Search this site

Grocery shopping has become a nightmare. Lines snake around buildings. Food pallets are used to set up barricades that move shoppers—six feet apart—in a winding pattern like lines at Disney without an attraction at the end. Customers are masked, latex gloved, and noses bent to smart phones. But then, there’s my favorite store: Trader Joe’s. Since 1972, this store that started in Pasadena has stood out because it didn't rely on loyalty cards, sales gimmicks, and membership fees. It’s practices—to this day—are about value to the customer. Here they are: We buy direct from suppliers whenever possible, we bargain hard to get the best price, and then pass the savings on to you. If an item doesn’t pull its weight in our stores, it goes away to gangway for something else. We buy in volume and contract early to get the best prices. Most grocers charge their suppliers fees for putting an item on the shelf. This results in higher prices... so we don’t do it. We keep our costs low—because every penny we save is a penny you save. So, from the get-go, Trader’s has been a different breed. Now, give this current crisis, look what Trader Joe’s does to stand apart from the rest and remain resilient. Have senior shopper early hours (8-9am) every day. The other stores offer it only on specific days…and some for only 30 minutes! As the TJ employees sanitize the carts before giving it to you, they greet every shopper—always smiling, joking and most wearing that casual Hawaiian shirt. This goes on all day long, whether you arrive at 8 am or 5 pm. Create a magic moment. Today it was a man playing a guitar and singing to the folks in line—a sing along. A few days ago, I was gifted with a bouquet of purple tulips. You get the idea. A hallmark of resiliency is being able to reframe an event, to find a way of responding that is more powerful. Trader Joe’s has taken this crisis and found some ways to make small adjustments that—for the time being—offer customers respite. Watch this video to see innovative ways Trader Joe's deal with the current crisis. #TraderJoes #Innovation #Covid-19

Fourteen of my colleagues in the resiliency arena (plus me) bring you a wide variety of strategies to survive and (yes) THRIVE in this current lock down world. In one-on-one interviews with Marty Wilson, you’ll hear: Julie Lewis—widowed at 33 and later a mountain climbing expert-. Adventure teaches what’s really important Daniel Murray—how leaders can practice and use “strategic” empathy to move through crisis Karyn Buxman— a master in the craft of using humor to build resilience and immunity Chris Helder—where resilience and success go hand-in-hand Stacey Copas—the power of life-changing events as a place for amazing growth Diane Sieg- time to abandon unrealistic expectations and reclaim your life Julie Cross—the power of failure to build your resilience muscle Graeme Cowan—how to find the “one thing” that resets your mood Beverly Beuermann-King—discover the rhythm to life to cancel overwork. Martina Jewell—lead under extreme pressure with small wins and momentum Kristin Neff—learn the transformative power of self-compassion Jerome Wade— how to deal with work stress and executive fatigue Catherine DeVrye—the power of hope and help to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones John Hotowka—how leap-frog problem solving drains resilience and how to flip it around Eileen McDargh—how leaders help others become heroes of their story, building internal resilience Collectively, you’re looking at a minimum of $150,000 worth of talent. But, not only do you get us all for a total of $197—but nominate someone else and they get the Summit for FREE! Click here to learn more!

This week, in the Christian tradition, Holy Week begins. While it is a reflection and remembrance of the last days of Christ, I discovered one small passage that I think holds healing and hope for all of us caught in the anxiety and fear of COVID-19. Regardless of background or belief, please consider these words: Rise. Take. Walk. While the context of the gospel story is Christ healing a man at the pool of Bethesda, it is those three words that I think offer guidance for these times. Rise. Get up and out of cowering under the bed covers. Rise above selfishness, greed, fear. Take: Take your talents, your gifts, your compassion, your abundance (which many of us have) and then… Walk: out into the neighborhood, the community, the family, and—at a safe distance—care for those in need. By reaching out to others, you begin to heal yourself. There are small ways to rise, take, and walk. For example, try walking outside and seeing other people. Smile, greet, and touch your heart. Watch how you feel and observe the smile that comes from others. Put your name on a volunteer list and see who needs your help. Rise and call someone who is alone. Take time to listen, share and hopefully laugh. And walk away knowing you both just experienced a burst of endorphins, the brain chemicals which reduce our perception of pain and fear. In these crazy COVID-19 times, remember you can heal yourself and help heal others. Rise. Take. Walk. #HolyWeek #COVID-19 #Pandemic

