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There's a global sense of the world being fractured, torn asunder by terrorist, competing interests, religious rivalries, politics and huge economic disparity. But we have our own sphere of influence, where we can impact the lives of those around us: family, business, and community. A cornerstone of impact and the staying power of resiliency is fairness. Please enjoy this post by Frank Sonnenberg as a personal "call to arms" entering a new year. How 'fair" am I? How "fair" are you? 11 Traits of a Fair-Minded Person Fairness affects everything we do. It shapes our judgment, impacts our credibility, affects our ability to trust, and influences our loyalty and motivation. It can bolster or damage a career, strengthen or torpedo a relationship, and advance or ruin a leader's authority. What makes a person fair? Rational. Fair-minded people employ clear and sensible thinking. They examine both sides of an issue before forming an opinion. Fair-minded people make decisions based on hard evidence and reason rather than emotion; they know the whole story rather than just some of the facts. Objective. Fair-minded people make impartial judgments, free from personal bias. They disclose any bias before offering an opinion. Open-minded. Fair-minded people are tolerant and non-discriminating, accepting of the views of others. Fair-minded people are true to their own beliefs without forcing them on others. As Oscar Wilde said, "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." Reasonable. Fair-minded people challenge others by setting high, yet realistic, expectations. They ask of others only what they're willing to do themselves. Furthermore, fair-minded people pay a fair day's wage for an honest day's work. Even-handed. Fair-minded people give everyone an equal opportunity to succeed devoid of favoritism. They treat bosses and subordinates with the same level of respect. Furthermore, fair-minded people discourage any real or perceived favoritism that may result from conducting business with friends or acquaintances. Sound judgment. Fair-minded people reward folks based on the value they provide rather than on the basis of subjective assessment. Rule abiding. Fair-minded people follow the spirit as well as the letter of the law. They do what's right rather than what's politically expedient. Fair-minded people never twist rules for personal gain. Contributor. Fair-minded people make a concerted effort to pull their own weight rather than living off the hard work of others. They "get in the game" rather than criticizing from the sidelines. Deserving. Fair-minded people do not request special favors or accept unearned rewards. Furthermore, fair-minded people wait their turn in line rather than pushing their way to the front. Sound leadership. Fair-minded people earn the respect of their colleagues through their expertise, personal integrity, and ability to foster trust rather than demanding it. When fair-minded people are in positions of power, they "do right" by people and go out of their way to serve as exemplary role models. Furthermore, fair-minded people create a win-win environment. They discourage situations in which people outmaneuver one another to gain the upper hand. They avoid zero-sum games in which one-person's win translates into another person's loss. Selfless. Fair-minded people are empathetic, willing to walk in another person's shoes before making a judgment. Furthermore, as fair-minded people climb the ladder of success, they lift up others and are genuinely happy for their success. This is adapted from Follow Your Conscience: Make a Difference in Your Life & in the Lives of Others By Frank Sonnenberg © 2014 Frank Sonnenberg. All rights reserved.

You just received the letter from Anthem Blue Cross. The opening line:  "We'd like to thank you for choosing Anthem Blue Cross. We value the trust you have placed in us." Ok. You have that last sentence? Now, you go ahead and read that your monthly premium will be going up starting March. No explanation. Nada. Nothing. Zippo. You call the "customer service" number. What a surprise: the representative reads the same letter and has been given no explanation either!!! You are told it could be your birthday (which was 6 months ago), the government (a likely foil), or your geography. The poor customer service rep has been given no clue. And you are left feeling _____ (fill in the blanks). The arrogance to use the word "trust" is beyond belief. How can you trust someone who reaches in your pocket and pulls out money with no explanation. To be sure, it's a small amount. Yet, I believe if leadership can't handle small things, what faith do I have they can handle big things? PS: Google the salaries of CEO Anthem Blue Cross (the merger with WellPoint). A slippery slope indeed.  Trust? Bah. Humbug.

