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The criticism flies fast and furious over Sheryl Sandberg’s new book. She has started Lean In Groups for the purpose of helping women learn from each other. It’s an amazing site with interviews, how to create groups and more. I’d like to “tweak it”. I think there also needs to be Bring In Groups as part of the conversation. Specifically, bring in as many senior men into the conversation so that together we can look at how to craft workplaces that support meaningful career/life practices. This is not an either/or time. This is a time for both/and. All of us have a choice to stand up, lean in, and speak out for what we want to bring to the “party”. At the same time, senior leaders in the organization have an opportunity to explore just what are the unwritten and written “rules of the road” that might be re-examined so that all employees can bloom where they are planted—without uprooting the rest of their lives.

For all my years in working with women’s leadership issues, I am astounded at the criticism directed at Sheryl Sandberg, COO Facebook, with today’s release of her new book, LEAN IN. Yes, she’s in the rarefied air of Silicon Valley –but she has EARNED that right by her work, by brains, and by speaking out in a way she could be heard. You don’t read criticism of men who write leadership books full of advice and who also had the “same privilege”. She raises issues that point a sharp finger at the male-bastion in senior leadership AND she also gives some pretty pointed advice about what women who want to move into those spots must ALSO do. This is not an either /or book of advice. I find it a both/and discourse. What I’d rather hear are women supporting each other. What I’d rather hear is how women and men can give each other guidance on how to address work/life integration issues so that all sexes—with and without children—can have a full life. What I’d rather hear is advice on how women can speak up and be heard.

A recent The New York Times article entitled, “It Takes a B.A. To Find A Job As A File Clerk” focuses on an Atlanta law firm that requires every employee – including the in-house courier making $10/hour – to have a bachelor’s degree.  The firm’s managing partner said that this requirement shows that every employee has made “a commitment” to their future and not just a paycheck. The comment section was closed otherwise I would have responded with a resounding, “NOT SO!” I just returned from addressing the Association of California Community College Administrators (ACCA) and walked away even more convinced in the validity of community colleges.  To be sure, community colleges serve as feeders for transferring students to four-year colleges.  Just as vital, however, is the role these schools play in creating sharp, career-focused professionals in certificate programs for health-related fields, technology, agriculture, manufacturing and more. What an arrogant law firm to think that ONLY BA students are committed. Where would our workforce be without the men and women who become our firefighters, police officers, skilled technicians, and computer programmers? In California, 80% of veterans are enrolled to increase their skills for employment in a world very different from the battlefields.  Are they “less committed”? Community colleges develop workers who are trained in solar, wind, alternative fuels, alternative transportation and biotech. Seventy percent of the nurses in California are trained in community colleges. Bill Gates did not need a BA. I would call him “committed”. So are the majority of students who look to community colleges to help them succeed. Last word: Support your community colleges. They are the keystone between high school and entering the adult world as productive, committed citizens. PS: Wonder if that Atlanta law firm would like to PAY for every employee to get a BA. Might take some of the hot air out of their hiring practices.

The first time my twin brother John, a professor at Boston College, saw Dick Hoyt and his son Rick in the Boston Marathon many years ago, he burst into tears.   As John now relates, “What a parable of faithfulness and devotion and freedom. Both of them.  They began competing in marathons when Rick was 15 years  old.  He is now 51.” I share the following notice because of the power of the story. And, who knows, perhaps some of my readers will be in Boston this Monday, Feb 18 and want to come out to the Boston College campus. Team Hoyt is an inspirational story of a father, Dick Hoyt, and his son, Rick, who compete together in marathons and triathlons across the country. Rick was born in 1962 to Dick and Judy Hoyt. As a result of oxygen deprivation to Rick's brain at the time of his birth, Rick was diagnosed as a spastic quadriplegic with cerebral palsy. Dick and Judy were advised to institutionalize Rick because there was no chance of him recovering, and little hope for Rick to live a "normal" life. This was just the beginning of Dick and Judy's quest for Rick's inclusion in community, sports, education and one day, the workplace. In the spring of 1977, Rick told his father that he wanted to participate in a 5-mile benefit run for a Lacrosse player who had been paralyzed in an accident. Far from being a long-distance runner, Dick agreed to push Rick in his wheelchair and they finished all 5 miles, coming in next to last. That night, Rick told his father, "Dad, when I'm running, it feels like I'm not handicapped." This realization was just the beginning of what would become over 1,000 races completed, including marathons, duathlons and triathlons (6 of them being Ironman competitions). Also adding to their list of achievements, Dick and Rick biked and ran across the U.S. in 1992, completing a full 3,735 miles in 45 days. The 2009 Boston Marathon was officially Team Hoyt's 1000th race. In 1975, at the age of 13, Rick was finally admitted into public school. After high school, Rick attended Boston University, and he graduated with a degree in Special Education in 1993. Dick retired in 1995 as a Lt. Colonel from the Air National Guard, after serving his country for 37 years.