Hopefully, you've stopped laughing at the concept that indeed, there could be free time for yourself. What will ignite your desire for claiming this precious time is when you gain clarity over just what matters most at this point in your life. Remember, there is the Law of Diminished Return. Specifically, the longer and harder you work, the quality of your output decreases. Exhaustion leads to errors, sloppiness, and a good chance that more time will be spent in “do-overs” Relationships, if left unattended, can be compromised or even fade away. One of the case studies in my book Burnout to Breakthrough: Building Resilience to Refuel, Recharge, and Reclaim What Matter lost his marriage because his wife said he was married to his Blackberry—an Android smart phone. For example: I had dinner the other night in a 40-year-old tiny Italian restaurant. It was Valentine’s Day! Sadly, I watched literally every couple put their attention on a phone screen: texting, reading or emailing. So much for love and romance! Thoreau proclaimed that the first wealth was health. Billions in the bank might create a luxurious lifestyle but it won’t keep your muscles toned, your heart operating at optimum efficiency, or your brain from mental decline. 1. Block out time that you consider “sacred” for yourself. Set a goal as to what you want in that time. What fills your heart, your spirit, your body with energy? Happiness? Dare I even say “joy”? 2. If allowing yourself “me” time is a foreign notion, start small. Could you set aside 15 minutes in the morning to just be quiet? No noise. No newspaper. No talking. No cell phone. Just sit in an upright position and breathe. Picture the kind of day you’d like to have. Itemize all the things for which you are grateful. You might need to get up earlier but it could very well allow your “time” to become more controlled by you! 3. Identify and set a goal for whatever exercise is reasonable. Could you do that exercise at least 3 times a week? Walking? Biking? Running? Swimming? Weights? Yoga? Reward yourself each time you do this. I never exercised until I celebrated my 30th birthday. I decided to buy fun stickers and put them in my day timer whenever I did a form of exercise. It was a small start but how I smiled to open up a page and see stickers. I also protected that time by letting people know, if they wanted to schedule something, that I was already “booked”. I didn’t say the appointment was with myself. No one EVER asked me to cancel it. I took control of that time. 4. Who matters most to you at this time in your life? Are you spending time with them so that—if they vanished tomorrow—you’d have no regrets? It might be a child who wants your uninterrupted attention and time. Or—on the other end of the age spectrum, it could be an aging parent or a spouse. I cared for my Mom in the last six years of her life. Time with her—whether singing, sharing a meal, or reading to her—was precious. No regrets. My husband is considerably older than I. With the passage of time, my work attention has shifted so I can pay better attention and spend time with him. It’s a different life phase! 5. Lastly, in your “me time”, is there something you’d like to learn? To experience? It might be a future goal but researching and starting along that road gives you a sense that YOU are in control of your life. For those of us crafting this thing called “life” and finding free time for me-time could benefit from the wisdom I learned from watching toddlers. It might be well to heed their tiny voices. They tell us: Explore everything. Often. And over again. There’s something missed the first time. Smile and laugh much. Put your arms up when you need help. Can’t do everything alone. Fall asleep when your body says to. Taste everything. You don’t have to like everybody. But you can put up with some of them for a short time. Read books that make you smile and have funny, new words. Cuddle. Trust grownups who care for you even if they make you do things you don’t want to do. Love people who can’t get around like you can. And if all else fails, smile again. You’ll win them over every time. Grinning as I write this last line, I wish all of you a bountiful, blessed, bodacious, beautiful, bigger-than-your-biggest dreams, bursting with vitality 2020. And may we all find a child to guide us. #healing #life

