person without judgment or advise.  I’m in the field of communication and I know I can always become a better listener. Time to impact the loneliness epidemic! Having a solid social network of real friends is an antidote, even the Magic Elixir for good physical and mental health. Being social can prevent us from being lonely which stresses our immune system.

At the gym, I saw a television ad for the Land Rover. The driver—a very handsome man—stops the car, gives his dog the whiff of a dropped scarf and the chase begins! The driver follows this gorgeous black dog running through narrow alleys, down cobblestone streets, until the animal stops at the steps of what looks like a huge mansion. Out hops the man. He bounds up the steps as the woman turns. She smiles, accepts the scarf and he’s back in the driver seat. Trying to sell me a Land Rover?I think not. I’d buy the dog!!!!

For 20 years, I’ve gone away on a personal retreat to The Center for Spiritual Renewal in Montecito. The four-hour drive created a vacuum in which I could eventually still my busy mind. The last hour brought sweeping vistas of the Ventura coastline, following by densely wooded streets until I stopped at the base of a mountain and the front door of a magnificent home built in the 1930s. By habit, my first meal would be in a small Italian restaurant and then home to the great house with Italian tiles, intricate teak ceilings, big beds, and a kitchen accessible 24-7. There I would write, meditate, and hike to the ridge line some four miles above the town. You can read the rest of the post at LinkedIn .

For the past three years in December, my twin brother has sent me a pot of amaryllis blubs from Harry and David’s. But this Christmas, the bulbs came looking less than hardy: very dry, small, and pretty pathetic compared to past years. They looked so bad that I took a picture and sent it to John as proof that if they did not bloom, he could get his money back from the retailer. Instead of following the directions, I felt these bulbs needed something different. Instead of water, I placed ice cubes on the soil once or twice a week. I placed the pot in a window that looked to the sea and received pretty steady sunlight… more sunlight than was recommended. I broke the rules. For weeks, nothing changed. I kept up my ice cubes and rotated the pot. Somehow, I had faith that there was unseen growth going on inside my bulbs. Finally, six weeks later, a stalk appeared. And then another.  Almost overnight, sturdy stalks climbed upward and opened into amazing blossoms. Now—almost through the month of February, I have seven flowers AND, the tiniest bulb is just now beginning to sprout not one but two stalks! You have to christen just such a plant. Meet Phyllis Amaryllis. She’s a beauty. My plant, I realized, offers a wonderful metaphor for resilience. Perhaps you have had times, as I have, when you feel small, dried out, and frankly pathetic in comparison to others. Staying the course and believing in yourself can be difficult. But, if we listen to the inner voice of wisdom—refuse to imitate others but follow our own guidance, we can grow. We break the “rules” and we keep the faith. Patience is tested but—as with Phyllis Amaryllis—I know we can all bloom WHEN and WHERE we are planted. It just might take a little longer.

What is blossoming for you right now? A thought to ponder. Remember, resilience is cultivated. Like any plant, it takes time to grow and—sometimes- must be transplanted into a new “situation” to begin again. Just like any plant, you must till the soil, seed, feed, and weed. Where are you in the cultivating process? Where is your soil hard-packed, root-bound—not letting any new idea or behavior surface? What seeds would you like to plant? How will you feed that seed? And, altho always a pain to do— there are times we must weed out emotions such as anger and fear. Forgiveness is a great fertilizer. Who deserves your forgiveness? Better still, even i they don’t “deserve it”, perhaps you do!

Comfort zones are like warm milk, a cozy blanket, and a lullaby. When life appears hard, scary, or challenging, such zones offer safety and familiarity.  But comfort zones also can hold us back from moving into the next stage of life, of learning, of relationships. As I watch myself and my colleagues move into the aging process, I see us holding back and holding on.  Tried and true seems bright and new.  Only it is not. I think my 96 year-old mother was quite right when on her death bed she proclaimed, “Let’s be daring. Let’s have an adventure.” Death—that’s an adventure I doubt any of us are eager to experience.  But today, as I ponder the next decade of my life, I’m captured by the idea that a resiliency practice might very well keep my soul—your soul—from inertia, anxiety, emptiness, a lack of vitality, and the boredom of sameness. Here’s my challenge. There’s an ancient European custom practiced in parts of Spain along the Pyrenees Mountains. Specifically, people are encouraged to do something they have never done before or on the date of their birth and keep it up for a year. That means that for me, on the fifth of every month, I am challenged to do something I have never done before. This is a practice that will require ingenuity, patience, persistence, and discipline. While I haven’t worked up my courage to do a tandem parachute jump—yet—I started in January to do some activity or have some experience that is foreign to me.  Around the fifth of January, I went snowshoeing. Can’t say I had much luck as the snowshoes kept falling off and getting snagged in sticks on the ground BUT—I did it. This month, I signed up and am taking a Pilates reformer class. Yes—I did it on February 5.  By February 6, I could hardly move but I will stick it out for at least all four lessons I got with a Groupon ticket. You get the idea. I’d love to know what “never before” activity or experience might you add on or close to your birth day every month. I’ve got my twin brother John joining me. Keep a log book or journal of the experience. Write me. Tweet me @macdarling.  Getting out of our comfort zone begins to strengthen our resiliency muscle. Here’s to doing something NEW.

