Radical Resilience Part 3: Emotional Regulation

I admit to having a difficult time with this. For a starter, the hate speech, lies, and cruelty that have taken over my nation defy belief. Raised by parents who taught us that we owed allegiance to our country, and often we were asked what we did to help another person,  I struggle with this. I find my energy dissolved into anger. This is NOT emotional regulation. It’s call visceral response. And it is not healthy.

How to Engage with Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation begins with realizing that listening is core to regulating. But listening is not the same as hearing.  I wear hearing aids. This mechanism helps me to bring in sounds and understand what words are being stated. But it is NOT listening.

Listening is the psychological interpretation of what is being said. Words carry emotions, images, and experiences. For example: the nuances and the meanings of the word “toxic” can range from deadly to deliberately evil. To call someone “toxic” might signal danger and “stay away”. However, if that phrase is offered in a tone of sadness, our interpretation might be one of concern.

STOP!  Look (both ways) and LISTEN.

Here is the point—when we become emotionally “hooked” by what we hear, STOP! I must ask myself why I am reacting in that fashion? What questions might I ask for clarification? Is my reaction going to generate anxiety or will it push me to dig deeper.

It is so easy to find myself caught in a knee-jerk reaction without really following the railroad crossing rule: STOP!  Look (both ways) and LISTEN.

Remember, I teach what I need to learn!