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Just returned from 9 days of backpacking in the Pioneer Basin region of the Southern CA High Sierras. The 12,000 - foot Mono Pass assured us that we were well tucked behind granite peaks and away from the ambient light of the LA Basin at night. I tried, without luck, to photograph the millions of stars, the twirling Milky Way Galaxy  and the split seconds of shooting stars the zapped across the night. Then the moon rose, starting as a sliver and ending up just short of full.  With its emergence, the array of stars that so mesmerized me became indistinct and faded from view.  It is the moon and its brilliance that seemed to occupy the night. In fact, throughout history, the moon gets far more popular attention than any other object in the sky. Isn’t that so true in life: The brighter-than-all sales superstar, the blockbuster drug, the number one athlete, the great rainmaker, and on it goes.  The light from these individuals and products truly overshadow the rest.  Attention and praise are heaped on them. In doing so, a leader can miss the incredible artistry of a lesser “star”. In some cases, these now over-shadowed people paved the way for the individual’s singular achievement.  The researcher toiling at the bench might not find a blockbuster drug but his discoveries could add much to collective wisdom and future achievements. Don’t let the ultra bright person or thing obscure the complexity, beauty, and potential of others. My simple thought from a sleeping bag.

Consider these facts: (1)  All change—even self-selected change involves loss and therefore some pain. (2)  A carrot/stick approach rarely work in the long run. (3)  Gentle persuasion doesn’t engage someone. People don’t like to feel persuaded! (4)  Focused attention - over time - reshapes the patterns of the brain. **  Thus, for any change to “stick”, an action (and attention) need to be concentrated and continual. The brain has, in fact, neuroplasticity. It can be re-shaped but only with focused attention over time. (5)  People’s expectations shape their reality.  To reshape expectations, people need an event or an experience that provokes them to internally change their mental model. It’s an inside out approach.  That’s why we talk about employees “owning” any kind of change initiative. The “insights” about change must come from them—not directed from above. So what to do: Reframe the situation. Look at what is possible and positive.  Leave problem behaviors in one’s memory bank. Instead, focus on solutions that are facilitated so the individual develops personal insights rather than being given advice.  And then systematically, religiously, keep talking about solutions and actions. The ball will begin to move. ** 1997 study of 31 public-sector managers by Baruch College researchers found that a training program alone increased productivity 28% but the addition of follow-up coaching to the training increased productivity 88%.

I love it when one connection leads to another.  Sid Jaffe is president of Advantage Consulting Inc, a top-notch DC-area firm that trains companies in the fine art of government contracting and proposal writing. Sid, in turn, introduced me to Duane Grove, one smart-as-heck consultant who is as home with quoting philosophers as he is with detailing strategic activities.  (You can read more about him at the end of this article.) I read an article that Duane wrote and found it to have such universal meaning that I asked to share it with my readers. Here it is, with his permission. Six Words to Banish From Your Organization By Duane Grove Poet E.E. Cummings isn’t always the easiest author to follow.  His writings are often veiled in deeper meaning.  In his poem, “Effie’s Head,” he describes an encounter with God at the death of Effie.  There is tremendous wisdom in this poem that calls to mind the great intentions of humankind often thwarted by lack of action. Cummings speaks to six crumbs as God looks inside Effie’s coffin, each which speak to what could have been but never was.  These six crumbs (or words) are ones you should banish from your organization.  They are:  may, might, should, could, would, and must. These words used in organizations are barriers to action.  I “may” be able to get the task done by the deadline speaks to a lack of commitment.  You “might” consider using the prototype only speaks to what is possible but lacks specificity on how to take action.  I “should” change the proposal to address the customer’s need for schedule flexibility only talks to what options you have but no path to implement them.  The team “could” talk to the customer to see what they need has no commitment to closure and lacks accountability.  I “would” like to implement the product change to align with the market will never get you to realize the potential.  Finally, when you “must” finish a task, you speak to the obligations you have to address but lacks the energy to make them happen. How many times have you left a meeting believing that others (or yourself) are committed to action only to find things left unfinished just when you needed them?  In my experience, discussions at meetings are often filled with these six words.  When used to evaluate alternatives, these words can open doors, but when it comes to commitment, they have no place in the discourse.  Are these six words keeping you from making progress?  If so, make a commitment to eliminate them from your vocabulary when you know it is action that is required.  Intention alone—no matter how well meaning—is the enemy of results. Duane Grove is the founder of Connect2Action, a strategy execution specialist at the intersection of employee engagement and executive leadership, igniting innovation as a lever to accelerate growth.  Duane has over 15 years in developing and executing strategic plans and spearheading new business areas ranging in size from several million to $2.5 billion in annual sales.  He has extensive experience in aerospace & defense with multiple assignments over the last 30 years.