I am at my annual retreat center nestled at the foothills of the mountains behind Santa Barbara, CA. I come every January to spend a few days in silence, reflecting on the year that has gone but more importantly, creating intentions for what I want to bring into the New Year. My ritual for the last 17 years (save the two years when mountain lions were roaming) is to get up early the first morning and hike to the top of the ridge line. It’s steep, rugged, rock-strewn, and treacherous in spots. Once the trail moves away from the San Ysidro Creek, switchbacks increase in length and severity. Alas, I forgot my hiking poles. But I trust I can still do the almost 10-mile round trip. Trust, Intention. Imagine my delight when I spy the trail marker, wrapped in a red Christmas ribbon. And what is leaning against the upright beam? A tree branch, just perfect as a walking stick. I pick it up, pretending I am the female version of Gandalf, the wizard of Hobbit fame. Wow. TRUST!* As I wrote in my last post, intentions open the door for multiple ways to be accomplished. Last year, my intention was to find a vehicle for presenting my ideas on resiliency to the world. The result, officially launching next week, is my newest book, Your Resiliency GPS. Had you asked my a year ago if I would have a book, the answer would have been, “I don’t know”. However, I trusted that the right vehicle would emerge. This year, my intention is to play bigger in a world of possibilities for a world of difference. Not quite sure what that look like but as I explore options, I trust answers will be forthcoming. What are your intentions. You can trust me to help you if I can. *PS I put the walking stick back when I came down the mountain. Someone else might have the same intention and no hiking poles.

Now into officially winter and the holiday season, you might have noticed that some folks are - well - grumpy. Seems like they are stressed over, well, little things. Makes it rather hard to be around. If you are the person people hide from, try taking this season as a challenge to lighten up even if the dinner tables might load you down. Look for humor—like this sign. Of course, if you have no dog, you might think it's Uncle Elmer again who has helped himself to too much eggnog. Or listen to the 5 year old who proclaims she wants to be a German Shepherd. Or the sign in the local restaurant: “Good food takes time to prepare. Yours will be ready in a minute.” Or—share this Holiday Video of how 13 dogs and one cat would feast this month. Might remind you of other relatives you know! Don’t forget, if you laugh while drinking milk—it comes out your nose. Merry Merry… Happy Happy. Blessings Blessing. We’ll be dark until the new year.

It is Mark Scharenbroich, CSP, CPAE's fault.  Blame him for a simple idea as to how we can build a better world. It started probably five years ago when I brought my 91-year-old, starting-to-get-Alzheimer’s mom out from Florida to live with me in California. Getting out of Ft. Lauderdale, thru security with multiple questions about metal pieces and medicines, was a breeze. I had the random body scan but he y- who cares when I am bringing Mom home to be with me! Of course, we traveled coach. Any meals were non-existent but Mom was a trooper. She settled for peanuts and Coke. However, six hours later when Bill met us at the airport, Mom was not too happy. This was not a better world for her.  She was plain hungry. But Bill brought my mail so I could go over it on the drive home. Voila! There was a holiday greeting from Mark and Susan! I have no idea what the message was but in the gold box of significant size nestled the map of Minnesota in dark chocolate. Dark chocolate! Anti-oxidant. Better than snuff. I broke off a piece and before we were out of the parking lot, Mom had consumed Gran Marais and was headed for Duluth. She crunched into Bemidji by the time we got to the second exit and when we arrived home, Minneapolis/St.Paul showed dark and happy from her teeth. Mankato was destined for oblivion unless I could distract her. Which brings me to now. Mom has taken her chocolate map of Minnesota to heaven and I am left to wondering the very question this column poses: how do we create a better world? Mark has since changed his strategy. It’s all about the “nice bike” with the Harley logo. Huh! Doesn’t stop me. Bikers beware! I just ate a fender and am bound and determined to demolish a rear tire before the weekend. Yes —mostly dark chocolate. (Are you reading Mark—I want ALL dark chocolate!) Yet, it all gives me a moment to ponder the commonalities and common courtesies of this world. What WOULD it take to build a better world? What if we looked at what we had in common rather than what divided us? Silly as it sounds, dark chocolate might be one of those common denominators. What would it take if we took a moment to say “thank you” to people who made a difference in our lives—not because they sent us a paycheck but because their interest, kindness, attention, or advice made us sit a little taller, see a little clearer, hear a little better. What would it be if we stopped thinking about ourselves and instead asked what would feed the souls of the people in our audience, the readers of our books, the subscribers of our tele-seminars? Feed the souls. That is far different from teaching a skill set or learning a routine response to a customer query. It is a luscious as dark chocolate and as fleeting a breath. But in that moment, might sit eternity.

