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From the U.S. Army Twitter Stream:  “When bad things happen through hardships, we make a conscious decision to either be resilient or give up.” What can you do to be more resilient?

Most search engines would have you believe it is the simple ability to display good coping skills during difficult times.  Resilience goes much deeper than that.  For some people, resilience is almost always an easy thing.  Knock them down and they pop right up again.  For others, it's not so simple.  They struggle and their lack of resilience can cause emotional and physical symptoms.  To go deeper into understanding resilience you must examine the psychology involved.  To learn more read the article "Psychological Resilience" at Wikipedia.

Just came back from Oregon, celebrating the 16th birthday of my first-born granddaughter. She's 5'10" and  gorgeous, inside and out. Sweet. Kind. Smart.  But it will take everything we have to help her stay that way. The portrayal of women in the media has become more violent, sexual, degrading, and dehumanizing in the last few years.  If you doubt it, please watch the trailer for the film, Miss Representation.  It has earned many awards and is now the focal point of a national movement to stop sexism and violence against women. THEN do something!!!  Here's what Jennifer Siebel Newsom, director of Miss Representation suggests: 1. Tell 5 people about the film and share one thing you learned from watching it. 2. Parents:  watch TV and films with your children.  Raise questions like “What if that character had been a girl instead?” 3. Remember your actions influence others. Mothers, aunts and loved ones—don’t downgrade or judge yourself by your looks. Fathers, uncles and loved ones—treat women around you with respect. Remember children in your life are watching and learning from you. 4. Use your consumer power. Stop buying tabloid magazines and watching shows that degrade women. Go see movies that are written and directed by women (especially on opening weekend to boost the box office ratings). Avoid products that resort to sexism in their advertising. 5. Mentor others! It’s as easy as taking a young woman to lunch. Start by having open and honest conversations with a young person in your life. Here are my suggestions: Use Twitter and blog posts to raise awareness about ad campaigns , news images, and films that use women (or men for that matter) in dehumanizing, violent and sexual ways. Stop buying the products of companies that support such campaigns. And let them know WHY you are not buying it! My precious granddaughters (all three) and I will thank you.

“Please continue to hold. A baggage agent will be with you shortly.” Stop already!!!! I am tired of listening to Rhapsody in Blue. I want a human being. And I do NOT want baggage claim. I am trying to find my glasses left in a “United Club” yesterday. Forget it. I have gotten through 2 hours of on-hold with what had been the “Red Carpet Club”, then sent to busy signals at San Fran Airport and now, I am told lost-and-found is my answer.  Alas, this number I am given goes NOT to lost-and-found but Baggage Claim. AAAARGH. I do not want to talk to Avatar Alex!!!! I am so angry I could do serious damage to another human being. My husband better lay low. How can so many people have so many pieces of wrong information? At one time, I had close to one million miles on United. Not any more. They cancelled so many flights from Orange Coast to the East Coast I could no longer use them. Now, their fares are so much higher than other carriers, I can’t ask my clients to pay for it. This last insult is not being able to speak to a human being. Is this what mergers mean? Oh yes, they changed my Mileage Plus number that I have probably held for 20 years into some numerical/alpha thing . They have NOT sent out anything such as a card to remember this new “number “. Another stanza of Rhapsody in Blue. Saints preserve us!!! If you are as angry as I am about not getting to the right people, in a timely manner, and with companies (carriers) who haven’t figured out how to matter to their clients, WRITE!!! Can we start a ground swell.???? !!!!!!!!!