Companies shouldn't aim for a single "perfect strategy" but instead develop and sustain the ability to create strategies that respond to the constantly changing business environment, writes former Procter & Gamble chief A.G. Lafley and Toronto B-school dean Roger Martin. "There simply is no one perfect strategy that will last for all time," they argue. "That's why building up strategic thinking capability ... is so vital." This article appeared in the Toronto GLOBE & MAIL and summarizes what I believe is resilient dynamism. The ability to constantly be scanning the horizon, willing to be agile in response and direction is critical to surviving in a constantly changing marketplace. Now if only we could get the government to take the shackles off  various departments and allow them to create  new strategies that are nimble. Sigh. If wishes were gold… I’d be a millionaire.

Today is the one-year anniversary that my twin brother, my sister and I surrounded our almost 96 year-old Mom and loved her on her final solo flight "home". Can't help but think about the lessons she handed us some of which are only understood in hindsight. They are all related to resiliency to growing through challenge or opportunity. Here are but a few: Traditions can be broken. Mom was one of three women in med school at Temple University when she graduated in 1937. Caring for people was her passion. Caring for her country was even greater. Mama was one of the 10730 Women Air Force Service Pilots who collectively flew over 60 million miles of domestic wartime duty in WWII, forty years later, these non-traditional women were finally honored with the Congressional Gold Medal by a country that almost forgot them. "No" does not mean "NEVER". Although Mom and her fellow pilots were not permitted to become active duty military as promised, they kept the faith. Many of them became instructors, commercial pilots, and flight nurses. Because they HELD FAST to their belief that women could perform this duty, they paved the way for today's women in the cockpits of military planes. .. women like Lt. Col Nicole Malachowski, the first female Thunderbird pilot. Life itself can be the greatest adventure. Mom didn't seek fame or fortune but she could make any activity into an adventure. Whether sampling new food, going by herself to Italy (ok there were people on the tour but she didn't know them), or watching waves roll onto the beach, she never failed to express delight at the ordinary and extraordinary. Sometimes resiliency is found in realizing the very precious nature of a single moment. In the last few years, we called her "YoYoMa" because her physical and mental health went up and down like that toy. On December 31, 2011 for about 2 hours, our caregivers had her up and ready for 2012. Even with a stroke paralyzing her entire left side, her eyes were bright. She loved the altered universe she lived in. I told her I was going to go on a retreat for a few days and she announced, "I will go with you. Let's be daring. Let's have an adventure." Be daring. Have an adventure. Would that I could have taken her! But her words keep ringing in my head. That's why I said yes to speaking in Bogota in March at an HR conference. That's why I am going to India for a week to lead a management retreat. I see Mom pushing me out the door, telling me to be safe, to call her when I land. Where are you headed now? It doesn't have to be a new land. I also realize that waiting for adventure is postponing life. Perhaps finding adventure in the ordinary might be the greatest skill of all continually learning, seeing fresh answers, meeting new people, walking instead of driving, talking instead of texting. Be daring. Go have an adventure!