Fr. Richard Hendrick, a Capuchin Franciscan in Ireland , was so moved by news of Italians in lockdown singing, Spaniards applauding health care workers, and neighbors reaching out to bring food to elderly, that he penned a poem. He said of these instances: “Together they reminded me that no matter the restrictions or dangers that this pandemic may bring, it will never touch the human soul and that we always have the opportunity to see beauty, offer compassion and touch the Divine, no matter our circumstances.” Lockdown Yes there is fear. Yes there is isolation. Yes there is panic buying. Yes there is sickness. Yes there is even death. But, They say that in Wuhan after so many years of noise. You can hear the birds again. They say that after just a few weeks of quiet. The sky is no longer thick with fumes. But blue and grey and clear. They say that in the streets of Assisi People are singing to each other across the empty squares, keeping their windows open so that those who are alone may hear the sounds of family around them. They say that a hotel in the West of Ireland Is offering free meals and delivery to the housebound. Today a young woman I know is busy spreading fliers with her number through the neighborhood So that the elders may have someone to call on. Today Churches, Synagogues, Mosques and Temples are preparing to welcome and shelter the homeless, the sick, the weary All over the world people are slowing down and reflecting All over the world people are looking at their neighbors in a new way All over the world people are waking up to a new reality To how big we really are. To how little control we really have. To what really matters. To Love. So we pray and we remember that Yes there is fear. But there does not have to be hate. Yes there is isolation. But there does not have to be loneliness. Yes there is panic buying. But there does not have to be meanness. Yes there is sickness. But there does not have to be disease of the soul Yes there is even death. But there can always be a rebirth of love. Wake to the choices you make as to how to live now. Today, breathe. Listen, behind the factory noises of your panic The birds are singing again The sky is clearing, Spring is coming, And we are always encompassed by Love. Open the windows of your soul And though you may not be able to touch across the empty square, Sing. March 13th 2020 Father Hendrick encourages the sharing of his message. #hope #life #healing

In Part 1, we looked at areas over which you have control of your time. Specifically, we looked at how you control the conversation in your head about what you can do and also what conversations might be necessary to have with others. We also looked at understanding your peak ability times and controlling what activities go into that time block. In Part 2, you seek to gather information so decisions can be made in a methodical manner. 1. Create a time log and monitor the amount of time each activity takes. This is not meant to be a tedious time-in-motion study. Rather, keep a written log (or use a phone app) that notes what time you begin something and when it is completed. What will also become clear is how many times you are interrupted. 2. With the time log, evaluate how long you thought a project would take versus the actual time. Make a note of what or who interrupts you and decide how to eliminate or minimize those distractions. Follow the advice of Cal Newport, professor of computer science from Georgetown University. He advocates eliminating all pop-ups from phone calls, text message, and any application that interrupts. Block out social media sites that pop-up at unwanted times. His book, Digital Minimalism, offers specific ways to control our interruptions in our lives. 3. Tackle the most difficult tasks when you are at your peak time. Break the tasks into 15-30-minute intervals so you can begin to see some forward momentum. 4. Prioritize activities and obligations after you understand the time commitments. If you need to perform tasks that are unfamiliar to you, remember to block out time for learning curves that could be steep. For example, when I traded in my 15 year-old car for a hybrid, I needed time to understand how to drive this piece of machinery which came with many strange sounds, warnings, and abilities. I had to learn how to use the Bluetooth technology, how to get the dashboard panel to read my phone’s map directions and more. In Part 3, we’ll explore just what you want in the precious block called “me time”. #time #timemanagement