I bought a Santa hat yesterday. It was the only one I could find. Embroidered across the white fur base were the words, "Humbug!" It made me realize that we can make the end of this year either a humbug or a HUGbug. It depends upon how we chose to respond to: Wrapping last minute presents and waiting in long postal lines. Over-extended bank accounts and under-appreciated gifts. The dilemma of feeding a panoply of folks with differing claims of vegan, gluten-intolerant, lactose allergy, low salt, pure carnivore, and anything else in between. Heavy work loads with last minute demands for year end results. On and on and on. You create your own scenario. You know the drill! In the process you become anxious, short-tempered, curt, and probably take out your tension on those closest to you. Here are three pieces of advice for keep your energy up and your relationships strong: STOP. As soon as you realize you're going over the edge, literally stop. Take a deep breath. Walk away and then return. STOP saying yes to every request. In fact, the grace of "no" or "not now" can carry great authority. Everything we are asked to do is like a 3-legged stool: time, outcome, and resources to do the work. One of these is often negotiable. Negotiate. You don't ask, you won't get. STOP trying the rescue the world. Know who you can legitimately help and who puts everyone else's teeth on edge. There is no law that says Uncle Elmer with the drinking problem MUST be at the dinner table. There is no law that says the tedious friend who drives everyone crazy with a million questions has to spend ALL day at the house. Three other pieces of advice: START asking what is most important and who matters the most. No one will remember if you forgot the cranberry sauce or forgot to light the last Hanukkah candle. What we do remember is how we feel in the moment. START every day thinking of at least 3 things for which you are grateful. Best way: write them down. Every day. Maybe as soon as you get out of bed. START giving hugs-either the real ones or the verbal ones that let people know you appreciate them. Whether the store clerk or your best beloved, warm responses fill the heart and the home with a radiant energy of love. Can you add to this list? Let me know what you want to stop. What do you want to start?

As we enter this Thanksgiving Holiday, I am so grateful for all the authors who toil over their words to offer up everything from imaginative stories to lessons for work and life. In particular, I believe we’re at a tipping point when it comes to needing wise leaders who can take a long view, develop talent, and consider people, profits and the planet! I am thankful that I can introduce you to just such an author. With candor, wisdom, and simplicity, Bill Treasurer opens his tool box of experience and his personal journey to give readers a clear path toward effective leadership in his newest book, Leaders Open Doors. The premise of “open doors” strikes me as such a clear explanation of what divides positional leaders from those who actually help others achieve their own potential. In short, these leaders are opportunity makers! Treasurer delves into the value of “second chances” as a learning platform. He offers concrete actions that result from a series of reflective questions. And, blessed detail, the book is short: 123 pages. No excuses then for “not enough time to read.” True wisdom is dispelled in few words. This is one wise book. PS: One hundred percent of the proceeds go to organizations helping special needs children. Bill has a deaf daughter with cerebral palsy and he is grateful for all who support this very special cause.

Consider these facts: All change—even self-selected change involves loss and therefore some pain. A carrot/stick approach rarely works in the long run. Gentle persuasion doesn’t engage someone. People don’t like to feel persuaded! Focused attention - over time - reshapes the patterns of the brain. Thus, for any change to “stick”, an action (and attention) needs to be concentrated and continual. The brain has, in fact, neuro-plasticity. It can be re-shaped but only with focused attention over time. People’s expectations shape their reality. To reshape expectations, people need an event or an experience that provokes them to internally change their mental model. It’s an inside out approach. That’s why we talk about employees “owning” any kind of change initiative. The “insights” about change must come from them—not directed from above. So what to do: Reframe the situation. Look at what is possible and positive. Leave problem behaviors in one’s memory bank. Instead, focus on solutions that are facilitated so the individual develops personal insights rather than being given advice. And then systematically, religiously, keep talking about solutions and actions. The ball will begin to move.

Two years ago, my sister and I stood in the theater at Arlington Cemetery for the premier of the documentary “We Served Too - The Women’s Air force Service Pilots of WWII." It was a moving experience, made even more so by the view of so many who died for us. But if I could stand and speak to the nation from the briefing room at the Pentagon (as I did in this mock press conference), here is what I would say: While we wave flags, buy red poppies, and march in parades today, there is a grave matter that should shame us all. Today, more men and women have died or been horribly wounded—physically and/or mentally by engaging in the longest wars our nation has fought. And yet, unemployment is rampant for our veterans (25% for those ages 18-24). Food insecurity and lack of housing is a reality. Families have been ripped apart. And our VA medical services require huge repair. It is beyond pathetic. Where is the outrage? Our voices are silent when only 30% of registered voters cast ballots in this last election… Only 30 % on behalf of the values and democracy that these men and women have fought to protect and advance. It is beyond pathetic. I’ve heard the arguments for remaining away: “Only money matters now.” “Powerful lobbies have bought the politicians.” “My vote won’t make a difference.” There’s a part of me that shakes my head in agreement and yet… and yet… Our nation can’t continue this road of apathy. Without carefully standing at a voting booth, there is no chance for creating a nation that works for all. Our veterans deserve protection and assistance with more than words and bugle blares. Today, make a resolve to let your voice be heard. The citizens of countries around the world are dying for the one right that we have and yet 70% refused to use: the power of a vote