This month of February, I have written about building resilient work relationships and resilient marriage/love relationships. But there is one relationship we often take for granted: our bodies. This amazing shell that we carry around with us is comprised of approximately 60% water and some 60,000 miles of veins, capillaries and arteries. While bone size and density vary in gender and age, when all is said and done, a cremated body fills up a good-size zip lock bag! I know. I have handled the funeral for my mother as well as two other seniors. We have a body of paradoxes. Just as resilient relationships require tending, listening, appreciating, and celebrating, so too do our bodies. Here are some practices that I’ve discovered can increase the energy capacity and strength of our physical frame. Read the rest of my post on LinkedIn.

It’s been almost 39 years since Bill and I said, “I do”. Both of us came from failed marriages so no one was taking odds that this would be so long and happily lasting. You might say—through everything—we have a resilient marriage.We have grown through challenges, deaths, illnesses, and kids. Since February seems to be the month of hearts and flowers—not to mention dark chocolate and champagne—Bill and I started talking about what we have learned that could be shared with others seeking to craft a resilient love relationship. Seems crazy but –as the song says—"what does love have to do with it?” Truth be told, you can be in love but still fail at creating a long term, HAPPY marriage.We’ve all had friends who say, “I love him. I just can’t live with him."  While love is the foundation, there are deliberate actions—from our perspective—that can be taken to grow a resilient relationship. 1. Create deliberate celebrations that underscore commitment. We were married on May 18, 1980. It was the day Mt. St Helen’s erupted. And no, we were not responsible. But it sure seared the date of the 18th in our brains.  For almost 39 years, we have celebrated our marriage on the 18th of every month. In the early years, the 18th of the month meant going out to dinner or having a special bottle of wine or doing “something” in the form of celebration.  As always, our 18th was vocalized as “Happy Anniversary”.  Then, as I traveled for my work, the task was to see who could be THE FIRST to say, “Happy Anniversary”. With time zone changes, I often had a 3 hour or so jump on him.  That meant I could call, wake him up, and joyously proclaim “Happy Anniversary.” Thus we started our contest. Today, with age, it’s the first who can remember it’s the 18th of the month. I don’t travel as much as I have done so it could be a nudge to the ribs from either of us and a proclamation of “Happy Anniversary” which normally happens a few minutes after midnight on the 18th. Inevitably, the other one responds, “Oh shucks—you beat me.”   Then we are both back to slumber. Here’s the deal. Just saying those words monthly underscores that—at least for this month —“ I chose you.”   Think of it as taking a vow every month.  Creating a resilient marriage isn’t about huge actions but rather deliberate small steps, repeated over and over again. 2. Courtesy and consideration create respect and gratitude. Bill and I are both products of the Deep South where “yes, sir”, “no ma’am”, “please” and “thank you” are as common as grits and lightning bugs. In thinking about this article, I realized that these acknowledgements are part of our everyday life. Until a friend came to visit and heard us say things like:  “ thanks for taking out the garbage”,“please help me fold this sheet” , “Pass the salt, please, Ma’am” etc. I hadn’t realized these words naturally surface daily. I’m convinced that politeness and consideration go a long way in honoring the dignity of others. It’s often easy to take a partner for granted. Why would we not treat our spouses with the same kindness we offer to strangers? PS: If you don't do this—better tell your partner that you are working on a new habit of courtesy. Otherwise, she’ll wonder what guilt you’re hiding!! 3.  Laugh together—a lot! I look at many long-time married couples and so many seem just unhappy. Their faces wear a perennial pout or frown. Smiles seem artificial or forced. (Think Donald Trump.) As Viktor Borge said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”  Even in the throes of serious events, small chuckles together can ease part of the burden. During the time my mother was dying, she came on and off hospice. One minute she’s dying. The next minute she’s not. She was up and down so many times, I called her “yoyo Ma”. Bill called her, “MaMoo” and when he’d enter her hospital room, he’d make a sound like a cow. We all laughed. “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs,” wrote Henry Ward Beecher, “jolted by every pebble in the road.”   Marriage can have many jolts. But humor can calm the journey. So, here’s to your journey in love. Let’s me know what secrets you have discovered with your partner. After all, love DOES make the world go ‘round.