I hear the laughter and disdain already: “Free time? Are you kidding?” “Me time? Huh? I don’t even know where “me” is these days! “What planet do you live on? We had a cutback and now I need to be three people!” I got it. The volume of work seems never ending. Family demands don’t stop. Folks are stretched so thin they’re like a rubber band ready to snap. No wonder that burnout is now listed by the World Health Organization as a global occupational hazard. But if YOU don’t take control of what you accept in those 24-hour blocks called a day, your life will vanish before your eyes. Notice that word “accept”. Unless someone is holding a gun to your head, your steady “yes” can be changed to “no, “not now”, or “who else can do this or help me?” I’ll be writing a series of articles about time control—not time management. Control precedes management. You want to find the definitive areas that are in your control first. From that time management actions can start. 1. Control the conversation about where your time goes. For example, there are activities that add no value to your organization or your life. But you haven’t stopped to question: “Why am I doing this?” Ask that question three times, each time with a different emphasis: WHY am I doing this? Is it because someone said so? Is it because no one stopped to question the validity? Is this old programming that can be changed? Why am I doing this? Is this really my “job”? Have I convinced myself that I am the only person who can do this? Have I bought into the notion that “by the time I tell someone how to do this, I could have done it myself.” That last belief can hold you back from helping others grow and possibly discovering a better way. Why am I doing THIS? Does it need to be done now? Can I do only part of it? Does this action I’m doing right now help or hurt me in the future? Could it be that “how” I am doing something is the burden. For example, if only a summary statement is required, why am I creating spreadsheets, a slide deck and footnotes? The conversation and thus control begins within your head and then can move out to teammates, a manager, or your family members. You DO have control. 2. Know what your peak performance time and control is what you put in that time block. For example, I am a morning person. If I try and do a difficult task after 4pm, it will take me much longer, probably be loaded with errors, and leave me exhausted. Rank-order your day into four time slots, from your most to least productive. Control what actions you put where. #time #timemanagement

Make no mistake, COVID-19 is very serious and requires precautions, attention, and vigilance. However, fear and panic run counter to what will help us move through this global threat. Stockpiling toilet paper and water, incessant reading and watching multiple news sources, and staying caught up on social media only serves to underscore the feeling of panic. It reminds me of the time my husband insisted I become licensed to carry mace when I’d walk thru campus at night. There had never been an incident and I walked fearless; until I started carrying the mace. Then, every shadow, noise, or movement struck terror in my heart. In short, my brain now imagined all sorts of horrors. I was no longer able to rationally and literally move forward. Resilience lesson #1: Stop living in the projected future that envisions the worst. Imagined fear paralyzes us. Follow the recommended guidelines for logical preparation and personal care and hygiene. Then, stop. Live in today. Now. It’s the only place of power you have. Resilience lesson #2: Stop feeding your brain with too much information. Find two news outlets (one national and one local) that you trust and let the others go. You do not need to know everything. Be a smart consumer of information. If you are brave, don’t watch television news. Remember that the 24-hour news stations have to fill up the air and pundits pontificate! Let it go. Resilience lesson #3: Action is the antidote for anxiety. Put yourself in gear first. Take a walk outside. Go for a run. Exercise in whatever way gets your heart moving from exertion and not from fear. Try yoga. You can find basic yoga online. Meditation is also an action. Do it first thing in the morning. Insight Timer is a meditation app I use. I sit for 20 minutes while I listen to the sound of the ocean before I get into the day. Resilience lesson #4: See non-work time as a gift. In our 24-7 always-on world, this time-out even if forced upon us can be reframed as an opportunity to do things we never seem to find time for in our hurried lives. When was the last time your family played games and did a jigsaw puzzle together? What about the books you’ve wanted to read, the painting you’d like to do? I’m going to watch YouTube and learn how to refinish my desk. It’s how my granddaughter taught herself to play the ukulele. Growing and learning are positive steps with the gift of time. Resilience lesson #5: Think and act for others. Because action is the antidote for anxiety, consider how you might help others who are more impacted by the virus than you. Right now, parents might not have child care for children sent home from school. Offer your services to help. Nurses and doctors and medical personnel may have their lives in danger. Offer to make a meal and leave it at their door. And speaking of food, sadly numerous children depended upon a hot meal at school as their best (and maybe) only meal of the day. Find out how you might volunteer at a shelter or a soup kitchen. And call people who have been forced into lock down. My dear 90 year-old friend just had her birthday party canceled as no one can go in (or out) of the facility. I’ll be making more regular phone calls to check in and chat. You get the idea. Resilience lesson #6: Be gentle with yourself. It’s ok to worry and feel bad as long as you name the worry and what you can do if anything about it. Is it a rational fear or a product of an overly-active imagination? Help your children understand and validate their fears while teaching them the power of positive perceptions. Remember, Franklin Delano Roosevelt was right when he proclaimed, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” We can do as the British WWII poster insisted, “Keep Calm and Carry on.” Resiliency Resource If you are overwhelmed with the difficulties of life and career then this book was written for you because resiliency is the key to a productive, happy life. Your Resiliency GPS is available in paperback and Kindle at https://www.amazon.com/Your-Resiliency-GPS-Growing-through/dp/0962319058/. #pandemic #resilience #resiliency