For 15 long days, Mom refused food and water, shrinking her already tiny self into maybe a scant 80 pounds. Whatever energy she had left, when she wasn’t sleeping, was reserved to nod yes and no to questions and mouth the words, “I love you too.”  Kneeling beside her bed, with my face close to hers, I told her again, “I love you.” “I love you too,” Mom whispered. “I love you three and four,” I responded, watching a smile and small chuckle wash over her face. It was the last smile I would see. But even if she slipped the surly bonds of earth and crossed the sky on rainbow-colored wings, she made sure that her messages of comfort would continue… unexplainable messages that I quietly offer to all of us who believe life is indeed a continuum. Throughout her last days and nights, I’d give her tiny kisses pressed in her sunken cheek or across her now unlined forehead. “Butterfly kisses, Mamacita.  Get rid of this cocoon. Go fly. You’re a butterfly among all the flowers of heaven. Indeed, flying was Mom’s passion from her days as a WWII Women’s Air Force Service Pilot-WASP. The morning Mom died, I stepped outside Aegis Assisted Living to answer my cell phone. Talking to my assistant Bonnie, I suddenly glanced up.  A gorgeous Monarch butterfly was practicing touch-and-go landings on the flowers! “Bonnie, a butterfly!” She quickly responded. “The native Americans believed that the butterfly is a sign from a soul.  Now watch for coins at your feet.” I never understood the significance of coins but then again, I had never heard about the butterfly. Later that day, when we’ve cleaned out her room, my twin brother and I finally go home, numb and heavy hearted yet grateful for our Mom’s amazing life and love for us. We want nothing more than to walk down to the beach in the brilliant California sunshine. As we near the bluff top overlooking the Pacific, my eyes sweep downward:  a quarter!  I’ve walked this path for 32 years and never seen even a penny. “John, look!”  I held the quarter up to the sky and said, “Ok, Mama—how about two whales?” Yes, my friends. Just as John and I reached the bluff to gaze across this expanse of blue, two gray whales spouted on their journey south to San Ignacio Lagoon in the Baja..  While it is the season for migrating whales, it has been years since I have seen any during my constant beach runs. Mom started off my January reminding me that life is nothing if not a daring adventure. ***  Now, she tells me to pay attention, to watch with eyes of wonder and mystery. L’Chaim. To life.

If employee retention has recently become a problem do something more than exit interviews with those that leave.  Gather your long-term employees and interview them.  Find out why they've stayed.  Look for tangible and intangible reasons.  In addition to finding out what benefits are the most enticing you'll want to ask about their feelings.  You might find out that policies that changed over the years but where grandfathered for more senior employees are the reason why those people stayed and new employees left.  You'll never know what made the difference unless you ask.

Women are the way forward. Finally, beginning today - Feb 1- some of the most powerful companies in the U.S (Coca-Cola, Accenture, and others) are signing a worldwide pledge to bring women into the economic mainstream. And not a second too soon. They are finally beginning to understand what development experts have known all along: women are more likely than men to put their income back into their communities, drive up literacy, drive down mortality, and ultimately, raise GDP. Recently Walmart has pledged more than $20 billion to source women-owned companies in the U.S. and Coca Cola has since announced a similar program to support 5 million women entrepreneurs globally by 2020. Question though: why must women start their own businesses to flourish? When will U.S. businesses also grasp what a recent Catalyst survey shows: a strong correlation between gender diversity in leadership ranks results in better economic performance for the company.

Dr. Steve Frisch, Psy.D. has written an article "How To Cope With Change".  He shares many of my views and a particular quote I liked is "We create comfort in our lives by striking a balance between all the things that pull and tug at our time and attention. A fancy word for this balance is homeostasis. And, as you no doubt experience from time to time, change upsets the apple cart by disrupting the careful balance of consistency and predictability that you’ve struck in your life." Change can be disruptive at best and life changing at worst.  If you need help coping with change you might find the article by Dr. Frisch helpful.

I am on retreat at my wonderful spiritual center that crouches at the base of a mountain range towering over Montecito, CA and the distant Channel Islands. Every year, I make a self-pilgrimage to the top of El Cielo. It's a 4.3 mile hike from the center to the ridge line. This is my 16th year to begin my silence with this hike.  In 1996 I started the hike because I was terrified to do it. Now I do it to prove to myself that I still can! Each year, it offers new challenges. The first hour is beside San Ysidro creek, the path stays pretty wide and the walk uphill has few boulders. But it's cool under the shelter of coastal oaks. However, turn away from the creek and the trail narrows into steep switchbacks. This has to be the hottest January on record. A blazing sun sears my jeans and jean shirt. I yearn for shorts and a lighter weight top. My legs feel heavier with each steps. My head pounds. What lessons will the mountain offer today? I come away with three: 1. To reach any goal, it always takes longer than you think it should. I swear each year they move the mountain top. My pace is better than in early years but my legs ache. But I am determined to reach the top.  Just like I am determined to write the next book, to create new programs, to clean my office. You know the drill. I must build in extra time because it will always take longer. 2. Most people turn back when the "heat" is on. I realize that the only people I encounter are stopped at the upper most waterfall that because of a pitiful rainy season, is nothing more than a trickle. They miss the panorama of a Pacific ocean, flat and glassy, the Santa Barbara skyline and Ventura to the South. I was not prepared for the heat. There's a lesson right there! 3. Keep your eye on the right mountain. I almost turn back. I am so hot and aching. The ridge line seems so far away. Two more switchbacks and I realize I have been staring at the wrong peak.  Might be someone else's goal but it is not mine. Wow. Where am I trying to climb someone else's mountain and not mine? So now, showered and tired, I will allow myself the luxury of a nap. A reward. What will you do to reward yourself this year when you climb your mountain?

When gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people don't feel safe and valued at work, productivity goes down, and organizations fail in their efforts to attract and retain the best and brightest talent. Many organizations realize this, and have created clear policies on the issues. But in order for the climate to change, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people need allies to speak up. This is a very thoughtful, balanced resource that merits much attention…  an important film on an issue so few of us understand how to address in the work environment. It is one thing to have a skill set in referencing and working with race or religion. It is quite another challenge to talk about gender and sexual orientation. I have an obvious personal motivation to be an ally: my twin brother is a gay man. I also know two more things from knowing him. The first is that sexual orientation like gender orientation is not a “preference” or choice. The second is that my brother has been a compassionate, effective and even beloved scholar-teacher at the university where he works – but only because he has been fortunate to find the allies in his work community that have supported him in being wholly himself. My professional motivation in commending Brian McNaught’s film is that I recognize, despite my personal commitment, I know that I have a lot to learn about how to be a skillful and effective ally. This film would be helpful to any one who wants to help create a work environment where every employee can flourish because they do not have to expend the energy trying to maintain a firewall between their family/personal lives and their professional lives. These are things that those of us who are heterosexual simply do not have to worry about. Look at this video. Celebrate what everyone, when respected, can bring to your world. Here’s the link:  Anyone Can Be An Ally

At 5am this morning, I listen to a colleague’s recording while I spray water on pillowcases. The hot steam presses out wrinkles. The cases crisp up and soften. I grab for the top sheet and iron three-quarters of it. Who cares where it tucks into the bottom of the bed. I then start on the dishtowels. At last comes my white shirt. The seams lay flat now. The collar perks up with sizing. Sometimes, the greater part of valor is action that lets you breathe. slow down. See results. Ironing does that for me. When the news shrieks disaster and doom and politicians refuse to do anything that hurts their re-election status, we stand dumbfounded, helpless, and furious. That’s when I iron. I see results. I think. I also remember how Mom taught me to iron: first on Dad’s handkerchiefs and then pillowcases. The iron was heavy and the ironing board made of wood. I graduated to shirts, learning you started with the placket at the back, then the collar, then the body and finally the sleeves. Inevitably, somewhere along the line, I’d also wind up with a couple burns. I’ll bet few, if any, children today are taught to iron. Heck, their parents probably don’t even own one or if they do, it is tucked away in that secret utility room closet. Pity. What do you think?

The first 3 Factors were consistent values, long-term focus, and local leadership. The last 4 factors are: 4. Continuous Communications. People often tend to communicate less during bad times when they need communication even more. This company increased its efforts to communicate and share important information. If there was no good news to share, they would share the reality of their current situation. 5. Collaboration. Groups made significant improvements around sharing resources and working together. This reduced costs and increased efficiency. 6. Opportunities for Development. Because the pace of work was a bit slower people had the opportunity to learn new skills and develop capabilities. This organization took advantage of this time by challenging their employees with stretch job assignments. There was also an increase in formal training. 7. Agility and Speed. With less budget everyone clearly saw the need to move quickly and take advantage of opportunities in the market place. Speed of decision was emphasized. In some organizations people assume that bad times equal lower satisfaction of employees. It’s not true. The organization described above made significant gains in employee satisfaction and commitment during one of the worst financial times by doing the right things. This improved attitude of their workforce and helped create substantial financial momentum.  Many organizations wait until there is a turn around to measure the satisfaction of their employees; they are missing an incredible opportunity. By assessing now, they can build on those opinions and make changes to help them capitalize on better financial times. By asking for opinions now, employees assume that their employer is not just asking for what they want to hear but rather asking for what they need to hear. Joe Folkman is the co-founder and President of Zenger Folkman, a leadership development firm focused on building strengths of individuals, teams, and organizations.