King Henry was thought to be a great leader at the beginning of his reign but he made a series of horrid mistakes that eroded the trust of his people and his court. Does this sound like some of our politicians and now disgraced corporate CEO’s? You decide! Henry did not honor his commitments. He made promises to wives, his privy council and high ranking people in his court and then ignored them. At times he would banish someone from court simply to avoid keeping his promises. Henry surrounded himself with advisers who came and went through the years. His modus operandi was often to respond in three ways: ignore the advice, send the advisor to the Tower of London for beheading, or select the wrong people to listen to. Henry distanced himself from his public. His first wife Catherine was beloved by the English people. Her public approval drove Henry mad, making a divorce possible by only the most devious of means. He ignored the needs of his people and only worked to satisfy his own needs. Henry didn’t take responsibility for his mistakes. When a marriage failed he always blamed the woman or the advisors who suggested her as a marital candidate. He destroyed a church to marry Anne Boleyn. When he tired of that marriage, he claimed that Anne was a witch who put him under a spell, thus causing his bad judgment. Wonder what Eliot Spitzer’s excuse was? Not only did Henry VIII behave as a spoiled, petulant child, but his ego-driven decisions almost destroyed the finances of his kingdom. Ummm. How does your “kingdom” look these days? Are decisions made for personal gain or for long-term responsibility to those served? So check your ego at the door and do the opposite of Henry. Only make commitments you can keep. If mitigating circumstances arise that impact those commitments, communicate honestly and tell your employees why. Perhaps you can honor your promises in increments if some factor is keeping you from honoring the promise in full. Ask for advice and listen. Don’t fire or banish someone to the file room because their advice does not please you. Talk to down line employees to get their on-the-ground report. They might have an insight that eludes even the most highly paid manager on your team. Take responsibility for your decisions and actions. Learn to say “I’m sorry” and mean it. No one expects company leaders to be perfect but they do expect them to be honest. If there’s pain in the mistake, the leader should bear the most. How slow we are to learn from the life of a man who continues to be portrayed in books, plays and television shows. We’re seeing too many modern day “Henry’s”–of both genders—in corporate and governmental arenas. Maybe we should reverse King Henry’s actions and declare, “Off with their heads!”

Turnaround your negative work environment by taking steps to be more positive. You can start by having clear expectations of employees and by having leaders who take an interest in their staff. If you really want to get employees excited about coming to work everyday then you'll have to go a bit farther. Try some of these fun ideas: Have lunch catered for the entire staff and have it served to employees by management. Celebrate Halloween in February and encourage staff to wear costumes. Give out prizes and candy. Have a contest each month where the winner will have dinner with their boss. Make promotions special by inviting the office to celebrate with food and fun.Have an afternoon tea once a month with teas from around the world and pastries. Hire a face painter to paint management and staff faces and take pictures for the company bulletin board. Have a wine and cheese reception with staff and customers. Create a gallery of staff baby photos and have a contest to guess who's who. All it takes to make work more fun is some creativity, time and the realization that happy employees equal happy customers.

It’s a question I started asking myself every time I realized I had not written an article, a blog post, or a Tweet. After all – without putting material in the social media pipeline, how are we to get noticed? How am I suppose to growing my business if I am not “out there” all the time? Procrastinate means to put off something that is either too difficult, too boring, too onerous. Percolate, however, means to simmer, to stew in one’s juice until the “thought coffee” is ready to be poured. I’d like to think I do the latter. I don’t hesitate to write. I hesitate to put something out into the digital universe if it does not educate, inform, or entertain in a meaningful way. I read posts on Facebook and marvel that people think we actually care about the picture of dessert or the emotional state of the dog. I don’t believe there’s value in tweeting about the agonies of airplane travel, the standing ovation one received, or the five star sleeping accommodations. What I’d really love to know, from my readers, is what provides THE MOST value to you? What do you want to read about? What in my universe has relevance and holds interest to you. If I knew that, I could brew up a pot that WOULD be worth “drinking”