There’s a wonderful Stephen Sondheim song, Anyone Can Whistle. It’s the title song from a musical of the same name. The words talk about how the singer can do difficult things—like read Greek, dance the tango, and slay a dragon. However, what is so simple for others is really hard for her: like whistling.The singer has to admit she needs help. Time to fess up. This is where I have been for the last 10 days. After driving my car for 15 years and finally having to admit it was dying, I bought a new car.Getting into the driver’s seat of a Kia Hybrid Niro has sent me back to “kindergarten”. Who would imagine that technology would change so much. I no longer need to insert a key. Just push on the brake pedal and hit a button. It is so quiet that on two occasions, I left it running because I didn’t even know it was on! The manual has QRC codes that when scanned, send me to a video site for an explanation of whatever computer screen I am seeing. Bless Jose Ramirez at Kia in San Juan Capistrano. I went back today for my third “lesson” as to what the different bells, whistles, lights, and adjustments mean. He is the soul of patience as he hefts his rather large body into the passenger seat of my much smaller car. Together we look at the manual and today—a miracle: I discovered that plugging my iPhone into the cars USB drive resulted in a screen that let me play music, see and hear maps, and make phone calls.It’s a miracle!!! I can see some of my readers shaking their heads and muttering, “that poor woman. She’s been living under a rock.” However, perhaps some of you might be remembering some other instances where you needed help with something that everyone else found so easy. The hard part is asking for help. Resiliency—growing through challenge or the opportunity of learning a new car’s mechanisms—might often require swallowing pride and admitting that you are clueless—or at least befuddled by what others seem to find a breeze. Asking is important. And so is patience.Together we can get through this! PS: On rare occasions, I actually sing the song in a keynote. Music is often more powerful than straight verbalization's!

Everyone expects something from you. Your boss wants that project on his desk on Friday. Your husband wants you to pick up the dry cleaning. Your son needs his new pants hemmed before the class picture is taken. You try to cope by taking work home, fitting in a stop at the dry cleaners in between the grocery store and the gas station. You stay up until midnight and then hem those pants before falling into bed only to lay awake worrying about what you left undone. Instead of trying to do it all find out what really needs to be done now and what can be done later or by someone else. For example, maybe your boss only needs part of the project done on Friday and you don't need to take work home. Always ask for clarification when given a deadline. Find out if a project can be delivered in pieces. Drop off your son's new pants at the dry cleaners right after work and pay them extra to do the hemming while you are at the grocery store and the gas station. Go back to the dry cleaners to pick up the pants and the dry cleaning. Better yet, ask for help. Ask your spouse to take on some of the errands or hire someone to do it for you. Have the house cleaned twice a month by a maid service. Say no whenever possible and ask for help as much as you can.