I wanted to share one story with you of a special little spot in Manhattan: St. Paul's Chapel in the Wall Street district. Saint Paul's is part of Trinity Episcopal parish and is the oldest public building to be in continuous use in Manhattan. It was built in 1766 and was the chapel George Washington came to pray the day of his Inauguration. It has become most recognized today because it is located directly across the street from the World Trade Towers. On Sept. 11 when the towers imploded, pieces of the buildings showered over the chapel and graveyard. Inside the chapel, the parish had already set up stations for relief workers, first-responders, and grieving families searching for their loved ones. For over 8 months, this small simple chapel was the center of comfort both physical and emotional for tens of thousands of people. Twenty-four hours a day/7 days a week, volunteers of all kinds--podiatrists, massage therapists, cooks, chaplains, "just caring folks" and more provided whatever they could for the bone and heart-weary people.We first stood across from St. Paul's and saw behind the steeple the partly empty sky where one World Trade tower had stood and a silver shining new tower with only a few more floors yet covered in glass and steel. This 247 year old structure sits humbly in sharp contrast to the soaring modern buildings of business around it. Though there were many people in the chapel, we all walked through in almost hushed reverence, looking at the photos, the letters, the piles of insignias left by grateful rescue units from around the world. We walked around the building to the old graveyard in back. Though the road and construction noise from the new tower site is deafening, there was still a "feeling" of silence among these worn headstones and the shade of the trees in full leaf. I remembered well that day--September 11, 2001.  Mom was in Fort Lauderdale and, as was my habit, I called her early in the morning to chat while I had my coffee. She, as was her habit, was watching the Today Show. She always turned down the volume while we talked but she suddenly said, "Why are they showing a picture of the World Trade Center with smoke coming out of it?" I said it was probably just the anniversary of the 1993 World Trade bombing or something. I turned on my TV and we were in shock as we watched the horror unfold before us. For the next hour we stayed on the phone, watching and praying together. I said, "This building is going to implode. It can't keep burning like this. " No sooner had I said that when the tower collapsed. For the next week Mom and I were on the phone a lot, just needing to connect for comfort as we tried to absorb the enormity and deep suffering of this devastating event. For the next month that year we all were the best we are capable of being as a people, a nation and a world. Though much has happened in the intervening years because of this tragedy that is not so noble, when I was at St. Paul's I felt it was still hallowed ground, a prayerful spot where the pain, suffering, caring and humanity was embraced and salved. I knew that this was the right place to leave some of Mom's ashes and that of another friend's mom. I tucked them in the cool, damp ground under some flowering plants in the graveyard, not far from a small American flag someone else had left. They will now nurture these plants surrounded by this special place and people. Amen. Amen. Love, Susan