A recent national study by Dale Carnegie Training placed the number of “fully engaged” employees at 29%, and “disengaged” employees at 26% – meaning nearly three-quarters of employees are not fully engaged (aka productive). The number one factor the study cited influencing engagement and disengagement was “relationship with immediate supervisor. So what determines if a relationship works? Daniel Pink suggests that engaged employees want autonomy, ability to grow in place, and meaningful work. These 3 desires are the offshoot of a leader who practices these skills: Clear communication and great listening. An employee can’t be autonomous unless the leader is confident of getting results. This means the leader has to set clear goals—in conversation with an employee—and then listen non-judgmentally as to what the employee thinks he/she needs tog et the job done. It’s a two-step process BEFORE a leader can actually step back. In order to grow in place, a leader must be able to practice career conversations. Only when a leader has genuine concern about direct reports, can ask critical questions, and can be perceptive as to what an employee means by “grow in place” will this be achieved. Meaningful work covers the gamut from work that is significant to the community—to the world—to being appreciated and valued because the work tasks are meaningful to the leader and other stakeholders. However, a leader does not ASSUME an employee knows the work is personally meaningful to others. Rather, a resilient leader does not hesitate to appreciate openly and specifically the impact of an employee’s efforts.

I was going through my digital files and found a tribute I had written for a friend who passed away in the summer a few years ago.  Why I opened that file I will never know.  But reading the words, I was struck that I needed to hear them NOW. TODAY. Perhaps you do too. It’s late July in Beaver Creek, Colorado. The sun has nestled behind the ridge and aspen trees shake their leaves in a goodnight kiss. A hummingbird keeps dodging at an unseen enemy, making the strangest clicking sound. Below my condo, a snow-fed creek attacks stones with the vengeance born from ponderous winter blizzards. Here but a few hours and already I’ve watched tiny swallows bring food to their babies housed in a roof tile and a brown bear chase a coyote across the upper ridges of a driving range. Ah yes, let’s not forget the toddler on bowed legs exploring the outer reaches of park grass and petunias.Life: immutable, amazing, varied, fragile. I’m here for a memorial service of a 78 year-old man who chased life with a vengeance and within nine months, melted away as a brain tumor took his mind, personality, and eventually, his body. The juxtaposition with teeming life at my fingertips underscores what the ancient Celtic race knew with certainty: life is a circle. When James’s ashes are cast to the winds, the brown fox with amazing multicolored tail will roll in the dust of the man who once stood facing the wind.  The swallow’s babies will hatch and the toddler will hold sway as a precocious kindergartner. Life: immutable, amazing, varied, fragile AND precious in the smallest of moments. Blink and you miss the bird. Bury your head and the fox vanishes. Stare at a computer screen and you miss the man.  James Campbell would remind us not to miss anything. He’d tell us only to be present and use our ability to soak in all that matters.  Do we listen to the love of our beloveds, the delight of our children, the words of a friend, and the instructions of a God who tossed an eagle into the air and rolled the sea like a bowling ball from his cup?Listen. Learn. Love. Leave behind. Return again. Life is a circle. Forward. Ever Forward.

Heather is not a child—she is 42. But she will always be the baby of the family. She’s my party girl, my shopper, my neat-and-clean kid, my remember to write thank-you notes child, and the lover-of-good-wines-and all desserts. She is also a brilliant ultrasound technologist. Yesterday she went to LAX Airport to board a plane to take her away from her beautiful home and husband, away from our hugs and into Mae Sot, a region at the Thailand/Burma border and the site of a clinic. For two weeks, she will use her skill to help radiologists and doctors identify medical problems. She will also teach while there. She decided but a few weeks ago to volunteer for this mission and I couldn’t be prouder. This region has a heavy refugee population. The exact number of Burmese in Mae Sot is unclear but estimates say that over 100,000 exist in addition to the 106,000 already recorded in the official census. In recent years the ongoing refugee situation has attracted NGO's and International aid agencies to set programs in the town and surrounding areas. One of the most notable organizations is Mae Tao Clinic located just outside the west of the town. It was established by the Burmese/Karen Dr. Cynthia Maung to offer free medical services to Burmese who do not qualify for treatment at the local Mae Sot Hospital.  A native of Burma (Myanamar), Dr. Maung is considered the Mother Teresa of Burma.  And Heather will meet/work with her. Heather will see what true NEED really is. She will understand how much of the world lives. She will find out about an NGO called Earth Rights Thailand that combines the power of law and the power of people in defense of human rights and the environment. The bubble that my family lives in--- too often unaware of corporate abuses that put gas in my car and clothing in my closet—will be shattered by her first hand account. Wow. What a way to lead our family into 2013.