The old English teacher in me LOVES active verbs like “cracking”. It implies that one doesn’t suddenly “crack” the code and voila, the genie flies out of the bottle or the stone rolls away from the treasure. Rather, “cracking” demands constant work: revising, seeking, learning and practicing. And a CODE, as any mystery student knows, means looking for clues in unique places. Move past the first dictionary definition of “leader” and you encounter deeper insights into the different roles that a leader can play. For example, the next definition is that a leader is the conductor of an orchestra. A great conductor knows the players, knows what instruments they play, and can figure out how to pull that orchestra together so the musicians have the same sheet of music and know when it is their turn to take the lead or to play harmony. How great a conductor can you be? Another definition is that a leader is the foremost animal that is harnessed in a team. Don’t we want our leader to be harnessed with us? In the olden days of battle, the leader was the one who took the charge and headed into battle. He didn’t sit back barking orders and drinking brandy and tweeting out comments. But how often do we see people who have the title of “leader” but they let everyone else fight the battles? Can you start cracking the code by taking the lead and/or the “heat” A leader is also defined as a duct for conveying warm air from a furnace. Don’t we want a leader who conveys the warmth of caring. Employees want to know that a leader cares for them, just like the duct that carries warmth. A leader is also an economic indicator. A leader better be in command and know what the economic viability of the enterprise or the project is. Another definition that intrigues me (probably because my husband is a fisherman) is that a leader is a short length of gut or wire by which a hook is attached to a fishing line. And in days gone by, a leader was the blank piece of tape that wound around in an audio cassette until you got to the music! Here’s the correlation: Take the notion of a piece of wire attached to a hook. A fishing leader strengthens the connection between the hook and the rest of the line. Aren’t there times when a leader’s presence helps solidify the relationship between the customer and the product. Certainly, you want the customer or client to be “hooked” into using the product or service. Or at other times, the leader paves the way—just like a leader on an audio cassette tape—for the full presentation to begin. Cracking the code requires being fully present to what the team needs right now. Resilient leaders are adaptable, capable of understanding there are many ways to influence a team. Learning to use these seven different definitions can indeed release a genie of good fortune and an unmatched treasure of purpose, productivity and profit.

Anyone in the audience when I have given my presentation, “Radical Resilience”, knows that I believe action is the antidote for anxiety. Sitting and stewing, muttering and watching storm clouds, or pacing back and forth does nothing. When we begin to take control over even the smallest part of our life, we begin to gain a sense of forward momentum. Consider these five tips—any of which can be started in small steps and increased as time and talent permit. (1) Pitch out what doesn’t add value. Lean is NOT mean. Start with a file drawer, a computer folder, a closet, and yes—even your contact list. Everything that we hold on to that is obsolete, not useful, out-dated takes up physical and emotional space. To let in the new, we’ve got the clear out the old. You might find—as I did—that cleaning up a data base brings “old” client to mind. We had lost touch. I reconnected and have now renewed friendships and/ or a client relationship. You might find great ideas that were not useful then but are very timely now. At the very least—the action of tossing away just lightens the load. (2) Spend wisely. Think of everything in terms of “what will this do for my customer”. Circuit City fired all their seasoned, knowledgeable employees because they were more expensive than new employees. Too bad. Without trained staff to help customers, Circuit City now was just a store with stuff. Ordinary. Common. And now out of business. (3) Follow your values and offer value for what you give. If an action goes against what you value, in the long run the price you pay will be far too high. I am not right for every client. Accepting work for the money rather than for the match will hurt both of us. (4) Talk to your team and your customers. Better still: LISTEN. This is not the same as e-mail. Pick up the phone. Better still, meet face-to-face. Rally troops real time. We don’t feel the human support from a screen or a text message. Ideas can come from anywhere and anyone. (5) Sullyize your workers. OK—I made up this word but perhaps it will catch on. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger was a masterful pilot who trained, and trained, and trained again. You don’t make that kind of landing in a two-minute timeframe without having practiced, and trained. Yet—what do too many organizations do in these times? Cut training!! If you want employees to handle crises, you’ve got to train rigorously. Think customer service skills, leadership skills. clear communication skills. Responses can be second nature if training is diligent.