For two full days, a vast network of folks fanned out across the Hollywood Hills, searching for a very scared dog that had bolted from the dog sitter’s yard. Pup “Rooney” had been rescued by Dr. Rise Hoffman who had left for Africa and her AIDS clinic project that morning.  A frantic sitter called one of the neighborhood watch captains and the search began. In challenge and crisis, having a supportive community is an essential for making it through, but community doesn’t happen just when one needs it. No it must be deliberately built and nurtured over time. It can’t be forced or coerced. It grows from demonstrated actions of concern and love for the stranger as well as the friend. Upper Nichols Canyon is just such a community. Thanks to the efforts of my sister and a handful of dedicated volunteers, they have created a network that protects children, holds block parties, participates in the most successful ever evacuation drill the LA Fire Department has ever seen, and helps the police teams with surveillance. Here is a letter my sister emailed today which details what can happen when a community member–even if working in Africa—needs help. Dear Neighbors, It's a great news day! Rooney is home!! She was found during the night in the hills above Sunset and Kings Rd. in West Hollywood (!!!)  She  kept bolting away from the man's food offering when he approached and out into the dark. The kind rescuer, who got the flier from a friend, called me at 7:30 this morning while I was at LAX. Dog-sitter Tara went immediately to the area and an exhausted, hungry Rooney came to the special friend she knew. Her (and our) 40 hour adventure is over! Lots of tears of joy this morning! Especially in Malawi, Africa where our Nichol’s neighbor and Rooney's "mom" Dr. Risa Hoffman got the good news on a text at her AIDS clinic project. Risa texted me to "please thank everyone for all their efforts, caring and prayers. It means so much to me! I'm so grateful and happy!" Friends, I want to thank everyone as well. This was a very real example of how our community works together in tough times. Tara and her team of wonderful pet caregivers worked tirelessly as we created and executed a search plan. Together our Nichols neighbors, other neighborhood associations surrounding ours, pet rescue groups, and folks who saw the fliers, helped widen the search and get more eyes looking for Rooney. Even one of our 10 year-old neighbor printed up fliers to give out at Wonderland School since we knew Rooney might range that far. The guys who ran off our fliers said they'd pray for Rooney's return as did others who took them. We were grateful for any kind of help. Though some may say, "it's just a dog!", I tell this story because yes, it was a dog today but it could be a child, a neighbor, an earthquake or something else another time. We have experienced again our capacity to care, to organize, to pitch in not just in our neighborhood but in the wider community. This is our reassurance that when called upon we will be there for each other. That means something to me. So have a happy day! Hug your pet or someone else you love! And many thanks! Best,Susan President, Upper Nichols Canyon Neighborhood Assn. I think my sister is pretty darned spot on.

Months worth of posters are hung around a gym. The signs proclaim "Need help with equipment? Just ask the yellow t-shirts!"  Only problem -- none of the customers ever see an employee wearing the yellow shirt.  After almost a year, the posters come down. Go to the gym at 7:00am in Newport Beach. "Sorry, we're not open yet." "Huh?  This is called 24-Hour fitness!" "That's only for some of the clubs." Customer to the front desk at 24-Hour Fitness, Ocean Ranch: "Hardly any of the head jacks work on the treadmills.  A bunch of us have asked and asked to have them fixed. What's up?" "We decide what kind of repairs we can do based upon the number of people who remember to sign in. We will only do a few at a time. Maybe this will force people to sign in." "Great punishment. Will drive the rest of us away. Smaaart!!! The only remaining non-spin class at 5:30am on Tuesdays is cancelled despite the fact that it always has a solid attendance. Customers are told, "You can just go find a another class later in the day if you don't like spin." "But we all have to be at work. We can't come later. Can we have the phone number of the corporate office or the general manager?" "Sorry. I don't know it. You can call the maintenance guy and he might have it." "Duh. We think he's fixing headphone jacks in another state... or else ripping the numbers off the hand weights so we have to guess at the poundage." All are Bonehead leaders--no--make that bosses.   No one worthy of the title "leader" would ever pull such stupid moves. What are some of the bonehead moves you're seen lately?

"Trust people to do their jobs and they will setup up to the next level of performance and collaboration.  Sure, letting go is tough.  But holding back can be disastrous.  If you maintain too much control, people look to you and not to each other when the next storm comes.  You can give away control while staying clearly visible, the entire team grows in strength and confidence." - Angel Martinez, President, The Rockport Company

As we celebrate Memorial Day, I wanted to share the words my sister, Susan Mullins wrote to the VFW post in York, PA: On May 4, 2012 we brought our mom home to York, Pennsylvania for her final service in St. Mary’s Catholic Church.  This had been her home for all her religious rites of passage during her 96 years. What was most powerful for us though was to see those 15 uniformed veterans waiting for Mom at attention as she arrived at old St. Mary’s Cemetery on the outskirts of town. My brother, sister, aunt and I sat before Mom’s urn at the Reineberg family plot as the soldiers unfolded the flag and held it in position.  Through the presentation of the colors, the firing of the rifles and the most moving and haunting playing of Taps. I was remembering a special conversation with Mom. It was 1978 and the WASP had just received full military recognition and their honorable discharges 34 years after they were disbanded.  I asked Mom what was the most important thing to her about this recognition as she had always humbly said, “I just did my part”.  Without a beat she answered, “Now I can have a military burial and a flag-draped casket.”  As I looked at the flag and watched these wonderful veterans honor Mary Reineberg Burchard I thought, “Mama, this is what you’ve always wanted and it is beautiful.”  The Air Force veteran, who so caringly presented the flag to our sister, moved everyone to tears with just his opening words, “On behalf of the President of the United States, the Secretary of the Air Force and a grateful Nation....” Yes, “a grateful Nation”.  Our family is very grateful to the service of all these veterans to our country before and now through their efforts as the  VFW York County Veteran Honor Guard.  We know Mom was flying near us that day, happy and proud to see all her family and to be with her “brothers in service” on that hillside. Many thanks to all members of the VFW who continue to honor their departed comrades.  It is a valuable gift to those veterans as they pass on and to their loved ones who are left behind.