Sister Helen Lange amazed me again! Sure she’s shown plenty of spunk in her life time: entering the convent in 1930, dealing with running a large Catholic elementary and junior high school in Jacksonville Beach, teaching others at Holy Name Academy in St. Leo’s, FL. and widely traveling, singing, directing, retreating, and praying. But this last venture felt like the end of the line for my beloved junior high school principal. Macular degeneration had reduced her eyesight to simply shadows. It was harder to get out with the “red hat/purple scarf” ladies. But being moved to an assisted living facility—away from all she knew and the beloved routine of daily Mass, comforting rituals, and sisterly camaraderie left her upset and less-than happy. That was 8 months ago. Her Christmas letter to me, dictated to a typist, once again showed this determination to see the glass half full. Imagine, age 99 and she can reframe a community. She says this: “The lame, blind, the troubled in mind and body are now my new community.  I am beginning to see the hand of God in this, it has become my garden of laughter and cheer. For example, Martha, age 90 came all the way over to my room in the opposite wing, looking for her car keys. I told her we’d go down to her room and look for them. I kept talking all the way down, trying to distract her. Since she loves to sing, I began singing ‘Let Me Call You Sweet Heart’. She chimed in and forgot all about her keys. God is still performing miracles. It takes so little to distract Martha., I must have a pocket full of fibs ready. I hope God forgets the number of fibs I have squandered. “ Reframing is an incredible resiliency skill. Sister Helen continues to laugh at herself and find joy in the oddities of her fellow human beings. Imagine: Age 99. I wish I had 25% of her courage and ability to be an intelligent optimist.

Mark McKinnon, GOP strategist and cofounder of NoLables, a movement to end partisan gridlock offers a few more ideas to get this Congress into progress rather than posturing: End the use of filibusters to prevent a bill from reaching the Senate for debate. Or at least create a time limit for the filibuster. Allow members the ability, if they have a majority, to override a leader or a committee chair's refusal to bring a bill to the floor. McKinnon suggests anonymity until the bill is passed. I disagree here. Why not transparency! Introduce a "question time" for the president, on a rotating basis, between the House and the Senate with these sessions televised. Expand presidential power to eliminate redundant parts of the federal government. My personal two cents: send everyone in Congress to see LINCOLN, the movie starting Daniel Day-Lewis. It becomes clear how far both parties have moved from their roots. One sees a singular man convinced on what most be done for the good of the nation and NOT for singular people. May we talk about moral ground?  Of all our presidents, the staying power of Lincoln remains a strong heritage and demonstrates that legacy has resiliency.

Today is THE day. While taste might have been more appropriate for the culinary creations found tis Holiday, I believe that touch is what we yearn for more than food. Certainly my day could never start without the ritual hugs that let my sweet husband and I breathe the same air at he same time. Touch. Hugs. Hands clasped. Doggy kisses…all of those tactile sensations which says someone or something reached out to us. Last week, while visiting  an assisted care facility, I found that  despite minds and bodies bent with onslaughts of age, their eyes lit up with gentle hugs, with a touch to their hand, or a kiss on the cheek. Touch is so vital that therapist and author Virginia Satir stated that human beings need four hugs a day for survival, eight hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth.  I personally would double all those amounts. This is the first Thanksgiving without my Mom. I woke up thinking of all the ways she touched me. She cuddled me in bed when I had a nightmare, put a cool hand on my burning forehead, bandaged up scrapes and cut out ingrown toenails.  In the last year of her life, when a stroke paralyzed her entire left side, I would kneel beside her wheel chair, throw my arms around her waist and place my head in her lap. Her good hand would caress my hair and we’d be still in peaceful silence. I think I was touched by an angel.    And you???  Who touches you today?  Better still, whom will you touch?