In trying to clean out the VAST accumulation of papers in my office, I keep turning up bits and pieces from past speeches, clippings I have saved, and poems I kept. Goodness knows how old this is BUT the words are so important as we approach a weekend of remembering. He prayed—it wasn’t my religion. He ate—it wasn’t what I ate. He spoke—it wasn’t my language. He dressed—it wasn’t what I wore. He took my hand—it wasn’t the color of mine. But when he laughed—it was how I laughed, and when he cried—it was how I cried. “Underneath We’re all the Same” by Amy Maddox, 16 Franklin Community High School, Bargersville, Ind. We remember those who fought and died for us. And we also must continue to seek ways to bring justice and peace in the world so the remembrances become fewer in number rather than greater.

USA Today has a great article about the resiliency of Tuscaloosa, AL and Joplin, MO and their recovery and resilience after the tornadoes that ripped through these towns last year. My favorite part of the article is the beginning "Here is what you do after a massive tornado slashes the heart of your city, killing scores of citizens, wiping away landmarks of a lifetime.  You rethink everything."  Willingness to rethink old ways of doing things is part of being resilient and these two cities are the epitome of resilience.  Read the entire article here.

Just returned from York, PA and the funeral of my almost 96-year old Mother.  In the course of the past four years, I’ve watched nurses in hospitals, skilled nursing facilities, and hospice settings. Without a doubt, these women and men represent a resiliency in the face of systems and situations that could wear anyone down. During this week as the nation salutes the nursing profession, we’d all be well served if we took a few lessons from these professionals. Speaking to 300 Directors of Nursing (DONs) from LifeCare Centers of America, I listened to their passion and concern for their patients. They tackled operational challenges, laughed with abandon at the Medical Director’s expense, and cheered wildly for winners of service awards. The Strengths: Passion for the work Concern and care for the “customer” Ability to laugh at themselves and each other Support and celebration for the team. With our hospice nurses, I observed the same thing. Their sensitivity, compassion, and unfailing spirits were hallmarked by the exact same strengths. Here’s the point: if passion for your work has died - find something to rekindle it somewhere.  If customers and team members fill you with disdain or indifference, find a place where you can truly care about these two groups.  And if the last laugh you had was watching your handsome brother slip on a banana peel in front of the Homecoming queen, you might consider a SERIOUS attitude implant.  Humor remains a critical resiliency skill. And in this week, all strong nurses have it in abundance.

This past week, I had the wonderful opportunity to address about 600 members of the Women's Food Service Forum. In one of the interactive exercises, we all learned that a young women was a survivor of Stage 4 lung cancer.  The audience spontaneously jumped to their feet and applauded. Later that night, I found Christy dancing with wild enthusiasm on a dance floor--an amazing feat for anyone with diminished lung capacity. Here is what she wrote to me: "Over the last 5 years I have had the pleasure to provide hope to so many people battling cancer.  Hope can take you anywhere.  When faced with a challenge, it’s all in how you look at it that will determine the outcome. Facing challenges head on can make such a difference. "And then she signed her email this way: Remain victorious, Christy Hope. That's precisely what is rebuilding the cities of Joplin, MO and Tuscaloosa, AL . One year ago, these towns were devastated when tornadoes ripped through, killing a total of 171 people. Read accounts now and you hear optimism, recovery, gratitude, and a chance to rebuild in smarter ways. Without hope none of this could be possible. I loved reading the words of Malachi Dubose, an 11 year-old who rode out the Alabama storm with his mother and five sibling as they huddled in a windowless bathroom. USA TODAY (April 30) stated that he spoke about life before, describing neighbors and garden and he also spoke about hope, "Out of despair and closed eyes, when the cameras left and the president flew away, without video games and television, out of tears and sleepless nights, and in the hands of my parents through faith in God…we are paving new streets."A cancer survivor and an 11 year-old from a tornado-ravaged town. Lessons surely for all of us.